To be pissed of for DH interrupting me while I'm working

I remember a few months back, the consensus on a similar thread was that a complete bastard for working from home while OP was with on her day off from the office with the kids.

I didn't agree with that stance, so I'm on your side OP. Just a funny observation about the hive mind.

(I wouldn’t frame a need stemming from a disability as a choice.)

Perhaps you have ADHD too and should also do your days in the office?
Women tend to be missed until they hit burnout from the overload.

@Cryingatthegym
I am sorry to hear that work is a lot right now. I hope the workload will stabilise. Is there any chance of working overtime for TOIL?

My reading was that he is not available at all on her day looking after their DC but is absolutely expecting her support during his day.

I read that was because he is always in the office on those days. The OP does say it is ‘by choice’ but also that her WFH is on a rota. I don’t know if her DH has flexibility to have a WFH day on a day she isn’t working that isn’t a consistent same day of the week?

If he can, then mirror image would prove that he would support her the same by covering a bathroom break, but as it is we don’t know how he would treat OP if the situation were reversed.

I’d still tell OP to treat her DH how she would like to be treated if the situation were reversed so that if it does happen there isn’t an expectation of you have to deal with everything and can’t ask for a ten minute bathroom break because she has set that herself as the one WFH previously.

Fair enough, @SummerFeverVenice I would agree if OP's was describing a level playing field. My reading was that he is not available at all on her day looking after their DC but is absolutely expecting her support during his day.

How would you ensure a successful reset of expectation?

Since he doesn't already appreciate the unfairness, I would not waste my time in discussions and absolutely use actions rather than words. Simples.

Most men won’t poo in a public toilet, they save it up for home. Which is probably why it takes so long at home. They must do long poo snakes.

I'm just wondering something about men and pooing.

If all men genuinely need 15 minutes to poo, why aren't the queues outside of men's toilets huge?

God how annoying. Your work is simply Not As Important.

MI5 approach - a secret camera / movement detector in the hall, whip your headphones on, and start talking very intently, typing frantically, lots of 'uh huh, I see, that sounds very challenging'

Practice a frantic 'shhh ... No ... This is urgent ...' expression and hand movements as he comes in.

'Say again, sorry, you cut out there, let me just take this down ...'

We should have a Mumsnet script for interrupting DHs we can all dive into to run when the demands start.

@FinallyHere

You talk about the situation like it is a war between the sexes. With boundaries for borders and language of ‘don’t allow him to win’

A partnership or marriage with kids is a team effort, it’s not a conflict where partners are at war.

I don’t think having zero flexibility and refusing to assist now and then or even answer to a quick question when reasonable is conducive to a successful outcome for all. Not in a job, not in a business, and certainly not in a friendship or marriage or when coparenting.

It’s best to support each other so long as no one is taking advantage or taking something for granted.

And that at some level he is relying on this.

Don't allow him to 'win' It's really really important to maintain your boundaries

Actions speak louder than words.

Don't bother with a lock for your door, just get a small doorstop wedge and wedge the door shut. Don't answer any questions.

Overall, don't feel bad about separating work and home. It's the feeling bad about sticking to your guns that's gets so many of us doing more than our fair share.

If you are consistent and ignore any comments, he will eventually settle down.

Should you have to do it this way - No. do you, well, yes until he stops being a dick.

Possibly the irritation and tbf I would feel that irritation too.

The shoe has been on the other foot in my case. I have been home with the DC while DH does a WFH day at the bottom of the garden in the summer house. I have desperately needed to go to the toilet or get a shower before I head out to work (kids can get all kinds of mess on you and in your hair) and I have asked him to take a 10min break and keep an eye on the DC for me.

Yes I could manage without, but I would be anxious the whole time as to their safety.

Asking him was so I can have peace of mind the kids are not unsupervised while I am in the bathroom. Small kids can get into serious trouble in 2 minutes, and Sod’s Law is that it would happen the one time you take your eyes off them for a dash to the toilet or a quick shower.

So yes, it is irritating and I wouldn’t let my partner abuse this, as I always only asked my partner when I genuinely had a need for ten minutes from him.

It seems its because you do errands etc on your break you are not reinforcing the message that when you are working you are working and it's a working day for you. Start to be more assertive about the fact you are working, need peace and space to get on and he needs to just get on with handling the dcs until you finish for the day.

I would be ok with taking a 10-15min break so a partner could use the toilet. 10-15mins isn’t going to make or break a job. If I were in the middle of something, like a meeting or desperately trying to meet a deadline, I would say set the kids up in front of TV with a show or with colouring books and I’ll watch them while on my laptop from kitchen.

It’s not like he is asking you to make them all lunch or to come help clean up 1,000,000 beads or lego pieces.

one possibility is the local supermarket cafe @Cryingatthegym ?

Why? She is working? What would he do if she had gone into work today?

I suspect he would have managed the situation

Stand your ground OP! I told a pregnant friend recently that yeah she thinks her other half is great now but in a few months she'll be monitoring his shitting habits and waiting outside the door furiously if he's not in and out. She looked dubious but we'll see 🤣🤣

DH will go at the first slight rumble and wait for ages. Don't know how he's happy with wasting so much of his day on the toilet but hey ho. He's always genuinely amazed when I'm just in and out.

DH and I both WFH some days and it's definitely easier to plan it so we're not both at home on the same day. DH's days are fixed whereas I have more control over my schedule so will arrange to be onsite for his WFH days. DD also made us signs to put outside the study door which show when we can definitely not be disturbed. Plus we have a general agreement that we do not go near the study if one of us is working in there and keep noise down etc out of respect if we do happen to both be at home at the same time. DH has to make lots of sensitive phone calls and I often have Teams meetings or times when I need to concentrate. We had a discussion to work out ground rules about this as we were getting stressed with each other and it's working well now we've put them in place.

Ridiculous! I WFH too and this would seriously piss me off.
Make a sign for your office door saying "do not disturb on a call".
I think when you've calmed down have a talk with him about acceptable behaviour when you're working. If it was me I would be expecting noise to be kept down at least around the office area and for the kids to be taken out for at least a couple of hours.

Yeah I've heard that men decide they're going for a shit and they just sit there until it decides to drop out. Someone should do a study.

Get a rubber wedge for the door OP. He can't disturb you then.