Partner wants full access to my phone whenever he has doubts?!

Bugger that for a lark.

How can you "accidently" look through someone's phone ?

Who are these "we" that 'accept it' ?

Why on earth would you 'expect it' ? I've never looked through anyone's phone in my life. No-one has ever looked through my phone (except when one of my dc is showing me how to do something in the settings or something I am not sure about - but they don't look through messages.

This is all about control. It’s awful to read.

You are not responsible for his actions
You are not responsible for his actions
You are not responsible for his actions
You are not responsible for his actions
You are not responsible for his actions

Oh the old 'kill himself' threats. Call the police and tell them where he is. No doubt he'll soon change his mind when they show up!

Please contact the police and ask for them to do a welfare check as he has threatened you with suicide.
This is him abusing you.
Step away and ask the police to deal with him.

To be honest the old "If you loved me you'd let me..." is what teenage boys used to say back in the 1970s/1980s when they wanted a shag when their girlfriends said no. It isn't a thing that actual grown ups and normal men say. He sounds like a total man child who hasn't experienced a serious adult relationship at all.

And I seriously doubt that every girlfriend he's ever had has cheated on him. They've all dumped him after realising he's a controlling nut job. And the only way he has rationalised being dumped is that they must have been cheating on him. Obviously nothing to do with him being a controlling nut job that they've all run a mile from.

We accept people accidentally looing through their husband's phone. I (man) certainly expect it. I would find a man wanting to do the same very odd.

Essentially,yes.

@Permanentlydazedandconfused
Oops typo mistake omission

I meant to say the mind fuckery games he will expect you to do please him ect,

“We’ve been speaking about trying to sort out our problems - one of his non negotiables is that he has full transparency with my phone”

It’s mostly his problem.
Why would you want to stay with someone like that?
If I were you, don’t get back with him. He’s hard work !

@Permanentlydazedandconfused

You need to hot 🔥 foot out of this toxic mess of a relationship as quickly as you can

It will definitely not get better for sure

However i can guarantee that this kind of man type and toxic dysfunctional co dependency type of dynamic relationship

Will seriously screw up your mind,
the mind games you will have to high jump through all kinds of mind and behaviours whoops ect,

like a flipping gymnastics trapeze act at a circus 🎪 to placate and please him be off the charts wild crazy ,🤪
send you to insanity and back,

for him to only be temporarily feel reassurance until the next time and the next time again for ever more this endless cycle,
in meantime your self esteem cofindence will hit rock bottom,

you will have to give up so much of yourself to please him
you will not reconise even yourself eventually as you will be so confused about yourself and on edge anxious living on egg shells,
as you be a former ghost shadow of the once vibrant happy go lucky person you used to be,
even your family or and friends will not recognise the kind of person you will become with jealous needy man child boyfriend or ex one,

He needs serious intensive therapy sessions as this is likely to be very deep seated insecurities issue,

If it's cause he has had previous ex cheat on him then?
it's his responsibility to address 🤷 this one is
not your issue to address at all..

I see disaster written all over this relationship 😕

Please don't get involved with this kind of man he is not good for you..

Tell him to fuck off….and run.

I'm so sorry you are in this position. Do you need help to get out?

Who are these 2% (of women?) who think it’s ok to require/demand your partner share their phone because of misguided insecurities?

run for the hills OP. Run far, run fast. Don’t stop.

Wanted to acknowledge your post. That’s really harrowing.I hope you can safely get away from him

As others have all said this would only escalate with him needing more and more control and more checking and he would never be satisfied as his paranoia would never be sated.

He'd be constantly imagining that you were cheating no matter how much evidence you could provide to the contrary. You cannot reason with a mentally ill person. The problem is his, not yours. Glad to hear you've ended it.

I believe the phrase is "more red flags than the Chinese revolution "

Christ who are the 2% who think controlling, possessive behaviour is acceptable

Dint get back with him or you will end up like me..married to someone exactly the same. I have permanent facial scarring and walk on eggshells a lot of the time

Is it? Who says?

OP this is abuse. I’m so sorry you’ve been sucked into this situation. Unfortunately it rarely improves

Do not back down.
Say bye and move on to a calm normal future rather than a controlled depressing one.

As a family we all of us have life 360 as it's handy as a previous poster said for knowing how far away DH is from home so I know how to time dinner or that I know he is closer to pick up DD on my office days. Were talking 10 years down the line though, not when we weren't living together and just in dating stages with no kids of our own, absolute red flag and I mean it when I say this guy is no good and you should stay well away.