Found out my husband is using a chat porn site

He is tranferring his guilt into anger at you because you caught him both doing something he purported to hate, then lying about it.
Now that you know, he isn't going to stop, he'll either be more furtive, or he'll do it in front of you because 'you know, anyway'
I'd be a bit concerned about the visits to you sil. The ow always makes theman feel good about himself and dissatisfied with his current lot.
Sorry to be so harsh, but...

Porn use is pretty normal among most people, especially men, but also women. Masturbation is perfectly normal and using things that make that easier/more enjoyable is common, it's no different to a sex toy imo or, if it's the corruption that bothers you, a Hollywood film. The whole film and tv industry is built on exploiting and abusing women and children it seems.

Chaturbate is a regular pop up from porn hub, it doesn't necessarily mean he's actually using that specific site. But interacting with other people is where the line is drawn for us, you can watch videos, but you can't engage in sexual activity, even online, with another person.

I find it really strange you have an issue with him seeing his family member, and it does smack more of you being controlling than him being unfaithful. I'd be incredibly insulted and angry if DP accused me of shagging my sisters partner.

No! She shouldn't let him "record you have sex/sending him some raunchy snaps"! She already doesn't trust him. How can she trust him to keep those snaps private or use them against her in some way? Terrible idea.

@Mumoftwinsandasingleton

All men look at porn . It's just looking .

What do you think of the partners behaviour?

I can see it from both sides. If it is important to her, she feels betrayed.

But then, you cannot spy on someone all the time. Firstly because it doesn't work. And it is unrealistic to think opinions never change, or that he'll never look.

In the OP it says 'we are against sex trafficking' - no, no, no, you as an individual are against it. He's his own person, unfortunately.

The only way to guarantee your partner never ever looks at any kind of sexual content is to be single, because anyone can browse google on the loo.

@MightyGoldBear
All of this is from the OP’s initial post on this thread:
I noticed during an argument a few months back that he didn't seem as hateful of porn. I asked outright if he watched and he basically said I was stupid to even consider it. I was typing in Facebook on his phone and noticed "fap" came up as a suggestion from his search history.

He got up to check his phone and I knew he was making sure to delete all of his history. I went on his phone later on and all searches were gone.

He's been contrite and sweet ever since. He has no idea that I know, but I can see the guilt all over him.

From his search history, he viewed porn that very same evening.

Plus the insane jealousy over the sister in law.

What healthy relationship includes regular phone checking and guilt tripping, and trying to control who the parent socialise with (within the family)?

What bit feels controlling to you?

I can accept different opinions and boundaries, but there is a controlling element to the OP which I find quite uncomfortable.

It is perfectly acceptable and healthy to uphold boundaries that feel authentic to the OP and her relationship.

Just because they differ to your own personal values and boundaries doesn't mean they don't deserve respect.

OP s partner is welcome to continue using pornography but op is stating she will not continue a relationship with him because it goes against her values. She is very valid in that choice. He is choosing pornography over a real life partner he always knew where she stood on the matter.

He used to watch it when we were first got together. He chose (without my opinion) to stop watching it

Yeah, of course he did 👀

All you've ensured OP is that he'll be far better at covering his tracks in future.

So leaking semen and wet dreams would still happen through arousal. Leaking semen is to lubricate in preparation for sex/masturbation wet dreams would occur from arousing dreams. Neither of these have to happen although erections are all part of a healthy body with good blood flow/age permitting and naturally occur throughout the night.

The body actually re absorbs the sperm it never has to actually leave the testicles. Obviously for reproduction is the one purpose of ejaculation. Women are actually the ones who have anatomy designed purely for pleasure no other purpose - the clitorus.

It is purely society that has peddled this myth that men need to masturbate and orgasm at such a higher level than women. That without this it would be such a detriment to them.There are some studies to suggest regular ejaculation can help in lowering chances of prostate cancer. The same way there have been studies to show eating less red meat can lower chances of cancer. Its about living a holistically healthy balanced life.

Plenty of monks who have taken a vowel of celibacy/no masturbation live long healthy lives. It's not about condemning masturbation it can absolutely be healthy but society has peddled a very unhealthy and incorrect information on what is a healthy amount and the importance it plays.

Lots of people still believe blue balls is a real thing. That men have too much testosterone that means they cannot be held accountable for their actions. They can't be expected to have no sexual restraint or discipline. It's a mindset and entitlement that needs to change. It's very dangerous. And does inform the whole boys will be boys attitude where we excuse men and boys whilst blaming women.

An ex of mine had an account on that website. Be mindful that they can spend real life money for "tokens" or whatever they're called to send to the cam girls to perform specific acts. Hard to tell now if he's deleted history but I'd be wondering if your husband had an account on there and if he did what his purchase history was.

Why do men naturally leak semen or have wet dreams in their sleep if they haven't had sex or masturbated in a long time if no man has to ejaculate ever? Why is nature making it happen naturally if it's completely unnecessary?

It may be just me but I always wonder if people may have unrealistic expectations in a partner where occasionally looking at porn is concerned. Also believe that we can't realistically expect other people to have the same boundaries as us and never ever deviate from them ever, because even people with shared values are only human. My DP is only human. In isolation It just wouldn't shock or suprise me if I discovered he looked at porn a few months ago.

Thank you! I always say this but get told I’m wrong, that men are more visual. The home decorating analogy will really help me articulate my point in the future.
Entitlement guised as biological needs!

He sounds disgusting. I'd be much more worried about his shady behaviour around SIL (messaging you about them being mistaken for a couple) than anything else, but none of it's good. Definitely wouldn't believe him regarding his stated distaste for porn, after this.

Wow your updates paint a very grim picture. He sounds sleazy and horrible. I wouldn't be up for sex with him either, he just sees you as a hole to entertain him, he clearly has no respect for you (or women generally).

You can do better. Much better. Even just on your own, life would be much nicer.

He sounds more and more sleazy the more your revealing, and tbh Id find it very suspicious that he's always hanging around SIL when she just happens to be there on her own

OP says she opposes porn ethically

Only she can decide if it's unforgivable enough to warrant divorce. I really think it's a battle to police your partners porn use.

If you don't even know, and have to coax them and search on devices - then presumably it's not affecting life that much.

Is it worth splitting up? The next 10 men you date will probably look at some type of explicit content at some point in their life.