Why don't women with kids force the dads to have them 50% of time?

I don’t know if things have changed over the years but my DH went through hell with his EW who wouldn’t allow him to see his son. Went to court over and over and she’d comply for a while but then pull him again. We didn’t get to take him on holiday until he was a teenager, she even forged DH’s signature to change his name. It was horrendous. We never gave up on him.
She started kicking him out as he became a teenager and he lived with us on & off. We have a brilliant relationship with him now in his mid twenties.

It is not in the best interests of the children to force them onto a parent who doesn't want to look after them. You can't make a parent parent.

My ex has our kids EOW and a bit more in the holidays. I'm not sure how I would force him to have them more as he's at his girlfriend's house most of the time when he's not looking after the kids. I can't exactly drop them at her house can I, when I don't know where she lives 😂

😁 I've got a mental picture of my ex husband in prison, made me chuckle!

I'm not divorced but from volunteering for a DV charity , many men actually go to court, get 50 50 and then never bother, the court doesn't force them but comes down hard on mums that don't make the kids available l.

I've known mum's be accused of alienation no matter how much they toe the line.

It's a shitty system

Also I think anyone who thinks this sounds in any way a reasonable idea ought to read this (with a warning that the content is distressing, but important).

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/evidence-hub-nineteen-child-homicides/?_gl=129dv7d_upMQ.._gaMjExMDE5NjQxMy4xNzE3MTY5OTY1_ga_C8H9JGBD77*MTcxNzE2OTk2My4xLjEuMTcxNzE3MDAzNi4wLjAuMA..

Sadly you just cannot force someone to be a parent if they don’t want to parent. You could try and force them to have their children a certain amount of the time but the quality of that care is going to be shit if they don’t want to do it. And the kids know, you can tell when your parent is disinterested or resentful. That’s harder in some ways than just being with one parent most or all of the time.

Pretty sure 1000’s of Fathers would like to too.

@TwattyMcFuckFace
Awesome username....x

I'm also happily child free, but I don't think you can force this, sometimes you can't force the dads to even pay decent maintenance.

Well in my case, because their father is emotionally immature and cannot cope with his children for more than a few hours.

50/50 would be horrific for the children, much much worse than when we were still living together.

You can't just make up laws willy nilly.

When new laws are put in place that does not mean that 100% of people will immediately start following them - it doesn't work like that.

Therefore when new laws are considered the legislators have to consider very carefully the unintended consequences of that law. For example, consider why, currently, the intended behaviour is not happening. (Hint, it's not usually "because people can't be bothered" and yet that's pretty much the only one which is changed by a law).

Like knock a door run 😳

Mate, the courts arent even convicting enough rapists. How high up the agenda do you think feckless parents are going to go?

You are very naïve.
Don't get me wrong, it's nice. Sweet. I remember when I still thought most people were basically good.

Sadly, forcing parents to take care of their children will only lead to more child abuse and child neglect.

Parents who love their children and want the best for them are already in their lives, doing everything they can.

You force someone to take care of their child and they are going to feel angry and resentful.

Do you want an angry and resentful adult taking care of a child they don't want to take care of?

I don't.

You think they'll step up? Be good parents because the law says they have to have them 50% of the time?

They won't.

They'll do the bare minimum, and likely be nasty about it, and their child will grow up knowing they were not wanted.

Children deserve better than that.

😂😂😂

Well.. simply put - I wouldn't allow my kids to be in a house so filthy rats have moved in. The cesspit hasn't been emptied since I left nearly two years ago and the house has been untouched since! One already refuses to go there and the other goes but won't use the bathroom because of cobwebs and the stench.. he normally lasts 4 hours every other weekend. I'm saddened by his sorry state but he's no longer my concern since not to mention a cheating c*nt!

Wow aren't you are charmer OP🙄

OK some men are crap. Let's get that out of the way first. But sometimes it's not actually best for the children. Some children want a base and to be near friends, school etc. Having a 50/50 home can be disruptive to a child.
Also some women don't want their child to be away 50% of the time. It's not always down to the dad being awkward

I've not read the full thread, only the OP's posts but you can't just go making law for something like this.
Luckily, I get on well with my ex and our DS is happy. We don't have anything court ordered in place and we're both very flexible. However, my ex live on the other side of London and ds goes to school here so 50/50 wouldn't work and if it was a law then my ex would be in trouble or I'd be trouble for not sending my child to school because he's at his dad's.

But on the flip side, would you, as a child, have appreciated being dropped off at someone's house when they obviously don't want anything to do with you? How horrid would that be?

I speak for myself, but as a mother, I'd never just drop my ds off at his father's if his father made no effort to call, pay maintenance etc. Why would I put my son in that situation when I can have him here with me where he's loved, safe, fed, comfortable etc?

I know lots of parents really do need to step their game up when it comes to parenting but that's not on the child to achieve by being left on their doorstep.

Read some of the threads about bad dads (or worse). Think about someone who has repeatedly treated wives or partners badly, such as Donald Trump or Boris Johnson.

Would you want to inflict any child (or indeed adult) with them?

Ha. My ex doesn't want to see our child at all. How can I force him to?

Also, I wasn't going to leave my child in the care of someone who didn't want to look after him just so I could get some time to myself. In an ideal world, my ex would be an involved and caring parent, but he's not, so I have to be all of that for DS.

I've done it all by myself, and DS is now 16 so I have plenty of opportunities for time to myself while he's with friends, etc. And I'm proud of myself for doing it alone and proud of DS for how he's turned out, and my ex has nothing to be proud of and has to live with being a selfish fucker all his life.

So you’ve answered your own question then haven’t you: mothers can’t force absent fathers to have the children 50% of the time.

a) because... you can't force another adult to do anything
b) because why would you want your children to spend half their lives with someone who has to be forced to see them, even if it were possible
c) because most normal non-shit parents want to be with their children, not without them. Shared care is a necessary result of a split relationship, not a desirable end in itself.

Have you never heard on the news what happens to children left with carers who don't want to care for them?

🤣 oh dear Op. Spoken by someone who doesn’t have kids….. ring the bell and run 🤣.