I think mum threatened toddler, she doesn't, AIBU?

You seem remarkably casual about the fact that your toddler is hitting your baby.

Our parents generation were more direct like this- my mum would say something like this. I guess it didn’t do us any harm! If child does something pretty naughty a strong “how would you like it” makes them think twice. Guess we do pussy foot a bit these days. I’m not sure which approach is best but I don’t think either is harmful. Obviously a lot of that generation did actual smacking the child which I do not agree with- but again- I was smacked if I did anything really naughty.

Yes, another terribly passive mother.

So you could hear your toddler hitting your baby and you did absolutely nothing about it. But your mother did intervene and you don’t like how she handled it?

How about you parent your own toddler instead of racing to mumsnet to complain about your own mother.

YABU

Your mother didn’t make a threat - she made a promise. In future you need to deal with this before CPS becomes involved. Your baby can’t defend itself.

@Originalusername89 please don't ignore your gut feel. You said yourself the relationship with your mother is difficult and why that is. Do you want your kids to be treated the way you were treated!?

‘we are working on it, it's improved, and we always physically separate them if this happens, it's not ok to hit etc etc’

Op is clearly doing what she can to stop her toddler from harming her baby, no need to be stunned.

No need to be massively patronising when the op has just agreed with you…

If the toddler hit the baby once, it should have been once and only once and never happened again.

Whatever you're "working on" you need to work harder. Giving your toddler a fright to make them reconsider ever hitting the baby again isn't a bad thing. The softly softly "we're working on it" is BS to be honest.

Your toddler should never have been in a position to hit a tiny infant after that first time. You need to be firmer. Louder, and more stern. Let the toddler know it is not an option. Otherwise they couldn't careless, because nothing happens and they enjoy hitting the new little plaything.

@Originalusername89 On addition to taking onboard what people have said you may also want to apologise to your mum for completely overreacting and accusing her of threatening your child.

Replace I with a , et viola ;)

@Lampslights that feeling is mutual.

Your second paragraph is totally incoherent, no idea what you're saying.

sometimes you read stuff on here and can’t actually believe anyone could actually think like this.

"Working on it" isn't good enough.
A toddler can potentially inflict life altering injuries on a baby, and aside from anything be causing them pain. It shouldn't be happening on a regular basis. You need to be firmer and protect the baby.

Nothing wrong with that comment! Your definitely being unreasonable

@showerjelly the grandmother could have very firmly told him NO instead of threatening him. They are two different things.

Parents who think I threat for physical harm equals a NO disgust me.

@Happyddays no, the baby's physical safety and the toddlers emotional safety are equally important.

This was abusive. It was a threat, not a consequence. The toddler cannot tell if grandma was serious and what she said to him is intimidating. It would be for an adult so why wouldn't it be for a child!!!!!

A consequence would have been 'you aren't allowed to stroke her head again if you hit her'.

I'm just appalled at the outcome of your poll OP. Please don't change your view. You saw it as a threat, which is all that counts. You don't need your mother's validation in order to believe this. She's supposed to respect your boundaries even if she doesn't agree.

Goodness me🤣 no contact for a threat that wasn’t a threat?! What should she have done, let the toddler carrying on hitting the baby?

This. OP you can’t be allowing your toddler to hit a baby for goodness sake, you need to be there to intervene before the hitting starts. If you don’t clamp down hard on this behaviour now I dread to think what the future looks like for this child.

I think YABU. Your mum said what many others would’ve. It seems like you might be looking to fall out with your mum.

So you didn't stop what you were doing when baby cried and you didn't stop what you were doing when your toddler hit baby but you did stop what you were doing once your toddler was "threatened?"

The maximum number of times your toddler should have hurt your baby is once because you have a responsibility to your baby to make sure they are kept safe from your toddler.

Your toddler's feelings and lack of impulse control are developmentally normal. So is wanting to drink bleach because they like the bright bottle. We hide it out of reach. We don't let them glug it while trying to explain the reasons they shouldn't.

While you are "working on it" they shouldn't be allowed to stroke your baby if you know full well it's likely to turn into hitting. Your baby is not a play thing for your toddler to practice their impulse control on.

I actually like gentle parenting but I feel like a lot of people practising it have missed half the message. I despair at the number of parents I hear telling their young children "it's ok to be angry but not to hit" while standing there getting pummelled by toddler fists and letting it happen.

I wouldn't be happy with it either, even if there was no intent.

Realistically it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks - you are the parent and you decide what you find acceptable. Your mum needs to respect your boundaries

Oh give over, the toddler needs to be told a very firm no!!!

Not "gentle hands" sweetheart

How would the toddler feel if someone twice their size hit them?

Quelle surprise they would t like it?

Now stop tagging me and address the other five people who also think your comment is ludicrous!

Sounds like you follow gentle parenting, it doesn’t really work when a baby is getting hit. Poor kid.

I’m with your mum.