Why don't women with kids force the dads to have them 50% of time?

In my situation I am pushing for 50% (would love to have them 100% of the time but children need both parents) and rightly so, the block from the other (female) side is due to ££ (impacts how much she gets into her pocket monthly - she calls child maintenance "her money" not money for the children and even though I pay substantially more than CMS requirements she keeps threatening to go that route to somehow make me have to pay an extra 25% - talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face) and this warped sense of self-entitlement that men are a necessary evil and that in some way the children are her possessions. (Absolute mirror image of her mother) Not all men are as described, generally, on here.

I think she has issues because her own father ‘just vanished’…. She obviously feels either that he should have been forced to have a relationship with her, or she would have got some sort of fascination from knowing he was in jail for neglecting to see her! Very odd that she’d have wanted her ‘deadbeat’ dad to be forced to spend time with her or that she sees herself as a life burden on her own mother!

‘The life burden of them’ wow you’re a piece of work!!

I certainly don’t see my DD as a burden of any sort!

and yes of course we’d all like ‘downtime’…. However no I don’t think men should be ‘forced’ to see their children… I don’t want my ex to spend time with his DD just because he fears a fine or prison sentence….

My ex moved 100’s of miles away when we split and he’s only seen our DD once in 2 years!!….. His loss!

You're ever so simplistic, what's life like on your planet 😆

Same. My ex even had a gf who thought she'd be the angel who would "fix" the situation, and contacted me on social media with an offer to sort something out, as a big surprise to my ex, to mend his broken fatherly heart. To her credit, she did seem to have a very kind soul, so I think it was genuine. She also was very young, only a few weeks into the relationship, and a bit naive.

She was absolutely shocked to learn the reality of the situation, I did not overshare but I did give her the facts she could have verified independently. They broke up very soon after, I suspect it played a big role. I have very mixed feelings ranging from bad to good about my participation in that.

Why was it refused?

As I've said many times on this thread, yes he has.

Because practically you can’t force someone to do that. This is why it’s unfortunate that so many shit fathers have equal rights to the mother but refuse to take equal responsibility. It would be impossible to make a law on this, as the courts and the government focus on what is in the best interests of children, and rightly so. Legally forcing someone to have a child 50% of the time who doesn’t want to isn’t likely to be beneficial to the emotional needs of the child. It’s shit, but it is what it is. Unfortunately men get to cop out of parenting if they choose to. Society doesn’t judge them harshly either. If a mother ever does the same she’s considered some kind of monster to be able to go against her natural maternal instincts. Apparently men in the same situation don’t share those same instincts. I do think if 50/50 court ordered custody was more the norm, like it is in countries like Spain, there may be a slight shift in attitude to seeing parenting as something that should be done equally between two parents, rather than defaulting the lions share to the mother while dad’s get to have the fun time at weekends.

Has he been to court to request this?

50/50 parenting can work very well

Surely OP must have realised by now how unrealistic this is (if it wasn't obvious already).

Pretty sure my ex tells each new gf this too. Truth is he can barely manage to interact with them EOW, and just takes them on endless days trips to shopping centres, and wouldn't even consider having them live with him 50/50, certainly not full time. But, he tells people his kids are his life, blah blah blah, but it's actually bullshit.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Because we like our kids generally? And we want them to have a stable home life rather than being shunted from pillar to post? Most people don't have kids just to find ways to get rid of them?!? 😂

My dd is now nearly 14 and ds 21
Both contact their birth father regularly ( dd daily after school)
He sometimes answers and mostly doesn't
They have asked him at every opportunity if he will see them / go for coffee / a walk anything
He has been too busy for 10 years
He lives 30 mins away
He has retired
It breaks their hearts
I don't think he's "allowed" for some reason . We were married 25 years and I've remarried so no idea why a partner would support this behaviour but it not my business
So OP
My Dc and me would love love love 1% contact but even that is unrealistic .

Well this turned into a pile on very quickly!

Op - when I first became a single parent, I was really young, exhausted by parenting, and angry at the injustice of my ex just swanning off, so I tried what you suggested - I tried to force him to parent. I'm ashamed now of that time. My children were the ones who suffered. Luckily I quickly saw the reality of me "forcing" him to be a parent and have them more (wasn't even close to 50:50 but that would have been my ideal).

The lowest point was when I came back from work at 11pm to find they had been walking through the estate we lived on for an hour because he was convinced I was there somewhere, shagging someone, rather than at work as I had told him.

I never asked him to have them again.

There’s deffo a lot of moms out there that would rather have the money than the time away, or the power having the kids.

On the flip side there is equally a lot of Dads out there that are really not good, if children are not safe or happy to be spending time there it shouldn’t be forced. They need to be protected even if it’s costs us ‘our’ time

Nah, nowhere near “lots”.

My boyfriend actually was in this situation… became a solo dad when his ex moved overseas. He is literally the only man I’ve ever met where the mum has handed her responsibilities off to the dad… but I know many single/solo mums who have been left to it by men who have legged it or take minimal responsibility.

I think in terms of context as you mentioned you don't have children nor want them..

Imagine whoever you are closest in the world to, someone where you feel their pain and try to help them whenever there is an issue, instinctively support them and would put yourself through pain to prevent them feeling pain themselves.

Then, times that by quite a lot, as the bond between parent and child (not all but a decent amount) is extremely strong.

Also imagine they are young, vulnerable, may not be able to say or explain if they come to harm if they are below a certain age, and that you are their entire world

Would you force them into a house, away from you, who loves them and for most people enjoys and cherishes the time with them, to stay with someone who doesn't want their company and may not look after them to a high standard. Not even thinking of neglect but pushing them to stay somewhere with a disinterested parent who sits them in front of the telly, feeds them rubbish food and sits and games themselves - when they could be spending quality time with a parent who actively teaches them, nurtures them, and enjoys doing that?

It's a burden on the single parent of course, and I have seen the burden and the stress first hand with a number of people, but the child is so well cared for, bonded and loved, and they would sacrifice everything in themselves for the happiness of their child

That I wish that was possible! But you are only allowed to be charged with neglect if you are the primary care-giver.

So you want to send Dads who won't have their kids 50% of the time to prison?
And this helps the kids how?
Instead of seeing their father EOW and maybe an evening midweek they see him once in a while when visiting orders can be sorted.
Instead of knowing their father in a normal situation it is in prison.
And instead of getting a reasonable amount of maintenance their mothers are reliant on benefits.

And prison costs the state a lot. And the prisons are full of far more important cases. Nevermind the court system grinding to a halt etc.

Lots??? Lots of dads looking after kids abandoned by mums? This is just not true, try looking around you realistically, relative to men who leave their kids there is a very small percentage of women who abandon their children. This is a statistical fact. There is far less acceptance of women leaving their kids for a start, try as a woman explaining to your family and friends that your life, job, need for a new partner legitimised you not seeing your kids. A female would find herself demonised for this. On the other hand, there are lots of people willing to act as apologists for absent dads.

You'd be surprised. My ex isn't involved and most single mums tell me how lucky I am to get them to myself as they hate "sharing" their kids.

Thankfully not in this situation but if I was I wouldn't want to send my children somewhere they are not wanted.

I think you should stand for election