Why don't women with kids force the dads to have them 50% of time?

To be fair, it's the way OP has framed this question which has got people's backs up, it's been done in a daft fashion and blames women for what is essentially a man problem.

What OP should be asking is...what can we do to make sure idiot lazy men either don't procreate or preferably don't exist.

Three factors:

Education, Equality and Economic.

Education -boys (and girls!) educated to understand childcare and to show emotion and empathy but also be independent (i.e life skills- wash their own clothes, cook, clean?!), girls educated to see red flags in people (men included!) and call out crap behaviour. Ideally all kids educated to a high standard and good family values taught at home. A longer school day and poor behaviour in school more harshly punished. Kids required to work harder and laziness punished. Kids who do well at school rewarded and better incentives to try hard. Good male role models at home and at school. Routes for children who are not academic to succeed and be rewarded.

Equality -a society that doesn't expect women to be SAHP as default. An expectation on father's to well...father their kids and fathers who don't are shamed and stigmatised. Women expected to go back to work at the end of maternity leave and not pander to their kids. Equal pay and parental leave. Women 'breadwinners' much more common as no long career gaps, women earn more respect from men and hold more power.

Economic - children not growing up in poverty, children able to access education. Improved and consistently high standard childcare to facilitate parents working. More high quality teachers in state schools as pay is improved. Better government policies on drugs, porn, alcohol and all other addictive substances which are used as crutches for mental health issues. Better access to and improved mental health care.

This last one is radical and @DontCheetoTheCheetah OP I think you'll like it, all men have a vasectomy until they can be trusted to procreate and sign a contract to say they will provide for their children in the future as long as they are able. If they break said contract they get castrated. Guarantee being made a Eunuch would stop em. 😂

I don't think either parent can actually be "forced" to look after their children, just thankfully in most cases at least one parent gives a toss..

There's no way this post isn't a wind up 😂

My ex never wanted contact so I didn't have to make that choice but honestly I don't think 50/50 is best for young children. We split up when our DS was 10 months old and if he'd asked for 50/50 I'd have fought it, I'd always been the primary caregiver and sending a baby or toddler away from the primary caregiver for half the week is cruel in my opinion.

I think for older kids it can be OK though but their wants and feelings about it should be taken into account.

Another fucking thicko deluxe.

I might be going against the grain here but if DH and I split up I would go for as much custody as I could get. My kids spending half of their childhoods away from me feels absolutely horrific to me. I want my home to be their home, not to have their lives ripped in two. Adults don’t choose to live like that- it’s horrible for children to be forced to.

OK should meet my brother, he's got multiple kids, He's currently on a 6 month stint in thailand, doesn't see his kids when he's back in england, and he's funded by pip and cash in hand work when he finally makes it back to uk. Please make him see and pay for his kids.

Like adults, children tend to have a view on where they spend their time. I don’t get this ‘I don’t have kids’ thing. You were a kid! Don’t you remember? Children are not just a homogenous group of beings that are all the same and don’t care where they live.

I'm sure my kids would absolutely love to see their dad but seeing had he abandoned them 7 years ago, completely ignored my messages and calls to his workplace about our DD needing major surgery 4 years ago and by him blocking my DD on every communication she has attempted I don't think he is interested do you ?

Also @DontCheetoTheCheetah thanks for making crap fathers a woman problem... When you have kids you shouldn't have to MTF (mother the father) as well.

BUSTED!!! I thought this too. Surely noone over the age of 14 in fact could have this simplistic thinking about a complex situation.

If a judge can't force a deadbeat to have his kids I'm not sure what you expect a woman to do.

Any parent can choose not to parent their child. No one can force non resident parents to care for their kids. There are many men who simply refuse to have their children and there is nothing to require them to. Obviously child maintained technically can be forced (often in practise, is very difficult). But frankly childcare costs are so high the money paid to mainly mums, rarely makes up for less than 50-50 division of care.

Then apply to court.

I'm in the US and that law does exist. My ex-bil has been on the list for years to be arrested for not paying. The "children are 30 and 27. One is actually a police officer. Sadly the arrests are more a threat then reality.

This. Since OP has seemingly solved the problem of fathers not taking responsibility maybe she can move on to curing cancer.

You do realise most people who have children intend to stay together! Also there's plenty of men who have their children full time or happily do 50/50.

Fuck off

Other than me getting a plane to Australia from the midlands and dumping her on his doorstep, how would I enforce this?

How do you force them ? And would you want your child going to someone that doesn’t want them , but is “ forced “ to ?

Also , there is a big difference between having some free time and not seing your child for 50% of the time . I have 3 children and 2 different dads for them ( also remarried , so I’m not with any of their dads ) . Two of my children see their dad one night a week ( used to be 2 but they’re older now and don’t want to go as much , no bad reason they just prefer it here with all their things ) I never felt I missed out with nothing with them , I had a nice bit of time to myself and I still have that one night but I didn’t have lots of time without them . However , my youngest is pretty much 60/40 . She loves going to her dads and is spoilt rotten there , she has 3 nights a week there and 4 with me . I think it’s great for her , she’s very happy and secure . But , for me - I hate it! I don’t feel like a “proper” parent ( no court order btw , just a dad who wanted to be very much involved and I have to put her feelings first and also realise she isn’t my property she has 2 parents and therefore 2 families ) I miss her so much when she isn’t here and I feel like I miss out on so much.

Because we don’t want our kids to feel like pawns in a game, or not understand where their real home is

The thing is OP, they’re not a burden at all. If you had them you would know that.

And I would sooner have them 100% of the time, well into my 90s and every minute of every god damn day than have them forced to spend a single second with someone who saw them as a burden. Father or no father.

Maybe the state and society should spend time raising and educating its boys properly instead, so they don’t turn into the kind of men who aren’t interested in their children.

Hahaha, you're funny, OP.

There's no way to 'force them'. And tbh, I'd really wouldn't leave my child with a man who needs to be FORCED to be with her. Doubt that would be a pleasant (or even safe) experience.

Would you like to spend time with someone who you know doesn't want to be with you/is forced to be with you?

My ex used to bang on about 'spending time with his beloved daughter' once I left him. Painted me as an 'unreasonable crazy hag', the lot. He wasn't abusive, but I was reluctant for DD to spend lots of time in his place for various reasons. However, she went from time to time.

Until his woman, who he cheated on me with whilst we were married, contacted me to let me know, that he brings my DD to her, drops her off and fucks off himself. Sometimes to work, sometimes who knows. Four hours and hours and hours. The woman (thankfully) was a normal woman (regardless of cheating) and took care of my girl, but still. She also had a pitbull.

So that was 'unforced' contact (which I put a stop to sharpish)..

We started almost 50/50 with him having Fri after school to Mon morning 3 weekends of the month. Then his new girlfriend wanted more time to herself so it went to 2 weekends. And later just Friday from 6 to Sunday afternoon. Funnily enough, her ex has her kids for that amount of time the 2 weekends mine isn't there.

You can't force (some) fathers to take interest in their own children, unfortunately. And you definitely can't force them to prioritise the needs of their kids over their latest bit of fanny.

Funny...