Caught brother and sil laughing at my dp behind back

I have ADHD and I'm clumsy and make frequent mistakes that I just have to learn to live with, because if I beat myself up for them it would destroy my self esteem.

I'm good at laughing at myself but really hate it when people laugh at me for eg when I've done something like knock over a drink, it happened in training once and the trainer kept saying "how could you do that? How could you not see it?" in front of everyone. As if I'd choose to humiliate myself in front of everyone and have to clean it up whilst everyone stares?

So whilst I don't think I'm made of glass and need to be tiptoed around it would be nice if people could just accept that we are all different and not go out of their way to humiliate and laugh at us.

This 💯 It's beyond me why some people on this thread can't seem to grasp that there is a difference between laughing with someone and laughing at them.

Your brother and SIL are far too old, and far too in the current times, not to know how to behave better.

I'd find their behaviour far more odd, than you dp's, to be honest. You often just know when someone is not NT (not all the time) but sometimes, it is clear. If you suspect someone is ND, you shouldn't be laughing at them, it's really quite mean. To be honest, at the age they're at, if someone behaves a bit oddly, suspected ND or not, it's still mean and bad form to be stifling laughter like that.

I'd be upset too -it's your DP. This wasn't 'my dp did something funny', this is 'my dp was behaving a bit socially awkward/odd & was completely unaware of this & my family almost couldn't control laughing at him'. And honestly I'd find their behaviour really gross and mean spirited. Not people I'd want to associate with.

I've had people do this to me, as in give me a 'look' and start trying to stifle laughter, obviously expecting me to join in, at people behaving a bit oddly in a social context. I've absolutely called them out on it. I know which one I find more socially odd, and it's not your DP.

There's a world of difference between laughing with someone, and laughing at them. Laughing at people is really cruel.

Yeah fair point actually.

Yes, I see where you are coming from.

I am the last person to diagnose someone. But will give allowance to people who are different.

Some people have it harder than others every single day through no fault of their own. There is no excuse to laugh at the OP's behind his back DP in the way OP's brother and SIL did. The fact that they could not control themselves betrays their immaturity and ignorance.

Fair enough but you're going backwards and forwards talking about disability as though you've decided he has one, and then back to general 'odd behavior'.

This is something that annoys and upsets many ND people.

Just because someone's behaviour is considered 'odd' or rude, does not automatically make them autistic or disabled.

If someone behaved oddly, I would give them the benefit of the doubt that they DID have a disability (diagnosed or not) and be kind and not laugh at them just for being odd.

For your benefit, I not am diagnosing anyone, since you appear to be hung up about diagnoses and keep harping about it.

It is not a get of jail free card to say that someone is not diagnosed and laugh at them because they are odd. It is in fact a measly excuse to cover up for poor and childish behaviour.

So if you haven't diagnosed this man with autism, can you tell me what you meant when you said earlier...

No, never. Not when it is a disability. It is simply not funny at all.

Which disability has he got, because the OP hasn't mentioned he has one?

The OP was quite clear no one was laughing hysterically

I am not making a formal diagnosis. If I am in doubt, I would give the party the benefit of the doubt.

It is not fine to laugh at someone just because they are odd. Sound like a bunch of bullies.

Do you really things to be pointed out in your face? Are you so devoid of sensitivity and life experience?

Are you qualified to diagnose a complete stranger with autism over the internet?

If so, the NHS could really do with your help to keep the waiting lists down.

You yourself admit your DP is a little unusual so it's likely that people will notice it and find it funny.
My DH has his quirks and I've definitely seen members of my family laugh or roll their eyes when he behaves in a certain way. I'm not going to get offended on DH's behalf. It's really just a perfectly natural reaction to how he is.

OP: Any way as I’m trying to tell him to just take in the moment and chill, I catch BIL and sister roll their eyes and start to stifle laughter. It was that type of hysterical laughter which you have to separate to stop. I could see SIL basically motioning at brother to stop looking at her. It was not done in an obnoxious way. But it stung.

You are splitting hairs in an effort to deflect. They would have laughed out hysterically had they not tried to stifle it. They found it hysterically funny for someone to behave oddly that they could barely keep it in.

I'd have laughed too, you had a fun day planned so spirits would be high and running needlessly to an activity with other adults is amusing. So I wouldn't necessarily be laughing at him, if that makes sense?
I'd rather they laugh than get annoyed that he was rushing them needlessly because that's what suited him.

The OP was quite clear no one was laughing hysterically.

A person acting oddly enough for his partner to run after him would be sufficient for me to give them the benefit of the doubt. Not a licence to laugh hysterically.

Do you really things to be pointed out in your face? Are you so devoid of sensitivity and life experience?

My OH would be the sprinter, we all roll eyes at each other because he's a man on a mission every moment of every day. He's definitely ADHD. It can be exhausting.

THEY HAVEN'T BEEN TOLD THAT HE MIGHT BE AUTISTIC

How many times does this have to be said? The only conversation about a possible autism diagnosis has been between OP and her partner. The brother and SIL just see the guy acting oddly and OP panicking and trying to catch him. That would have been amusing.

You are definitely not the only one! I can’t imagine what can be so funny that made them hysterical 🤷🏻‍♀️

My friends always laugh at my ways, but they do it to my face. I never think anything of it. I think if I found out they were laughing behind my back it would be different.

Why have you decided he has autism when no-one knows this?

It's not that someone different deserves ridicule. I don't believe anybody has said that... But sometimes funny situations will arise. Either by someone doing something funny, or reacting or not to something. Whether they are "different" or not should be largely irrelevant.

Bear in mind OP's partner is an adult who doesn't have a diagnosis. They just think he might have something. Do brother and SIL know this? Or did they just see a grown man running off like a lunatic to get started when they were still just getting themselves out of the car?

OP is sensitive because she thinks there might be a possible diagnosis. There's no evidence that the other 2 have any clue that there's a query.

Is this what you wanted op, some folks have now decided your partner is actually disabled and your brother the type who laughs at disabled people.

i suspect not. But give some people an inch and they are going to take a mile.

Their behaviour is on them. Call them our.

God, the world would be boring if we were all the same, wouldn't it but still far too many people that think anyone different deserves ridicule. Shame on them. They will hopefully grow up!

I can't speak for anyone else, but for me it's not even about the possible autism, it's just not nice to laugh at anyone behind their back. And it's depressing to see so many people on this thread making the 'it's human nature/sometimes you can't help it' excuse. Grown adults should be capable of controlling their behaviour.