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Original poster

Why don't women with kids force the dads to have them 50% of time?

366 replies

DontCheetoTheCheetah · 31/05/2024 11:43

Disclaimer: I dont have kids and dont want them so prepared to accept my POV might be odd but...

...Just read a thread where a woman was talking about disputing maintenance costs with her ex and mentioned he never has his kids overnight, adding that its his choice.

Why wouldn't you just force them to have their kids? Im think if I were a mum I'd quite like to have half my time to just chill and have some downtime without my children? Or is it that when you have kids you cant bear to be wthout them?

OP posts:
TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 31/05/2024 11:58

Why would you force that? 50/50 isn't always best for the child. I hated it, I didn't belong anywhere and it was shit

Username947531 · 31/05/2024 11:57

FineWordsButterNoParsnips · 31/05/2024 11:53

So there should be no issue then. If the other parent breaches the order, back to court.

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There is a court order but not 50/50. He has unsupervised regular contact of course, but although he asked for 50/50, the mother disputed that and she got exactly what she asked for, despite the (not young) children wanting to see their dad more.

CassandraWebb · 31/05/2024 11:56

And how would you propose they force them?

Laiste · 31/05/2024 11:56

Toxicalevandherhusband · 31/05/2024 11:55

Please don't type here anymore.

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lol
seconded!

jeaux90 · 31/05/2024 11:55

Breath taking naivety OP

Monkeybutt1 · 31/05/2024 11:55

My brother had to fight to have his kids 50/50 his ex wife didn't want him to so he would still have to pay her child maintenance which paid for her holidays. Its not always the mans fault.

Toxicalevandherhusband · 31/05/2024 11:55

DontCheetoTheCheetah · 31/05/2024 11:47

If they can't look after their own kids, I would report them for child neglect

Please don't type here anymore.

ExasperatedManager · 31/05/2024 11:54

Personally, had I been in this situation, I'd have wanted to have dd with me for as much time as possible, so I wouldn't have wanted to force anything with DH in any case.

But even if the resident parent did want the other parent to step up, realistically, if you have one parent who is disengaged and disinterested, it isn't possible to force them to do 50/50 anyway. Not without significant detriment to the child, and no decent parent would want to put their child in that situation.

Onda · 31/05/2024 11:54

Come on, how would you force them? You said you would, and you know you can't change the law as it isn't child neglect as previously mentioned. Interested to know exactly how you'd force an absent father to take his kids, especially when it's someone who doesn't want to care for them. I'd worry for the children in that scenario and wouldn't want them forcibly left with someone who didn't want them.

TheShellBeach · 31/05/2024 11:53

DontCheetoTheCheetah · 31/05/2024 11:47

If they can't look after their own kids, I would report them for child neglect

Would ye, aye?

FineWordsButterNoParsnips · 31/05/2024 11:53

Username947531 · 31/05/2024 11:52

Yes there is a court order.

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So there should be no issue then. If the other parent breaches the order, back to court.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 31/05/2024 11:53

I'd happily settle for him having her 5% of the time instead I have her 100% and you can bet he's saying I don't let him see her.

Laiste · 31/05/2024 11:53

I didn't want him to have them.

He was a shit husband and a shit dad and when i decided to leave and take the kids he was uninterested. And i was glad to be honest. I wouldn't have wanted my girls where they weren't wanted.

I certainly wouldn't have wanted the law to force him to have them OP! (they're in their 20s now and their father is an afterthought and a bit of a joke to them)

Would YOU want to go and stay and be dependant on someone who the law has FORCED into having you stay with them?!

Moier · 31/05/2024 11:52

This reply has been deleted

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Username947531 · 31/05/2024 11:52

FineWordsButterNoParsnips · 31/05/2024 11:51

Has he not got a court order? Seems strange to not have bothered if he'd love it.

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Yes there is a court order.

BloodyAdultDC · 31/05/2024 11:52

Even courts cannot force absent parents to see their kids - and frankly why would anyone force kids to see a reluctant parent.

Id love my kids to have a relationship with their dad but he just walked away.

Wishimaywishimight · 31/05/2024 11:51

How? Drop them off on his doorstep and hope he answers the door??

FineWordsButterNoParsnips · 31/05/2024 11:51

Username947531 · 31/05/2024 11:49

My DP would love to have his kids 50% of the time but his ex won't allow it.

Has he not got a court order? Seems strange to not have bothered if he'd love it.

Gogogo12345 · 31/05/2024 11:50

Id have loved my ex to do 5/50. Trouble was he couldn't be bothered and I don't see how I could've forced him

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowItHaveAGin · 31/05/2024 11:50

DontCheetoTheCheetah · 31/05/2024 11:49

Then the law needs to be changed. Just because one parent is looking after them shouldnt relieve the other parents of their responsibilities. It should be made a crime IMO.

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It should be, but considering the amount of men in powerful positions who walk away from their kids, it will never be made into a crime.

Username947531 · 31/05/2024 11:49

My DP would love to have his kids 50% of the time but his ex won't allow it.

Moier · 31/05/2024 11:49

???.
No way.. no way.
Everyone has different circumstances.
My Grandsons came home one Sunday crying that their Dad had hit them.. shouted at them ( and had been happening most Sundays.. ) they were age 7 and 8 and 10.. all ASD.. They decided they never wanted to see him again.. and haven't..
That was nine years ago and haven't seen him since.. all very well adjusted young men now.

Original poster
DontCheetoTheCheetah · 31/05/2024 11:49

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowItHaveAGin · 31/05/2024 11:48

The kid isn't neglected though, because mum is looking after them, so how would that work?

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Then the law needs to be changed. Just because one parent is looking after them shouldnt relieve the other parents of their responsibilities. It should be made a crime IMO.

OP posts:
Idrinkmywhiskeyneat · 31/05/2024 11:49

I would only want Dd to spend time with Dp (were we separated) if he wanted to and took proper care of her. My preference would be to not be parted from her, but I could see the benefit for her, to see him, if he remained a good, caring, supportive father, if we were to split.
Mums shouldn’t have to make them spend time with their kids and it’s true lots of mums don’t want to be away from them 50% of the time

IOYOYO · 31/05/2024 11:49

LOL LOL LOL