Best way to intervene when you see a parent not being very nice to their child

Oh sorry I didn't realise you were there too and saw everything with your own eyes.

When you report something like this you never know that it might be the final piece of the jigsaw needed to get that kid to safety. I know I'm like a broken record now so I'll stop but if anyone is ever in doubt, just ring the police. You won't regret ringing, you're not wasting their time and you never know what a difference you might be making for that child.

I reported my neighbour to ss for screaming at his kid and I could Hear him through the wall. The kid is 5. My report was the last in the series of issues and he's had custody removed

Oh Motherland that’s so horrifically awful , hope you’re doing ok now. Hugs to you and the little girl you were.

I say not judgemental because you are only seeing a tiny snapshot of their parenting, maybe they have just had devastating news and acting very out of character. I agree though that I should have worded my post better, if it becomes clear after starting the conversation that this isn't out of character then yes I'd judge them then and I likely wouldn't hold back in informing them of my opinion. Also if they are being physically abusive that would also change my reaction. I'd based my original reply on witnessing verbal abuse as even the best of us can sometimes lose our cool when the kids are being whiny and tell them to shut up

I was the child 40 years ago everyone around me knew I was being mistreated I asked for helpl constantly family teachers I even rang childline once
she bit me once left a mark showed a teacher still nothing done I was around 5 then x

I've done this too when I saw a parent being downright mean to a little girl who wasn't doing anything wrong. I read somewhere that asking the parent if they are okay is the best thing to do. It's not confrontational but it clearly signals to the child that you, and therefore perhaps other/most people, don't think the parent's behaviour is normal or acceptable.

Was it? The mum in the OP was calling her child a fucking idiot and I think then hit them on the plane.

in your story someone was manhandled into the buggy (standard procedure on most days out) and a voice was raised and you are making a pretty bold assumption she MIGHT have hit her children if you weren’t there. Which is a big claim.

Why isn't being judgemental ok? If you see someone being verbally or physically abusive to anyone BE JUDGMENTAL. That's what your conscience is for. That's what laws are for. That's what protections and services are there for.

Anyone abusing their power to harm someone else deserves to be judged and parents don't get some kind of exemption from the rules on acceptable treatment of other people.

I lost my temper with two of my kids today. We were walking home, and they wouldn't stop fighting.

I was trying to get home as quickly as possible, as their autistic brother had very obviously had enough and was getting cross, but they were dragging their feet, picking at each other, screeching and telling tales. I told them umpteen times nicely that we needed to get home and to leave each other alone.

Then their brother started trying to eat random plants (we were on a foot path with tall grasses and wildflowers either side) that I had to wrestle off him, and they were still bickering and fighting and telling me who did what, and I lost it and gave them a loud bollocking about how I needed to concentrate on their brother not eating things and they needed to get along or ignore each other and stop distracting me, because I'd had enough of it.

My finest parenting moment? No, I felt like shit seconds later. But I had really had it at that point. The worst punishment that happens in our house is removal of a device or pocket money.

I said something to a mum on holiday abroad who was screaming at her young child, little girl aged 5 or 6 , on and on
she went , this is why we can’t take you anywhere , you don't deserve to go somewhere nice you don’t deserve anything , your this , that, really horrible stuff on and on the little girl was crying and cowed down on a seat next to me on a ferry. People were looking but no one said anything.
I could only listen for so long very hard to see this child being verbally abused so I’d heard enough and rounded on her. There was another woman with them who looked mortified to be fair but did nothing or said nothing so I said something to her too, she did look like she agreed with me but had let it go on . The mother did shout at me but for me the red mist had descended and so I stood my ground just repeated what I thought I hope the other lady spoke to her later about her behaviour or intervened in that child’s life Poor wee soul. Maybe it’s my Scottish upbringing but I couldn't let it carry on, I hate child cruelty.

Before I found out what was wrong, the woman's behaviour was as bad as that described in the OP... So I shared my experience of stepping in. Or are we only sharing stories where the mum is being a bitch and deserves to be shamed?

Gosh I wish I had not opened this thread. Some of these stories are heartbreaking

Through my job I've made lots of safeguarding concerns when they've been disclosed by a parent or child.

I have seen parents being very verbally and emotionally abusive towards their dc when I've been out in public (park or street). I haven't stepped in because (ashamedly) I've thought I would make it worse for the child and the parent could turn on me when I had my own dc with me.

I did report to a security guard in a shop once when a parent was being aggressive and then stood back and let him deal with it.

I think whilst you should be very aware that you are only seeing a tiny snapshot and have no idea what a parent is going through I do feel there are times when it's wrong to look the other way. Being judgemental is not OK but intervening is necessary at times and a conversation along the lines of are you OK is a good way to go about it. If you don't have your children with you a simple I remember how tough it was when my child was that age is a good way to let them know you are also a parent and that you are not judging but subtly highlighting that their behaviour is not OK to the point that you a random stranger have started a conversation with him/her. How the conversation goes from there then depends on their reaction but at least you/the children will know you tried

This is not even remotely similar to some of the examples on the thread.

I did it once - to a friend - I couldn’t sit back and see the way she treated her kids and I told her so - she was very overwhelmed and stressed but she went way over the top, not for the first time! We remained ‘friendly’ afterwards but it wasn’t the same. I don’t regret it for a minute!

Sometimes it really is the best thing just to ring the Police, and explain what is happening. They can look into the situation properly.

I was at the zoo with my DD when a woman nearby started really shouting at her toddler and manhandling him back in a double pram (also had a tiny baby). He wouldn't stop running away from her and was kicking off that she was trying to contain him in the pram. I did think she was on the verge of hitting him. I went over, didn't ask if she was ok (she clearly wasn't), but did say "let's go and get a coffee" and steered her towards the coffee kiosk.

Turns out she had 5 kids, between 7 and 4 weeks old. Her husband had left her a month earlier before the baby was born and she hadn't seen or heard from him since. This was the first time she had left the house with the kids and was trying to do something to cheer them all up. The kids had all decided to go feral on her on that day (I hadn't seen the older 3 at first because they were all off running in different directions). We had a coffee. I bought the kids an ice cream. I said it was probably because they were stressed and overwhelmed too. It didn't mean they hated her. She wasn't a shit mum. She was at breaking point. We walked around the zoo together for an hour or two before I had to leave to pick up my older DC.

I often think about her and hope she is ok. I'm glad I stepped in and I'm glad I didn't go in all judgy and telling her off.

I once saw a dad being abusive to his wife and child in town. The child looked terrified and ran ahead of the parents, the wife said nothing and looked down at the ground. I caught up with the child and as I passed him, I told him the way his dad just treated him was not ok and to please tell his teachers. I hope he did. I wanted to intervene but the dad was terrifying and I didn't want to make it worse for the boy.

Well done and also know that had you rung the police they would have taken you seriously and been similarly critical of the leisure centre approach to safeguarding. I think sometimes people don't think the police will have the time or inclination to take these calls seriously so dont bother but they have officers dedicated to this stuff and rely on calls like these and people like you who bother to do the right thing.

Well it’s illegal to smack your kids so totally reasonable to intervene.

Similar to an early poster, I tend to say: “Is everything ok?” I don’t say: “Are you ok” due to the possibility of someone taking offence at me insinuating there is something wrong with them specifically.

The apologists for child abuse on this thread are really turning my stomach. I hope that the decent people on here carry on challenging and looking out for children.
I have to leave the thread as I am finding it rather distressing for various reasons.

The OP described a mother 'speaking harshly' to her children, nothing physical.

You obviously didn't read the thread properly. The parent hit the children on the plane.