Caught brother and sil laughing at my dp behind back

We're a family. Sometimes we get annoyed at each other. Sometimes we talk to each other about one of the others. Mostly we get on very well.

I think I'm just more honest than some of the perfect posters on here 🤷🏻‍♀️.

You don't sound like a very nice person. I am sure you will get over it.

Of course I have, but that doesn't mean it's not unkind behaviour.

We have sometimes laughed at my aunt behind her back. Because she has said something or done something that she doesn't realise is funny and one of us tells the others. She wouldn't even understand if we told her what was funny. We also sometimes give out about her behind her back because she's a human who sometimes annoys us!

It's human nature. OP's BF did something a bit off and out of character. Probably caught brother and SIL off guard. Have you never sniggered inappropriately at something? Knowing you probably shouldn't laugh but not able? Have you never got an uncontrollable fit of giggles over something ridiculously childish?

No, never. Not when it is a disability. It is simply not funny at all.

Your examples are laughing with someone with a disability, because it is a shared activity, even if what you are laughing about is quirks about their disability. You have to be friends with someone to do this and know where the limits are.

That is fundamentally different from laughing at someone's disability behind their back, even to the point they cannot control themselves. You can literally do this to anyone whether you know them or not.

Big difference. It is not at all patronising to say this.

People make fun of all sorts of people without that person necessarily knowing. Most people have probably spoken in not very flattering terms about a work colleague for example, or a family member, or a neighbour etc.

It's human nature. OP's BF did something a bit off and out of character. Probably caught brother and SIL off guard. Have you never sniggered inappropriately at something? Knowing you probably shouldn't laugh but not able? Have you never got an uncontrollable fit of giggles over something ridiculously childish?

It's not about never laughing at their quirks, it's about not doing it behind their backs.

I'm autistic and do lots of "odd" things - people close to me often rib me about it but they do it in a nice way. If I found out they were taking the mick behind my back I would be really upset.

Would it be OK for them to laugh at a child with Down's syndrome? someone in a wheelchair? of course not.

My aunt has Down Syndrome. She has lived in our family home for over 40 years. We regularly laugh at things she says and does. We also often laugh with her. She laughs at things we do.

I have a friend in a wheelchair and we constantly laugh at each other and poke fun at each other. We both poke fun at her disability. We both poke fun at random things about me.

So to answer your question, yes! Yes it would be ok to laugh at people with Down Syndrome. And yes it would be ok to laugh at someone in a wheelchair. By not laughing you are in fact singling them out and treating them differently to other people in your family, social group etc.

there's something patronising about the idea that an autistic person must never be laughed at because they're 'disabled'.

Your brother and SIL are very childish and immature. Was it THAT hilarious? They sound like they could be bullies in their ignorance and stupidity.

I would not find a disability so uproariously funny to the point I could not control myself.

Very angry on your and your DP's behalf.

I'm autistic. I do weird stuff sometimes. If people are going to be compelled to laugh at me (and honestly, I don't blame them) then I'd rather they spared my feelings by at least trying to hide it. That in itself shows consideration.

<shrugs>

I think I'm the only one struggling to picture the scene, but I genuinely can't make sense of this without knowing what the activity was.

I mean, if it was like paintballing or something and he was bolting off to not miss the briefing/get decent equipment etc then your brother was being weird.

If it was a stroll round a stately home then I think one of you should have asked him to slow down and your brother and his wife should have been doing that not snickering behind his back.

I think the issue is that they're not really family, and OP says the ice between them has never really been properly broken.

It was also done behind his back rather than as a "Oh Joe, don't be so daft" scenario.

I can see why this stung a bit.
If their laughing at him is a one off Id let it lie. Id say something only if they make a regular event of it.

Family members I adore have quirks that make me laugh and I try to stifle the giggles. I love them even more for the quirks. If they are nice people then accept it is affectionate and celebrate his quirks!

Of course because I don’t take myself seriously.
And sometimes I do daft things.

You’re assuming he doesn't have the ability to laugh at himself and be in on the joke.

oooh what an angry little teddy

Would everyone find it amusing if instead of a man doing 'silly' where a woman with some anxiety doing 'silly'?
Personally and after nearly 50 years on this planet I'm sick of people finding amusing mine.
Just because they are not particularly visible doesn't mean that the individual who suffers it is struggling in some situation that others would find normal.

Get used to being laughed at?

what an odious human you are

As OP tells it, though, they were laughing at him, not with him. There's a difference.

I’m autistic and dyspraxic and laugh at some of my quirks and foibles and I have no problem with my family laughing at them too because we’re laughing together.

If someone is distressed then that’s one thing but otherwise I see no problem with this.

I’m autistic not made of glass. I’m tired of other autistic people expecting all of us to be treated like we are.

Also inappropriate laughter can be an autistic trait too. I laughed my head off when a friend scalded herself(She was fine) but though I laughed(involuntarily) I wasn’t at all amused. I was terrified and didn’t actually find it funny but my brain mixes up my emotions sometimes so I’m hardly going to criticise someone for doing the same.