Best way to intervene when you see a parent not being very nice to their child

You are again spectacularly missing the point. And rewriting the script. You asked how I'd react to a man fighting with a woman and now say this isn't relevant. The OP described a mother 'speaking harshly' to her children, nothing physical. What precise adult male and female scenario was in your mind when you compared the situations you say are no longer comparable?

The aim of intervention is to cool the situation so that the children are no longer in jeopardy. I'd intervene with sympathy for the mother in order to create a better situation for the child who is vulnerable. I would show kindness to the mother as a strategy for calming her down, so she doesn't increase the hostility.

I did report her to the leisure centre staff and they did nothing, so I reported the staff and asked for them to receive safeguarding training

Well done! Safeguarding children is all of our business and that is the first rule of any safeguarding training.

This is such a hard question and it’s happened twice. The first time we were in Legoland and a mum slapped her daughter across the face and I was so shocked that I just shouted at my DH ‘OMG she just slapped her in the face’ and she hurried off.

I thought about it for years and always felt I should have done more. Then about a month ago, at my DS’s swimming lessons a boy about 7 was crying about going in the pool. His mother went wild at him. They were in a cubicle but I could hear absolutely everything as she was screaming her head off.

I heard her slap him and him scream, she was threatening him to take him to the ‘naughty boys home’. She was calling him horrible names too and in the end he was begging to go in the pool but she had flipped so hard she had lost control of herself.

I phoned my DH in a panic and asked him what to do. He said I should report it (I live in Wales where smacking is illegal) and as I went to do this, she came out of the cubicle so I meekly said ‘oh he doesn’t want to go in this week does he’ and the mother used it as an opportunity to shout at him more before dragging him out of the building with no shoes or socks and still in his swimming pants.

I hate her and every week I look out for her and dream about screaming in her face, slapping her and dragging her across a tarmac car park.

I did report her to the leisure centre staff and they did nothing, so I reported the staff and asked for them to receive safeguarding training.

Quite possibly. But I don't think had I spoken up the first time it would have made any difference, other than that me and my dog may have been hurt. I was not going to confront an aggressive man holding a tennis racquet.

Honestly I would stay out of it.

Either the parent is abusive in which case you will have made it worse for the kids because the kids will have it taken out on them.

Or the parent is for some reason very stressed, maybe pushed to their limits and is probably already ashamed of their behaviour and will be upset with themselves once they have calmed down and you coming along telling them off for yelling or saying something harsh is only going to make them even more stressed. In which case all you have achieved is kicking someone when they are down.

But as a poster on here has said, someone challenging her mother made her realise that there was something wrong - that the way she was being treated was unacceptable. That can be life changing for abused children.

My best advice if you care about those children, is say nothing. You will not teach the parent, inspire them or shame them into change. What you will do is anger them and make them defensive. And who do you think is liable to take the brunt of that for 'showing them up' when you've gone on your merry way? If you see violence, intervene. If you see reportable abuse, report it. But otherwise, don't risk making things worse for those children. Look into the causes of poor parenting and donate to causes trying to address it if you want to make a difference.

The ban cannot come soon enough.

Sorry, I’ve posted before seeing this update.
Yes, in this situation it’s ok to intervene and point out to this Mum that HER behaviour is out of order.

It depend on which country you were in.

It's not against the law in England or NI as far as I know?

Recently, there was me and my dc both climbing on a frame, and just other mum with two children (5 and younger, I'd say) in the same playground. They weren't very near us but being the only other people there I was quite aware of them.

So her older child climbed down a tube type slide and started crying very loudly. I think she went upside down or similar and hurt herself. The mum started shouting and slapped her and then shouted some more. Then dragged them both out of the park. I was too shocked to react.

I think @Newgirls suggestion is actually quite effective. But obviously won't always work.

Were not talking about adults 'rowing'. Were talking about a situation where you're concerned for the safety of someone, just like OP was concerned for the children she saw today. In both scenarios the reason for the concern is because of the words and actions of someone bigger and stronger than them and of whom they're clearly afraid.

I'm genuinely confused as to why you'd seem to have sympathy for the aggressor in one scenario but not the other. People would be rightly appalled if you victim blamed a woman but its fine when it's a child? They must have done something to provoke the poor stressed out parent who can't possibly be expected to control their own emotions or temper?

This^
very wise approach. You don’t know what’s going on and sometimes harsh words are the only way to stop behavior immediately (depends on level of harshness of course) and the airport situation is not the one for long and slow parenting approaches.

Wow. What a shitty attitude this is.

My DH stepped in once when a kid next to us was picking up fists full of gravel and throwing it at other kids in the playground the parents we were nowhere to be seen until my DH stood up and told him to stop and say "don't do that, you'll hurt someone" "put it down"

Next thing we had the most massive 6ft muscled man hurling abuse at my DH and we had to make a hasty exit.

So for me never again!

I heard a nasty piece of work recently tell his son he wasn't listening at all until he spoke in his 6 year old voice and if he continued to mutter he would take him straight back to mums house.

I was guessing the Disney dad day had worn off a bit, the guy after telling him off just stayed at his phone the whole meal.

Yes this. Our attitude to safeguarding children in the UK is really poor.

Someone once screeched at my mother outside a supermarket ‘You shouldn’t have HAD kids if you can’t fucking handle them!!’

She beat the shit out of me and my brother when we got home.

Theres always a risk getting involved (to you and to them) but honestly, it was one of the factors in me learning that how we were living was not actually normal which helped me greatly in other ways.

The ‘are you ok’ approach seems reasonable. It might just be a bad day for them, but it isn’t always that.

Both have equal basic human rights, completely unequal responsibilities. And of course a child, being a child, has the right to scream blue murder, but an adult doesn't. The adult has all the physical power and control over whether to nurture or neglect - and of course that should never be abused. But if you can;t see the difference between two adults rowing and a mother losing her cool with children then you're not engaging your brain. They are not comparable situations. Seriously I am not going to keep discussing this with a straw man arguer who can't think before they react.

I'm not surprised, you were lucky you just got a mouthful!

A few years ago I saw a dad being a really competitive and critical dad at the tennis courts with his son he was coaching - he just sounded a complete dick and it made me feel quite upset for the kid. I couldn't help overhearing as he was so loud and I was just walking my dog past.

A few days ago I saw the same pair playing tennis, again the dad being hypercritical. The son is now a teenager. He gave his dad an absolute verbal tirade in return and told his dad to STFU and to stop being a dick, among other things. So the dad is still a dick but at least his son sees it!

I think you need to mind your own beeswax. Shouting at whining kis in an airport is not breaking any laws.