Caught brother and sil laughing at my dp behind back

I might laugh at someone in a wheelchair if they did something funny- like fart inappropriately. And I knew them well enough. I would crack up.
Having a disability doesn’t mean that you are devoid of human foibles.
And BIL and SIL do not know that DH is disabled so they are not laughing as his disability. They are chuckling at a funny situation.

I wonder how they'd feel if it was their child or partner being laughed at.

He doesn't have an autistic diagnosis though. He hasn't even been for an assessment. If OP took your advice and told her brother her DP had a specific condition that means he behaves in certain ways it would be a lie - he MAY have a specific condition, or he might not. Not everyone who occasionally exhibits slightly unusual behaviours is autistic, in fact it's more ableist to assume that.

OP's brother and SIL have spent, what a few days in total with the DP since OP has known him (if they've met 15 times), and there is no indication that they've been told about the autism considerations.

It is perfectly normal for EVERYONE to do slightly odd, annoying, or funny things sometimes, and for other people to notice these things.

Because as my autistic DH will tell you autistic people can also do silly, daft things that makes someone chuckle and laugh. Just like I do absurd stuff sometimes and raise a chuckle from my family (including DH).

OP, I would found it hurtful to. It's one way to find somethign a bit amusing and smiling to yourself, and another to laugh at someone so bad you can barely breathe. People behave in different ways and have a tight to have quirks, Id be telling your brother you found his behaviour hurtful and not be arranging meetups in future.

I’m sure you feel protective of him but I also think you have to accept that people will have a snigger at him if he’s a bit odd. It’s just life.

Do you think it's funny to laugh at people with disabilities (which autism is), do you laugh at people in wheelchairs often for example?

No sticks up bums here, but thanks for your interest.

If that's your attitude I presume it's just fine and dandy with you if people laugh at you, then?

There are some really mean people on this thread.

Yes because 71% accept that sometimes amusing situations occur and as the dh was streaking ahead they could hardly laugh with him.

We don’t all have sticks up our bum.

I’m surprised they found him rushing off so hysterically funny if I’m honest…

Well if your dp ran ahead with you after him trying to keep up I would have dissolved into giggles too.
He sounds like Martin from Ever Decreasing Circles.
I’m laughing just imagining the situation.

We can’t always control what amuses us.

Tbh I think I might have laughed too. Him running full pelt when there was no need to rush, you jogging to try and catch up with him. Him not slowing down for you. I can see it might have looked a comedic scene. Sometimes you just get the hysterical giggles and the laughter can be contagious when there's two of you at it.

Can't believe someone is telling you to avoid your bro and sil from now on. That gets a massive eye roll from me.

Wow. 71% think it's OK to laugh at people behind their backs?

No mistake. OP clearly said she and her DP have discussed trying to get a diagnosis for him because of his behaviour. And autism and associated conditions are well in the public domain these days. No excuse for juvenile and hurtful behaviour. If OP saw it, they obviously didn’t even attempt to disguise it and that in itself isn’t acceptable.

I'm sorry but it DOES sound funny - a grown man just running off apropos of nothing and girlfriend chasing after him - it is weird!
You accept he was behaving oddly
Its normal to laugh at something funny. It sounds like they were doing it in an affectionate way rather than a mean way - they weren't making fun of him or doing impressions or saying something sarcastic
Therefore its really hard to see what they did 'wrong'

Perhaps they thought they were being kinder by trying to stifle it. Or perhaps they were actually just laughing normally and it was your impression (because you were a bit embarrassed by DPs behaviour) tha they were trying to hide it - contrary to internet slang it's actually quite hard to laugh out loud and most people, unless something is pants-wettingly hilarious, tend to do more of a quiet giggle/laugh naturally, particularly if they are also trying to walk or do something else at the same time.

I honestly think you are really overthinking this. You spent a whole day together and had a long drive and an activity, all of which presumably went really well with no issues, yet this tiny thing is the part you are picking on?

This. You are assuming they were laughing at your partner. Maybe they were actually laughing at your reaction and the fact you were trying to catch up with him or telling him to relax and he completely ignored you.

@Startingagainandagain OP’s partner doesn’t have autism. OP says he has some features, but there isn’t a diagnosis.

Rightly or wrongly and going against the opinion of many, I would feel as you do OP and don’t feel you’re overreacting. I would feel a little bit hurt and let down by my brother who I would expect to have more loyalty in this situation, particularly if I was close to him. But if it were me, I wouldn’t do anything about it, I would just carry on as normal in the knowledge that my brother and SIL obviously have an a bit of a laugh at my husband’s expense when they’re on their own and on this occasion, they couldn’t contain their giggles. But I’d be hurt.

They'd probably just had a conversation in the car about him doing exactly that and then he did so it was funny. I wouldn't think anything more of it.

@IRole I do think the eye roll is rude but honestly wouldn't make a big deal out of it; you can either ignore this or blow it out of all proportion. I suggest you do the former

From what you describe, they could well have been laughing more at the situation than your DP specifically.

Either way, I think most would have struggled to keep a straight face. Only you can decide if it was out of nastiness or not and if you don't think it was then there's really no need for this headspace you're giving it.

I was going to say this too, how on earth do you know what they were laughing at?

Also wrt to DH he will also tell you that he can do daft things. We are human. We do batshit stuff sometimes. It may be his autism or it may not. We can never know because DH can’t turn his autism on and off. I won’t mock DH for his sensory stuff but when he’s being a numpty I am happy to tell him and we are happy to have a giggle.

DH is autistic. I am pretty sure everyone finds him odd including my parents. He’s also never fully broken the ice with my best friend and her DH and we have been together for 22 years. He is shy and reserved as well whereas I am really not. But everyone also knows him as a kind man who is brilliant at his job and is a great husband and father. Am I protective? Yes. When we were younger I used to try and mould him to fit, give him clues and nudges. Now I don’t. He is who he is. He’s my very lovely husband and it’s okay. I would let it go.