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AIBU?

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Original poster

Caught brother and sil laughing at my dp behind back

237 replies

IRole · 31/05/2024 11:26

Ok so the title may be slightly exaggerated.

Dp is young but sort of old beyond his years which is fine. But he has to do things his way and is very rigid. Dp and I have spoken about seeking a formal diagnosis for autism as he fits many of the symptoms. Anyway, works for us as I like his planning nature as I am a the opposite.

Recently dp and I had plans with brother and SIL to do an activity. It involved a three hour drive which was perfectly pleasant. Anyway, as we arrived at the destination for this activity Dp just bolts and is like a man on the mission. He is bolting to get said activity going. Now there was no time sensitivity and we had all the time in the world. Any way as I’m trying to tell him to just take in the moment and chill, I catch BIL and sister roll their eyes and start to stifle laughter. It was that type of hysterical laughter which you have to separate to stop. I could see SIL basically motioning at brother to stop looking at her. It was not done in an obnoxious way. But it stung.

100% DP’s behaviour was odd for the group setting and he was not picking up on the social dynamic.

im just hurt. Brother and SIL did reference the behaviour but im embarrassed.

AIBU?

OP posts:
WayOutOfLine · 31/05/2024 14:49

The thing is, we often laugh inadvertently when someone behaves outside of social norms, and it sounds like that's what happened here, and they immediately checked themselves. It's not very nice that that slipped through, and it sounds like they didn't want to upset you or him, but unfortunately sometimes small things do go through, I have to try very hard not to roll my eyes in meetings, and I can't catch my good colleague's gaze, as if I do, I will start laughing when a particular colleague starts their monologue. I'm sure occasionally people roll their eyes at me.

If they do it again, call them on it. If it was an inadvertent and quickly stifled hysterical laughter, probably out of the social stress of the situation, I'd let it go.

fieldsofbutterflies · 31/05/2024 14:48

@RitaFires so you wait a couple of minutes or call out after him - no need to laugh about him behind his back.

RitaFires · 31/05/2024 14:47

fieldsofbutterflies · 31/05/2024 14:40

@RitaFires no, it's not kind but the answer is to say something to them, not laugh behind their back - especially when that person is suspected of being neurodivergent.

How can they say something to him in that moment? He literally ran away from them.

MsAWK · 31/05/2024 14:45

Myblindsaredown · 31/05/2024 14:36

Come on now. He isn’t diagnosed autistic, she doesn’t know if he is, they certainly don’t, no one is encouraging folks to laugh at autistic people. Simply in this context he did something that made them laugh, and it wasn’t unkind.

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Obviously no one discourages them either - otherwise there wouldn't be so many "adults" who still behave in this way, or think it's OK to.

fieldsofbutterflies · 31/05/2024 14:40

@RitaFires no, it's not kind but the answer is to say something to them, not laugh behind their back - especially when that person is suspected of being neurodivergent.

Verv · 31/05/2024 14:38

I can see why you having to streak behind a DC at full pelt could be an amusing spectacle, and I'm aware that you cant plan or control what you laugh at.
I think you're being a bit sensitive OP, sometimes people laugh at what they see, rather than cruelly at an individual.

Roundroundthegarden · 31/05/2024 14:38

This person isn't even diagnosed yet people are running with that. Typical. So what now? Everyone who acts odd/rude/ awkward must be assumed to be on the spectrum?

DontKnow1988 · 31/05/2024 14:37

YABU. My BIL is in the process of getting an autism diagnosis. He has his quirks and sounds similar to your DH re timings and marching on etc. We've just been on a weekend away with him and the rest of the family. A couple of times we made light of what he was doing because if we didn't, we would be annoyed and not spend time with him because he does absolutely drive us up the wall sometimes.

Myblindsaredown · 31/05/2024 14:36

MsAWK · 31/05/2024 14:32

I assume the people on here who think that it's fine are the parents of the "dc" who laugh and smirk at my autistic ds in the playground.
They sound incredibly childish (to say the least) op.

Come on now. He isn’t diagnosed autistic, she doesn’t know if he is, they certainly don’t, no one is encouraging folks to laugh at autistic people. Simply in this context he did something that made them laugh, and it wasn’t unkind.

Hadjab · 31/05/2024 14:33

something2say · 31/05/2024 14:18

I've just read the op but basically I don't like people like this, with their perfect lives and no differences.

OP I would avoid your brother and his wife. They are mean and shallow and they laugh at different people to their face. Once I saw that, I would avoid them. Hugs to you xxx

That's an overreaction.

Confused Tom Hanks GIF
RitaFires · 31/05/2024 14:32

fieldsofbutterflies · 31/05/2024 14:25

It was still unnecessarily unkind 🤷‍♀️

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Sprinting away from people you've travelled with to do an activity together is hardly the epitome of kindness either. People often laugh when they feel uncomfortable and they were certainly in a strange situation.

MsAWK · 31/05/2024 14:32

I assume the people on here who think that it's fine are the parents of the "dc" who laugh and smirk at my autistic ds in the playground.
They sound incredibly childish (to say the least) op.

BusyMummy001 · 31/05/2024 14:31

KreedKafer · 31/05/2024 11:56

You’re being incredibly over-sensitive about this.

Sometimes, people’s quirks are funny. It’s fine to acknowledge that. They weren’t sneering at him or taking the piss. They were laughing at something that was funny/quirky. In my family - and I think most families - laughing at something like that would mean that we found it endearing.

I’m dyspraxic. Last time I saw my family, I was getting in a right old pickle putting my coat on and it made my mum and my brother laugh. That then made me laugh too. It was an affectionate laugh at something that is objectively funny and also quintessentially ‘me’ in their eyes. It was OK for them to laugh because there was no negative judgement involved.

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So they laughed WITH you rather than behind your back?

fieldsofbutterflies · 31/05/2024 14:26

My teenage DD is autistic and would be so upset if people laughed at her for essentially being autistic.

I think this is the crux of it.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 31/05/2024 14:26

you are over thinking it, and are being over protective on behalf of your dp.

get a diagnosis soon, as then you can explain to people why he is as he is - if you feel the need to.

Original poster
IRole · 31/05/2024 14:26

SonicTheHodgeheg · 31/05/2024 13:39

Would you have preferred them to say something out loud or pretend not to notice that your partner ran off?
I would have tried not to laugh if somebody that I wasn’t close to did this but if it was a family member then there would be gentle ribbing because that’s our sort of dynamic. Considering that your dp wasn’t in earshot, I’m surprised that your brother didn’t make some sort of comment to you but I’m guessing that you’re not very close to him ? If my brother had annoyed me, I would have said so but different families have different dynamics.

So I am close to brother and SiL. See them fairly regularly despite not living particularly close. So my siblings and I can take the piss out of each other. No problem. And I can poke fun at DP.

We just haven’t reached a level of comfortableness where SIL/brother feel close enough to take the piss out of dp.

OP posts:
fieldsofbutterflies · 31/05/2024 14:25

tiddletiddleboomboom · 31/05/2024 14:09

But they didn't start laughing right away, as OP says she only noticed it when she turned around and saw them doing it

Yes, as was bolting. So right away

It was still unnecessarily unkind 🤷‍♀️

Prawncow · 31/05/2024 14:24

I think I I would find it less hurtful if they had just be open in their bemusement. Why feel the need to hide it?

To avoid upsetting you (which obviously backfired)? Because your brother and DP don’t have a close enough relationship for him to make a joke?

TwattyMcFuckFace · 31/05/2024 14:22

IRole · 31/05/2024 14:16

I 100% know it was not mean spirited. I was literally chasing after DP (maybe a step or two behind) but having to sort of jog to catch up. Dp was acting like we were in some sort of race.

I turned around to check if my brother and SIL had kept up and just saw them trailing behind suppressing laughter. It was very manic to begin with as we left the car.

I think I I would find it less hurtful if they had just be open in their bemusement. Why feel the need to hide it?

Edited

I 100% know it was not mean spirited. I was literally chasing after DP (maybe a step or two behind) but having to sort of jog to catch up. Dp was acting like we were in some sort of race.

See even this conjures up an amusing image.

Like a scene from a sitcom.

Myblindsaredown · 31/05/2024 14:19

something2say · 31/05/2024 14:18

I've just read the op but basically I don't like people like this, with their perfect lives and no differences.

OP I would avoid your brother and his wife. They are mean and shallow and they laugh at different people to their face. Once I saw that, I would avoid them. Hugs to you xxx

adding kisses does not make your comment any less horrible.

something2say · 31/05/2024 14:18

I've just read the op but basically I don't like people like this, with their perfect lives and no differences.

OP I would avoid your brother and his wife. They are mean and shallow and they laugh at different people to their face. Once I saw that, I would avoid them. Hugs to you xxx

Myblindsaredown · 31/05/2024 14:18

IRole · 31/05/2024 14:16

I 100% know it was not mean spirited. I was literally chasing after DP (maybe a step or two behind) but having to sort of jog to catch up. Dp was acting like we were in some sort of race.

I turned around to check if my brother and SIL had kept up and just saw them trailing behind suppressing laughter. It was very manic to begin with as we left the car.

I think I I would find it less hurtful if they had just be open in their bemusement. Why feel the need to hide it?

Edited

Can you not see the humour in that tbough, him dashing off, you jogging after him, telling him to chill and enjoy the moment?

DracoDormiensNumquamTittilandum · 31/05/2024 14:18

PearlKoala · 31/05/2024 13:54

He wasn't being annoying though was he? And there is no need for him to stop doing things like running ahead because others might find it odd. It was a really harmless move by the OPs dp, she was embarrassed but that's her issue, the OPs brother and sil laughed, that's their issue, meanwhile the OPs dp was off living his best life 🤷🏻‍♀️

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I think trying to hurry people up to start an activity when there was no need for it might be annoying TBH

TwattyMcFuckFace · 31/05/2024 14:17

wearemodernidiots · 31/05/2024 14:15

My teenage DD is autistic and would be so upset if people laughed at her for essentially being autistic.

They weren't being kind, but I do see that they were trying to keep it to themselves. Still think they require a think about why they were laughing at him.

Edited

No-one knows if this man is autistic so that's not why they were laughing.

They were laughing because they found what he did funny.

Original poster
IRole · 31/05/2024 14:16

I 100% know it was not mean spirited. I was literally chasing after DP (maybe a step or two behind) but having to sort of jog to catch up. Dp was acting like we were in some sort of race.

I turned around to check if my brother and SIL had kept up and just saw them trailing behind suppressing laughter. It was very manic to begin with as we left the car.

I think I I would find it less hurtful if they had just be open in their bemusement. Why feel the need to hide it?

OP posts:
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