Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Caught brother and sil laughing at my dp behind back

237 replies

IRole · 31/05/2024 11:26

Ok so the title may be slightly exaggerated.

Dp is young but sort of old beyond his years which is fine. But he has to do things his way and is very rigid. Dp and I have spoken about seeking a formal diagnosis for autism as he fits many of the symptoms. Anyway, works for us as I like his planning nature as I am a the opposite.

Recently dp and I had plans with brother and SIL to do an activity. It involved a three hour drive which was perfectly pleasant. Anyway, as we arrived at the destination for this activity Dp just bolts and is like a man on the mission. He is bolting to get said activity going. Now there was no time sensitivity and we had all the time in the world. Any way as I’m trying to tell him to just take in the moment and chill, I catch BIL and sister roll their eyes and start to stifle laughter. It was that type of hysterical laughter which you have to separate to stop. I could see SIL basically motioning at brother to stop looking at her. It was not done in an obnoxious way. But it stung.

100% DP’s behaviour was odd for the group setting and he was not picking up on the social dynamic.

im just hurt. Brother and SIL did reference the behaviour but im embarrassed.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
IRole · 31/05/2024 11:45

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

2 years

OP posts:
uniquelyamtico · 31/05/2024 11:45

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

uniquelyamtico · 31/05/2024 11:44

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 31/05/2024 11:43

MummyCushion · 31/05/2024 11:42

Probably better that they took some humour from the situation than got annoyed with your partner's behaviour. If they are amused by his particular ways then it sounds as though they are accepting of them.

I understand why you would feel hurt and embarrassed though.

Probably better that they took some humour from the situation than got annoyed with your partner's behaviour. If they are amused by his particular ways then it sounds as though they are accepting of them.

Actually this is a very good point.

The phrase "If I didn't laugh, I'd cry" might be relevant to them here.

Hugosmaid · 31/05/2024 11:43

Depends what kind of family you come from. We take the piss out of each other all the time. 100% eye rolling, pretending to nod off if someone is talking, laughing if someone falls over ect.. but we’d probably help them bury a dead body if the need arises 😬

loropianalover · 31/05/2024 11:43

I can see both sides. Yes it’s not nice to see someone have a laugh at your partner, but realistically all couples talk about their friends/family and have their own hang ups and inside jokes.

It seems to be a theme on threads here that people never want to just speak up and say things when they feel bothered - if you can’t pull up your own brother on things, who can you pull up?! Is it really such a big deal to ring your brother and say look I was a little caught off guard by that, is something wrong, did you have a good day otherwise? I don’t think everything has to be a confrontation or argument, but I understand family dynamics can vary greatly.

Original poster
IRole · 31/05/2024 11:43

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

We had factored in traffic for the journey but there was hardly any in the end. So made very good time and were ahead of schedule.

The rest of the day was nice.

OP posts:
uniquelyamtico · 31/05/2024 11:43

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

MummyCushion · 31/05/2024 11:42

Probably better that they took some humour from the situation than got annoyed with your partner's behaviour. If they are amused by his particular ways then it sounds as though they are accepting of them.

I understand why you would feel hurt and embarrassed though.

Myblindsaredown · 31/05/2024 11:42

I think maybe you’re embarassed he did that in front of them. I actually think it is better go good nature laugh and rib someone gently than be embarrassed of them.

bouquetofpheasants · 31/05/2024 11:42

Sprinkles211 · 31/05/2024 11:34

No this shouldn't be let go. I'm the partner of a wonderful and thankfully sometimes oblivious asd man (also 3 asd children) and if my family members did this I most certainly would pull them up on it, it's rude, it's disrespectful and it's down right hurtful to do it behind someone's back.

Sometimes you can’t stop yourself laughing. They were polite and tried.

tignus · 31/05/2024 11:42

it’s sort of funny from their viewpoint I can see that but also unkind from your viewpoint that they were stifling giggles at someone you have feelings for, therefore they are being a bit insensitive. Yeah I’d be annoyed. Some people just have no empathy.

saraclara · 31/05/2024 11:41

IRole · 31/05/2024 11:36

So dp did not see this as he was quite far ahead. Brother and SiL were behind us and I turned to check on them and saw this response.

I could tell they were trying to end the reaction and be subtle.

But no one likes to be laughed at, you know?

They found it funny, they were behind you and showed their amusement to each other.

I'm sorry, but your DP's behaviour was odd and I'd have laughed (assuming that you couldn't see) too.

Actually I might even have laughed if I'd been standing with you, assuming you'd find it funny too.

uniquelyamtico · 31/05/2024 11:40

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

uniquelyamtico · 31/05/2024 11:40

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

Janedoe82 · 31/05/2024 11:39

Was it funny though?

uniquelyamtico · 31/05/2024 11:39

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

BusMumsHoliday · 31/05/2024 11:39

I think it really depends on the nature of the laughter. Laughter that conveys, "Oh, there he goes again," in a teasing but ultimately loving way, that might be accompanied by a cheery, "we're not up against the clock, X!" - I'd let it go. It is a bit amusing when someone is raring to go like that.

Laughter that's cruel, or mocking, or in the spirit of "he just doesn't get it does he, what a weirdo..." - no, that's unkind. I guess the question is, do your DS and BIL like DP and otherwise include him? If so, I'd let this go.

I have an ND DH and DS. If we didn't laugh at some of the things they do, we wouldn't be human and life would be a lot more dull. It was objectively funny when my DH told a departing colleague, "have a nice life!" But we never mock them.

uniquelyamtico · 31/05/2024 11:39

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

Myblindsaredown · 31/05/2024 11:38

IRole · 31/05/2024 11:36

So dp did not see this as he was quite far ahead. Brother and SiL were behind us and I turned to check on them and saw this response.

I could tell they were trying to end the reaction and be subtle.

But no one likes to be laughed at, you know?

Yes but I think many of us would have been amused and they were trying to stop it. I mean you clearly weren’t exaggerating when you said he bolted if he was quite far ahead, if they meant no harm let it go. They weren’t laughing at him as such, simply his behaviour in that moment as it was just very excitable and young,

3luckystars · 31/05/2024 11:38

Well you are going to have to get used to it.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 31/05/2024 11:37

Sprinkles211 · 31/05/2024 11:34

No this shouldn't be let go. I'm the partner of a wonderful and thankfully sometimes oblivious asd man (also 3 asd children) and if my family members did this I most certainly would pull them up on it, it's rude, it's disrespectful and it's down right hurtful to do it behind someone's back.

The OP doesn't know if she has an 'asd man' though.

Therefore, it's unlikely the OP's brother and SIL would know one way or the other either.

Infact they may not even know it's suspected.

Original poster
IRole · 31/05/2024 11:37

coastalhawk · 31/05/2024 11:35

I know people like your DP and sometimes they really make me laugh. It is def affectionate though. I wouldn't worry about it but understand your concern. How are they with him the rest of the time?

Oh perfectly fine. We are well mannered people.

OP posts:
Original poster
IRole · 31/05/2024 11:36

So dp did not see this as he was quite far ahead. Brother and SiL were behind us and I turned to check on them and saw this response.

I could tell they were trying to end the reaction and be subtle.

But no one likes to be laughed at, you know?

OP posts:
Myblindsaredown · 31/05/2024 11:36

Ach let it go, sometimes someone does something and it makes us laugh, as you said, not malicious but we can’t help it. Sometimes you just start laughing and then struggle to stop,

I think maybe more you feel embarassed about it. And I’m afraid you’re going to have to accept that being with him means sometimes people will react in ways you don’t like to unexpected behaviour.

Swipe left for the next trending thread