Not from a background where planning life's standard. Had children horribly young, inherited step children from their father, and later partially from the wife after me, and then a surprise one just after getting the rest to adults.
We've shrunk and grown more than once. Max was eleven to take care of. Averages out as LP to seven most of the time for earlier batch.
Parenting expectations and expectations for women, from without and within have really, really, changed over time. Some for the better, some for worse.
My childhood was problematic, not all of us survived, my siblings bar one got shipped to AUS, and as a girlhad looked after my dying mother, then transitioned into motherhood all while still well underage, with 'ideas well above my station' over my kids and step kids, for the era and my place in society.
Legal guardian transitioned into Husband. His role was head of household, to be looked after when not in the pub or snooker hall, or Mil's. Stopped working, because he'd "got himself a little wifey to take care of things." Was seen as smart and successful locally. Don't know what else he did, but had methods of funding himself beyond what he took of me and family allowance. My role in life was domestic, step kids and kids futures expected to be pretty similar.
No white goods, they weren't around our childhood so why did I need them? Who did I think I was? Lazy mare! Later decided I should be bringing in a wage by now.
At first mainly p/t jobs where I could take younger ones with me. Wage packet handed over sealed, to be doled back some of it as housekeeping. Expected.
Littlelies got given things to play with, sung too, toddler I spy etc, with me while I worked, trying to keep them simultaneously entertained, step kids at school.
Childcare was local woman's front room with loads of cots full of crying babies. I'd dared to refuse it. Mil raged at my snobbishness. Exh ok as it saved costs.
Step kids expected to walk themselves to and from school, while I worked with small ones in tow, usually pregnant, activities for SC's was going to friends houses, while I was back home taking care of endless washing, cooking, cleaning, littlies, and whatever came back from schools, as best I could. But clean, fed, watered, not fighting, was tbh considered parenting. They did talk to me about problems, but seen as being close to them in age, and me shirking.
Exh unhappy I might meet men at work, so MIL got me on nights in a bakery where it was mainly women who'd report back to her. So now I'd have to feed everyone, clean up, sort school stuff, then take and settle all littlies at hers for the night, before going to now full time work. (some free bread and cakes though)
Collect in the morning, sort step kids out and and keep going with domestics, until he went out, when it was playpen and sleep for all of us. Life was basic for all of us and I was pregnant and struggling most of the time.
Why I couldn't look better was a frequent topic from his mum and him. The neighbors were talking... Of course my failures would cause him to 'stray.'
There absolutely was pressure over how you looked, including covering bruising.
To walk around making no attempt to cover it was inviting others to judge. Scream quietly, the neighbors will hear, was a thing.
I eventually did the unthinkable and after talking to my step kids, we ran away, and I raised them in squats often without things like hot water on tap etc.
I already did everything manually, so the main difference was creating hot water.
Every move (many) required huge amounts of scrubbing out and making OK.
I was a bit obsessional about hygiene and standards, I never wanted them to be or feel like I had as a kid. TBH they were rather less bothered!
Washed, hair done daily, clean shirts and underwear daily, clean tights every two days generally, uniform skirts and trousers and ties sponged if needed but otherwise washed every weekend, along with bed linen.. Most I hand washed, but tried to get bedding into the launderette to dry in winter.
I shudder at some threads on here, but they'd shudder at me.
Our lives and relationships changed dramatically, and mainly for the better.
As a mum it was actually very tough going, but it just was life. But I was now free to focus on them and their development and future, as well as the basics.
I got them into schools, and library membership everywhere. I tried to present everything as an adventure, and generally it worked. I tried to protect them from many of the realities, always gone before eviction day, new place cleaned before they saw it, and little things like taking sunflowers they were growing, with us.
I didn't really know what I was doing, but I'd started to see parenting differently.
Never worried about keeping fit or dieting, life did all that. Stopped caring what I looked like as long as it was clean. Their lives and future had become the goal.
We found opportunities and they started to be able to do things outside school like swimming and acting. I took any work I could while they were in school, and in the evenings homework got done, quite a lot of activities and I did a lot of sewing, both domestic and piece work. Older ones often did a bit of my piece work to get cash for themselves. Weekends we did all sorts of stuff as a family depending on who had what going on, and what could be pulled together, but the endless mending even came to the beach with the picnic and sand stuff.
They grew up knowing what wasn't their problem to worry about and what was.
They had a fair few rules including family meals, but also some unusual freedoms. But they had to tell me where they were at all times, which was less permissive than many at the time. They were expected to do chores but looking after each other was when we were on the move only, and part of moving. Opening up opportunities to prevent crap cycles repeating was well embedded.
I was, probably still am on here, judged to high hell and back.
Expected to dump my step kids to get a council house and a crap mother to not prioritize 'your own'.
Expectations for me to date and 'find a man to take you on,' but apart from the logistics, I could see how that generally worked out... but considered failing the kids for not trying to provide a 'man in their life.'
The idea that I should have some sort of life of my own other than finding a partner, absolutely wasn't a pressure though. That was supposed to be after all your kids had grown up. (I unintentionally did and committed to another couple of decades of parenting, but it's another chapter, era, and expectations.)