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AIBU?

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To think my view of him is forever changed after this comment?

137 replies

Henry888 · 30/05/2024 12:49

Ex has always paid on time and reasonably fairly for dc, age 2.5. His baseline maintenance is quite high but never covered half of nursery so he paid half after I asked and said I couldn’t afford 1,600 a month myself on top of all DC’s other costs. (No I don’t consider him a hero for doing this but factually he paid it and did the right thing). He doesn’t have dc overnight - his choice.

We recently had an argument about the cost for dc to attend a toddler swim class. He was keen for dc to do this, as was I. I said I would find classes and then told him the cost and asked for half. He got quite nasty and said I was money grabbing and that he already contributes to nursery so that I can go to work. I queried what he meant by that, given that dc is half his… he said he lives with me and he is enabling me to go to work by paying half. I said he lives with me because he, he did, can’t be bothered with caring for his son half the time. He didn’t respond.

I don’t know why this has bothered me so much and I know as a matter of fact it’s neither here nor there as he’s not my partner (thankfully). I feel my view of him is forever changed. I thought he was ok, better than most but actually he’s just a misogynistic pig isn’t he? Am I being dramatic?

OP posts:
Henry888 · 30/05/2024 13:36

Cherry8809 · 30/05/2024 13:34

x2

Just pay for the swimming lessons

@Cherry8809 please see my reply above

OP posts:
Henry888 · 30/05/2024 13:36

FawnFrenchieMum · 30/05/2024 13:31

Going against the grain here, honestly if you’re getting maintenance and half towards childcare then you should probably use that for swimming classes and not ask for more.

@FawnFrenchieMum

no he pays maintenance and a bit extra so that that in total comes to half the childcare bill.

that leaves zero from him for DC’s day to day cost

OP posts:
Cherry8809 · 30/05/2024 13:34

FawnFrenchieMum · 30/05/2024 13:31

Going against the grain here, honestly if you’re getting maintenance and half towards childcare then you should probably use that for swimming classes and not ask for more.

x2

Just pay for the swimming lessons

FawnFrenchieMum · 30/05/2024 13:31

Going against the grain here, honestly if you’re getting maintenance and half towards childcare then you should probably use that for swimming classes and not ask for more.

TeenLifeMum · 30/05/2024 13:29

He’s your ex for a reason. Just eye roll and ignore. Don’t give it any energy.

Henry888 · 30/05/2024 13:28

@Busbusbusbusbus wow what a shitty comment! I have been shocked at things I’ve heard since splitting from DC’s dad

OP posts:
Henry888 · 30/05/2024 13:27

@Graciiee possibly, but I still pay 60% of nursery so anything extra surely should be split.

im just really sad he’s said this as I can’t help but see him as incredibly sexist. I’ve lost all respect, it’s made my skin crawl. I never thought he was like that when we were together.

OP posts:
Foxblue · 30/05/2024 13:26

Yep, a misogynist. I'm sure someone will come along in a minute to tell you that their ex pays £30 a month for 3 kids and you are being grabby though.
You are BOTH paying for childcare so you can BOTH WORK because your child exists 100% of the time, the dick.

Busbusbusbusbus · 30/05/2024 13:03

When i asked my ex for maintenance he said “you don't have kids to get paid for it!” I never asked him gor any money again after that. Personally i wouldnt ask him for extras again sounds like hes already paying quite a lot.

LauderSyme · 30/05/2024 12:57

It's amazing how, when you scratch the surface of many 'modern' men, you find that they think childcare and homemaking are women's work and are all that women are good for really.

Graciiee · 30/05/2024 12:56

If the maintenance he already pays is quite high, is he just annoyed that you're asking for more when maybe what he already pays could be factored in? But yeah the comments about paying for nursery were not the way to bring that up.

palmroyale · 30/05/2024 12:53

He sounds like an arse and it's a good job he is an ex!

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