Partner wants full access to my phone whenever he has doubts?!

He will be hitting you soon

HE wants to take YOU for counselling? YOU should take HIM to a padded cell!

Another situation where ''poor little child boy with emotional problems'' demands to run ... and ruin ... a woman's life.

Put as much distance as possible between you and Mr. I-Am-A-Self-Obsessed-Moron and never ever hand over your phone, passwords etc. to him. He's a controlling shit.

Run like the wind. Run swift, run free!

It's not your job to give in to the neuroses of sad little men.

This is the tip of the iceberg. Nect he will want you to be in constant touch while you are out, then, he will sulk.when you go.out as apparently it's because you don't love him or because you are just wanting to meet your lover. You won't be able to maintain relationships with men, not even colleagues.

It's never ending.

Well don't for ending it now.

Absolutely not, no way would I agree to this, his insecurity and trust issues are for HIM to manage, not you to pander to. He needs to grow up and get some therapy.

He's controlling and abusive. I'd keep the relationship ended.

Urgh, the old 'if you loved me, you'd do x or y'

You're well rid, OP. He was completely unreasonable.

Paranoid control freaks like this are usually the ones cheating, they think everyone is as shit as they are but want loyalty.
I wouldn't even engage with him anymore, any conversation will be him turning it around to manipulate you into doing this for him and it isn't acceptable and his issues are not your problem, nothing to do with love or not.

(sorry - you HAVE run like the wind already! Well done!)

His alleged history of having been cheated on by ALL of his exes kinda sounds more like this is a story he tells himself to justify his own cheating. Or he has mental health problems and paranoia.

Jesus. My husband and I know each other's phone passwords and will check each other's phones, like "you should read the email/whatsapp XYZ sent me today" or looking at cute photos the other has taken of the kids on a day out, but the idea that your boyfriend is straight out checking your phone for evidence of infidelity CONSTANTLY is utterly batshit, and you need to break up with him so he can go and get some significant therapy before he tries to be in a relationship again.

You pandering to a mania is not helping his mental health, and if anything, it's further damaging his ability to understand normal boundaries. Run like the wind.

The hills are thataway >>>> 🗻🗻🗻

Just to add a small perspective, my DH has never once looked at my phone. And I've never looked at his. Aside from when I've shown him a photo etc or vice versa

Hi OP, to add to the many voices on the thread so far: fuck that for a game of soldiers. you are right to end it.

🚩

Run. For the hills.

Run!

I'd rather be single to the end of time than put up with this!

This is absolutely not ok and is not normal behaviour.

do not go back to this controlling insecure man.

I just wanted to add that I would really encourage you to do the Freedom Programme.

It's good that you ended it and you knew this behaviour wasn't acceptable, but you still needed confirmation that you were doing the right thing.

The programme will help to give you clarity and insight into recognising controlling and abusive behaviour.

This all sounds pure dodge op.

Dh was caught out sexting another woman a while back and in response he provided me with all passwords etc for phone and makes a point of leaving it lying around so I could easily access it if I wanted to.

I have very rarely looked at it because I'm watching his other actions and behaviours and I don't want a relationship where I need to be monitoring him all the time.

You haven't even done anything to warrant this.

Your partners issues are his own to deal with. If he was cheated on before then of course that sucks, but it doesn't give him the right to take away your privacy and to put the onus on you to deal with his past trauma. That's his to deal with and you of course can support him but it should be freely and within your own boundaries.

The idea of taking you to this counsellor sounds strange... I can't imagine a counsellor who would tell you to compromise your own boundaries in this way as opposed to placing the responsibility on your partner to deal with his own insecurities and fear of betrayal or rejection so that he can have a healthy relationship. As someone who's been cheated on before I have and would never ask to regularly check someone's phone. To me it's pointless because that person could really just delete the things they don't want you to see.. so does it even really solve the issue?

I think the way he is approaching this sounds manipulative and gaslighting and I think you need to really reconsider whether this relationship is what you want or if you could have something healthier and more respectful from someone else. Controlling manipulative behaviours tend to get worse rather than better and it sounds like he's no intention of taking the responsibility on this.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.. absolutely no way and non negotiable. Run away as fast as you can

Take you to a counsellor?

Classic gaslighting.
Wanting to make you question your own psychological state and feel like you're going mad rather than question him.

It's straight out of a textbook.

That is a very, very slippery slope to be on. First he wants to check your phone. Before you know it he's tell you who you can speak to and what you can and can't wear. Thank god you've left him.

Pp are right about previous gf saying no being twisted into they were cheating.

Absolutely fuck that from here to the far side of fuck and then a bit further: delighted to hear you've broken things off.

However, it might be worth doing a wee bit of counselling or therapy by yourself to understand why this man came into your life and how he managed to erode your sense of 'normal' to this extent - I think that would pay off well in terms of future relationships.

My ex tried this with me, even the line about how it’s what a counsellor would tell me to do! In fact pretty much any unreasonable request on his part would be backed up with ‘it’s what any relationship counsellor would tell you’ funnily enough, when I asked if I could also look at his phone I got a resounding NO. His name doesn’t begin with G does it?

Run.