Partner wants full access to my phone whenever he has doubts?!

Glad you ended it OP. My ex used to look at my phone every day, that was the start of the control, then it turned into verbal and emotional abuse. I'd never ever consent to this in any future relationships.

I know his game. It starts with emotional blackmail, 'if you loved me' or 'prove you have done nothing wrong' and it ends up with spying on you trying to catch you in the act.
Glad you are letting him go @Permanentlydazedandconfused you have just saved yourself years of heartache.
Oh how I wish MN had been around years ago. My life would have been different.

Don’t do it, if there’s no trust there’s no relationship. If the trust issues are based on his previous relationships then he needs to work on himself to get past that & not put it on you to alleviate his trust issues. All that will happen is that he finds things that he thinks are dodgy (even when they’re not) & he’ll continually expect you to modify your behaviour to make him feel better even though full access to your phone won’t actually help his trust issues. He needs to control his jealousy not control you

Fuck that

Every day I work with people who were convinced to do this. A counsellor is far more likely to want him to address his own insecurities than for you to have to change your behaviour to enable him to never have to confront his own problems. I'm sure he's insecure. It's sad. It's also not within anyone's capabilities to solve it, other than his own.

I see the cases where this behaviour has become established, and let me tell you, his suggested strategy would never have worked. It would never be enough. There would always be the messages you might have deleted, or the secret phone he can't find, or the meetings with random men when you said you were going to the supermarket. You can't prove a negative, but he would have forced you to try. You made the right decision not to go there.

Good riddance to bad rubbish. This image might be helpful for assessing future relationships.

My DH and I never look at one another's phones. Occassionally if we're busy driving and a message comes through, but that's it. Whilst I would have no problem with what's on my phone, if my partner didn't trust me and was only willing to accept the data of tracking my location and checking my phone then it would be a deal breaker.

Don't send him this thread. We'll all be ridiculous harpies. And @Permanentlydazedandconfused has made her decision which he should respect without her needing to say look, all my mates agree with me. Own your own decision.

No, no and no again. The fact that he has trust issues from previous relationships is nothing to do with you - that’s on him and his past partners. This is just the start. If you give him access to your phone what happens when this doesn’t stop his ‘doubts’ and he starts demanding unfettered access to other areas of your life ? What happens when nothing satisfies him? This is how the chain of abuse begins and you’ll end up a prisoner in your relationship while he does as he likes. I would end it - it won’t get any better.

Ha! Please forward him the link to this thread. Jealous, controlling, needy and completely out of order, @Permanentlydazedandconfused. But you knew that. My DH and I share location data with each other but we’ve been together for 13 years and it’s more so we can see if the other is anywhere near a shop if we’re out of milk or something similar. You’re not hiding your phone from him, but you right not to enable his insecurities either.

My counsellor’s eyebrows would shoot right up at the very suggestion of this 😂. Ruuuuuuuuun!

Yeah, I knew someone no time. At home or at work.

Fucking someone else when he said he had an early start or late finish, overnight work..

It sounds exhausting. I had an ex, a simple text message led to an all night sulk/analysis/being told I was a terrible person who didn't care for him etc etc. Me trying to reassure the ridiculous man-child

The thought of wasting hours of my life again doing similar makes my hair curl. Run. Life is too short.

And TELLING you to go to counselling so a counsellor can gaslight somehow facilitate his coercive control. Is this a counsellor he knows? Is it just him in a fake nose and glasses talking in a German accent?

And even if he does, RUN.

No woman needs a man for sexual gratification.

No counsellor would tell you to give him your phone and if they did I'd run a mile from them too. It is his problem to fix. Not yours to placate him.

BTW he's probably cheating on you. Projecting....

I don't think sharing location to make them at ease you're not cheating is a good thing or sign of healthy relationship.

If it's to know when you'll be home to get dinner on for you or for safety when driving at night etc etc there's are good reasons.

He should be the one working on himself until ready for a relationship.

Run for your life.

A relationship has GOT to be based on trust. He is demonstrating that he is incapable of one.

Even aside from the looking at your phone, the phrase "whenever he has doubts" is what hits me. He's going with the assumption that he will have doubts about your fidelity.

For that reason alone, I wouldn't consider continuing the relationship.

Fuck. That.
Cut fat from t'animal and get away from that.

That's a bye bye.
He's a psychopath.

Run for the hills. I've seen this happen to a friend, started out by 'just' wanting to see her phone, then 'just' wanting to know where she was....it ended up with him locking her in the house while he went to work, never letting her go out without him and dictating what she wore. It was so insidious, she didn't see what was happening until he'd isolated her from family & friends and turned her into a shadow of her former self. And yes, the classic "you'd do this for me if you REALLY loved me" line, the hallmark of an emotional manipulator. He's a control freak, don't go back.

Fuck that.
I've never cheated but don't give a shit if DH uses my phone but I wouldn't be happy handing it over so it can be gone through like I'm a bloody criminal.
If I was you I'd end it now. You'll end up living your life with a controlling, moody nightmare and you'll be scared to do anything. I used to be with someone who would sulk if I went out with my friends to the degree that I used to absolutely dread saying I was going or would cancel. I'd never done anything to make him not trust me. If I went I'd have to deal with three or four days of silent treatment and moping. It was awful.

Don't go along with this. He will get worse. What if the next step is to stop you leaving the house alone etc? I've been there and can tell you this is a slippery slope to hell. What an entitled nasty prick you are dealing with.

No way, absolutely do not agree to this!

His insecurity is not your problem or issue. He needs to work on himself.

Bullet dodged, it would seem

Any decent relationship counsellor would refuse to engage in any relationship counselling where there is clear abuse happening.
You're well rid OP.
Be prepared for more games and attempted coercion now you've ended it.
Then will come the nastiness. Block him and save yourself a load of grief.