Best way to intervene when you see a parent not being very nice to their child

But you could have called the police yourself and you didn't??

I'd say the best way if you don't want people to stick their bloody noses into your life then treat your children decently and don't make people feel that they have to.

Does that include every instance where a child is being abused? Either physically or verbally? You'd keep your bloody nose out if a child was being seriously verbally abused?

Some of these responses are so sad. I would always report it if I was concerned about the safety of a child. I agree maybe saying something to the parent will escalate the situation or they may take it out on the children... But to just ignore and not pass any judgement as the poor Mum might be having a bad day is ridiculous!

I wonder how many times people saw children like Archie Labinjo Hughes being shouted out and verbally abused and did nothing.

IO would find the "Are you OK" very patronising. It's not a good approach but I bet it makes some people feel really good about themselves.

The best way is not to stick oyur bloody nose in some people's lives Id say.

Yes, I saw you were as unhappy as I was!

You are guaranteed to escalate it. They either A) know they've lost control and and will be embarrassed, and probably lash out at you, or B) not give a crap and lash out at you. U less you think k there is reportable abuse, there is no way to approach it.

My friend looked after a boy because the neighbours seemed unable to. He would arrive for breakfast, go to school with her sons. Have tea with them. She'd buy/pass down school uniform. She'd wash his clothes, he'd have a shower at their house. It was all very low key but kept his chaotic home life at bay for a few hours a day. They're all men now and very close friends.

Not sure that it was enough to involve social services, because the parents weren't bad just disorganized.

My mum was abusive, if someone had said something to her to it would have been dragged out and used against us for years. It would have been horrendous if someone had confronted her

Unfortunately there is a lot of behaviour that falls under the levels (in the UK) for social services to intervene and saying something will make it worse

I know this doesn't apply to your situation OP because you don't know the family, but the adults who helped me the most when I was a child were some of my friends parents who could tell I was unhappy and would invite me over for sleepovers etc very regularly and would give me the kind of care and attention I didn't get at home. They are the people who taught me what good families, good parenting and good relationships looked like which I might have otherwise missed.

I wonder why the law on this is different in different parts of the UK. Doesn’t seem to make sense.

You don't know what devolution is, I guess.

RTFT

Totally agree - I hope you can see I am quoting the poster and it’s not a word I would ever use myself!

Using the word 'vile' when referring to children concerns me too.

you are seeing a tiny snapshot of their day and you don’t know the circumstances so mind your business.

My goodness! This thread has made me feel sick.
It's beyond heartbreaking hearing all this. All these poor children being abused by the people who should love and care for them the most.
It's so difficult to know what to do for the best.

An incident that sticks in my mind was when I saw a man purposely push his son (around 6/7) head into a glass window. The boy cried and the mum asked what had happened. The dad shrugged but the boy told her what had just happened. I was going to say something but the mum was already having a go at the dad. I like to think that she would stick up for her children and get rid of their sorry excuse of a dad.

But some of these post on here are really hard to read.

This exactly

@countrysidelife2024 sadly I have never heard of a case where children got removed because something horrible was said. I'm talking about removed because I believe this would be the only way for the child to not experience this emotional abuse. The parent would need a long time of therapy to even see their behaviour, let alone change it. A slap on the wrist by the authorities won't do anything. It will just mean the parent takes extra care in public but will continue at home.

If a child is removed it doesn't necessarily mean they will live a better life.

It was absolutely right for your to report it, but unless physical neglect or abuse is discovered as part of an investigation nothing will happen. There is no capacity as this behaviour is rife!

I used to be all optimistic, possibly naive, that such kids should and could be saved until I developed an understanding as to how it comes to this, what generational trauma is, how many people suffer from mental illness because of their upbringing and I understood why many children do not receive support unless their physical wellbeing is in danger. I realised it's simply not possible the way the system is set up.

This is also why school or other people can be such an important part in these children's lives because they can be treated well there, receive validation etc.

It's very sad.

Honestly, this is a confusing thread. The original post just says the mother spoke quite harshly to her children. It’s not until the fifth update that it’s mentioned that she actually swore at them and hit them. There’s quite a difference between the two. I think a lot of posters are just responding to the ‘spoke quite harshly’ bit.

OP I understand how u feel as I’ve seen similar. Two parents threatening and scolding and threatening their well behaved little girl for standing on her scooter for 30 minutes whilst she cried! A homeless man came by and said don’t be so mean to your sweet child and they ignored him. I didn’t know what to do and it haunts me to this day. I didn’t feel like there was anything I could say as they weren’t physically abusing their kid but in hindsight I think it’s good for kids to see that their parents behavior is unreasonable. When you’re a child you think your parents are always right and tend to blame yourself - stepping in might help them see that the issue isn’t necessarily them. I also once saw a mother shouting at her kids and kicking their toys at Hyde park and someone did step in and told her to grow up.

it depends, I once heard a mum say to a 4 year old boy outside school" what have i told you about making sure you get to the toilet in time?? now you've pissed your pants in school you little shit, ill rub your face in it when we get home. Disgusting boy!" I burst into tears and told the school, they said they would contact the appropriate authorities.

I have always wondered what happened

This makes me so sad. But what a lovely thing you did. I'm sure that litte boy will carry it with him.

@amijustbeingsuspicious alright. Good luck should you ever be in the situation.

There is another thread running here about a toddler hitting his baby sister and the grandmother telling the toddler she would show him what it feels like. Most are telling the OP, the mother of the children, she's unreasonable in having a problem with the grandmothers reaction.

Mumsnet is such a weird place.