Partner wants full access to my phone whenever he has doubts?!

He’s a wrong’un and you’ve 100% made the right call to end this.

No, why waste their time on a blatantly empty threat.

Nope! He's completely nuts.

Come on!
A man demanding this is far, far more serious than a woman wanting to feel secure. The latter is normal, the former is a massive red flag.

Keep well away from this man. He is a manipulative abuser.
Adults checking each others phones is unacceptable and not normal.

Yes!

Don’t bother. He has absolutely no intention of killing himself. It’s a last ditch attempt at controlling the OP. That’s it.

It was a reference to an earlier poster saying that it is not unusual for women to look through their man's phone. Which is largely true (often with a feeble excuse such as I referred to). Even as a man, I do not see that the same way.
I am glad the OP got out, it was a massive red flag. I do share my passwords with gfs and now wife, but unlike the poster I was referring to, I do not see that as a major red flag in the same way.

Big fat NOPE.

How is it a double standard ? Most of the threads l’ve seen from women wanting to check their partners’ phones or doing so without permission, seem to be because there are other concerning signs or evidence of something amiss. OP’s situation is totally different. Her partner has allowed his trust issues stemming from past relationships to get to the point where OP has had to leave. And he’s now demanding full access to go through her phone at will as a condition of getting back together. Not remotely the same thing.

Men checking phones or asking too is controlling, same as women checking or wanting too, but the double standard on here is obvious

Fuck him right off cos he sounds like a creep.

My ex didn't want me talking to other men either. What? not even the butcher, baker or a policeman?! Hahaha.

No way. He needs to work on his insecurities giving him the phone would be colluding in that.

You are doing the right thing

Exactly what I have been thinking, reading this thread! I was a young teenager almost 50 years ago, and even then my response to "If you loved me you would do xyz" was "If you loved me, you wouldn't ask me to do something I don't want to". Why are women, grown adults, still falling for this shite?

You have done the right thing. This man is very controlling.

Ha! I use the phrase ‘more red flags than a semaphore conference’! Adding Chinese revolution to the lexicon.

I used to share location with my wife without thinking on my iPhone. But at some point she started calling me and asking why i was certain places and what i was doing. In the end i just told her i was turning off location sharing. Even when i went in a stag weekend in Brighton. Her checking my location was not helping her trust me. She wasn’t happy about it at all and kicked off for a while but it was just making her more anxious. I’d rather not be with someone than be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t trust me. Anxiety is so destructive

He responded with the fact I wouldn’t back down on this with ‘if you loved me you’d do this one small thing for me, it’s not a big deal’

The obvious answer to that is "if you loved me, you'd trust me".

Gawd, can you imagine having to have endless debates over whether there's a secret code in every email, exactly who all your friends are and whether Sam and Jo are male or female, who was at your works Christmas party and did you snog them, etc etc. Life is far too short for that nonsense.

Dump him.

Anyone who holds the entire opposite gender responsible for and accountable for the behaviour of 1 or 2 that may have behaved badly isn't ready to be in a relationship.

It's not your job to reassure him you're not like his cheating ex.

The counsellor would be exploring his issues, not trying to persuade you to do what he says. And, boy, does he have issues! If he's thinking the counsellor would do what he says because he's paying, he's in cloud cuckoo land.

Run as fast as your legs will carry you.

You have absolutely done the right thing. This is not about trust issues, it's controlling and abusive behaviour. Don't go back to him whatever he says or promises. His behaviour won't change (he doesn't think he's in the wrong and is using emotional blackmail to force you to do what he wants) This is not love. It's nothing like love. Don't let his threats of suicide sway you - you are not responsible for his actions. Look after yourself lovely 💐

The death threats are appalling manipulation. You’ve had a lucky escape, OP. Whatever he decides to do is entirely on him. How dare he threaten you like this. Everything is seemingly on you: his trust issues, his need to track you, his need to invade your privacy, his willingness to live. It’s totally unacceptable behaviour. Saying he’ll kill himself if you dare to exercise any autonomy over your life and who you choose to date is the mark of an absolutely awful man. He seriously needs help. He has no idea what a healthy relationship looks like.

My ex who I was with for seven years and who I bought a house with cheated on me. I have still never once gone through my husband’s phone, emails, pockets or tracked him. His ex’s behaviour is not something you deserve to face the consequences for. He may argue that ‘you should have nothing to hide’, but you are within your rights to tell him ‘and you have no reason to check.’ Seriously, this is his issue alone and he needs therapy because this is not the way for him to carry on in future relationships. If he’s only able to relax - temporarily, at that - when he’s checked your phone and stalked your location then you’d effectively never have freedom or privacy ever again. I think you’re right to end it. I think once he’d got permission to track you and check your phone, it would be something else. Interrogation about conversations and parties and nights out. What would he be like about the people you work with? The neighbour? Where does it stop?

Ah op, I'm sorry he's putting that on you. That's absolutely manipulative and abusive behaviour.

This proves that you made the right decision and actually this guy is in no position to be dating anyone without being harmful to them. It's your right to have privacy. It's your right to end a relationship when you feel its time. His behaviour is out of line and yes I'd log it with police as well.