To wonder how mums of yore did it

Hold on to your hats mumsnetters
My granny had 21 kids 😳🤯🤯🤯.
My dad was the youngest.

My other granny had 8 but then passed away pregnant with twins.

I think they had a lot of help from older children, my mum was second oldest and she always said they looked after the babies

My mam has seven kids, started at 19 and most of us have only 1-2 years between us.

When asked she has said she coped because:

• She started young and her body and energy levels bounced back quick between each baby and she had the energy to burn the candle at both ends and in the middle.
• She has multiple siblings and so does my dad so she had A LOT of family help (I was raised by my parents, grandparents, great grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and the ladies from church)
• Motherly perfection was not an expectation in the late 80's/early 90's so she was under infinitely less pressure to be perfect and flawless all the time like modern mums are.
• My dad always pulled his weight and did his fair share with us.
• We kids pitched in to keeping the family running from the moment we were old enough to do so. Self sufficiency was a vital skill for us to learn. Old school farm family, I could milk a cow and shear a sheep before I learned my times tables. We weren't entertained with constant activities, we had to work!
• She didn't have to work outside the farm and home, from the moment my eldest brother was born.

Modern life just isn't set up for big families unless you've got "fuck you money", I don't think. Or it's a lot harder than it used to be.

They didn't have MN or Social Media to waste hours on every week.

My maternal grandmother was widowed in the 1940s, leaving her with 3 kids, 4, 3 and 3 months old respectively. She went to work (she was a nurse) and her mother raised the kids.

My mil is the oldest of many, growing up in rural Northern Ireland. By the time she was 10, she was cooking and cleaning and providing tons of childcare.

We stopped at 2 because I hated being pregnant, had horrendous mental health after dc1 and I didnt want a 3rd csection however I found 0 to 1 way harder than 1 to 2 so I think we could have definitely coped with more. Acceptance is a big part of it imo. One rubbish meal isnt a problem for example. Of your list OP, the only bit which would really annoy me would be the cues, especially around physical play when its not wanted. However I'd expect him to figure out and/or improve all that list when I raised it. I think (understandably with anxiety) mothers often set too high a standard and thus the other parent gets away with weaponised incompetance. Have you discussed it with him?

https://eu.usatoday.com/story/news/factcheck/2021/07/25/fact-check-coke-once-contained-cocaine-but-likely-less-than-claimed/8008325002/

I think nowadays people (mothers) are advised to parent in a way that causes anxiety. Too much mental load

Mums didn’t spend hours playing with their toddlers.
the kids did chores regularly, dressed themselves and the younger ones. Less toys is less tidying, and they played outside a lot. Dinner was one of 5-10 meals with limited variety and no one spent hours dreaming up new meals. The 6yo sets the table, the 8yo washes the dishes , the 10 does the rest of the clean up while mum baths the little ones.

Pretty much sums up my 1960's childhood😂

Would add that we either walked or rode our bikes to any after school or weekend activity; completely unheard of for parents to chauffeur their kids anywhere.

1. Mothers were younger generally
2. They didn't have to be both the main breadwinner and the one doing 80%of shit at home
3. Less focus on happiness and development of the kids, less blame on the mothers if the kids didn't turn out perfect.
4. More wider family help

I am an ambitious woman trying to have it all and now I'm pregnant, I'm like WTF. I'm too unwell to work 60 hours a week yet the mortgage depends on me taking zero sick days. I have to breastfeed but also go back to the office at 20 weeks as that's all I get for mat leave here. It makes no sense. I resent my DH like I never thought I could before. He makes less than 1/3 of what I make and he does zero gestation obviously. His body will be unscathed and he's currently training for a marathon. Man is living the fucking dream.

I was born in the 70s and one of 8 children from a farming family. DM stopped working outside of the home on the eve of her wedding day and never went back. Her life was literally the farm and DC, even then I'd say I was mostly raised by a sister who was only eight years older than me.
We lived in the arse-end of nowhere so there were no extracurricular activities. We were all 'working' around the farm not long after being able to walk. My cousins envied our huge slightly chaotic household with horses, loads of animals and thr countryside. I envied their pretty dresses, dolls and ballet lessons. Rather tellingly (apart from myself with 3 DC), every other sibling has an only child.

My mum had four children, but she stayed at home. I had less but I still don't really have a career even though they're older now. I think I could have managed university 10 years ago, if I knew then how precious my youth was, and I wish I did it

So many years back by that stage many mums would have a ~16 year old child (along with other teens) to help as the recovery was getting harder after having the last few children.

So, for example, he will forget to change a nappy as he only thinks it's time for a nappy change if DC has done a poo.
He won't prepare anything particularly appetising for DC's meals and doesn't have an alternative food for DC to try if she won't eat what we've given.
If DC's clothes are wet, DH thinks it's ok, her clothes aren't that wet whereas I will change her.
DH doesn't always get DC's cues that she isn't enjoying a certain kind of play eg. not wanting to roughhouse alllll the time.
DH struggles to get DC to nap when she should and sleep at bedtime.

You have a shit DH. Not all men are like this.

My dad is the youngest of 12 and there was a 30 year gap between him and the eldest. Definitely the older siblings did alot of childcare. I've got 1 and am way too knackered to ever consider a second 🤣

How old are you? Recovery at 20 is immeasurably easier than recovery at 35.

DH and I both have large families and both suffered due to having loads of siblings, it wasn’t something we wanted for our family. It’s not just about emotionally coping but financially for us. We wanted to be able to afford nice holidays, paying for Uni without worrying, the children having hobbies, driving lessons and first cars, getting them on the housing market etc. Both of us came from really impoverished backgrounds and didn’t want that for our children. We wanted to give our children a really great start in life and we couldn’t have done that having a lot of children.

I wanted to be able to give our children attention and not live in the rabble that I lived in, no help with homework, constant chaos, sharing a bedroom with 4 other siblings, limited food, hand me down clothes and shoes for example. I wanted our children to have new shoes and clothes, experience life and have a better life than I did. DH wanted the children to choose their hobbies, have the privilege of having driving lessons paid for them and cars/insurance paid.

We had 3 children, it was a team effort between DH and I. Previous generations fell pregnant and had absolutely no thought to the future of their children in our experience. Our parents were the low end of working class though. We wanted to set a better example to our children.

Mothers little helpers and cocaine in the Coca-Cola. Must have been wild back then.

I hear you. My gran had 9 kids ending with my dad in 1945. So basically 8 kids before and throughout a war with a husband away in the navy. With one of the coldest winters on record, no car, supermarkets, washing machines, dishwashers.
She also had twins at the beginning of the war. I mean imagine already having 5 kids and then TWINS....
All of them did well and had good interesting lives so Gran did a fab job. Both grandparents lived until late 80's so they were fit and healthy.

I'm on my knees with one and have many unhealthy habits that will probably see me off.

I'm in my early 60's and when I was kid it was completely normal for the older children in the family to help care for the younger ones. In larger families the oldest had a lot of responsibility - housework, childcare etc.

Mothers tended to be younger, grandmothers were often just in their 40's so there was more help there.

I was the youngest by years, and I know my sister resented how much responsibility she had and how much childcare she provided. Totally different world, really.