To think my view of him is forever changed after this comment?

Why the hell did you let your ex get away with that? You just meekly rolled over and let him get away with paying nothing for his own kids, after all he'd done more than enough graciously providing you with the sperm to create them?!

Or am I missing something here?

@GerbilsForever24 it baffles me how op is getting told this crap yet in another thread they'd be baying for his blood. God knows what the cutoff point is 🤷

Ask if he'd prefer doing 50/50, instead.

It will cost him the same- childcare for half the week.

I would have thought he pays maintenance monthly for the agreed amount. If then you book him an activity in your time then you pay…. Be it a day out at a theme park, a present for a party, music class or swimming. Conversely it he books a football class on his day he pays. He doesn’t then dock you half the cost of football from his maintenance.

it’s an agreed amount. Not transactional you can’t submit additional ‘expenses’.

Some of these responses..! Why do too many women set the bar so low with men.

also, let's not forget she also does ALL the childcare when he's not actually at nursery. I mean, possiblt this man takes his ds for an outing now and again, but with no overnights, she's doing all the meal prep, or the bath and bed time routines, all the admin around him. All the night wakings. All the sick days etc etc etc.

The bar for me is so sickingly low.

He only has to pay 15% of his income. Anything above this is a bonus (speaking factually)

As you can see from some of the responses on here, if a man pays the bare minimujm, he's considered a prince. And you are graby if you ask for more.

Morally, you are 100% correct. But sadly, you don't have any room to argue.

yep. And he’s said that he pays that to enable ME to work
It's unlikely to work but you could try responding with, "well, if I didn't work, your DS would not be able to live int he house he lives in or enjoy the life he lives...."

exBIL hasn't paid a cent ever. SIL is, for various reasons, fine with this. But what never ceases to amaze me is that a) he doesn't seem to feel guilty/bad about this and b) she thinks because he's struggled, this is reasonable. it's so odd.

Is this court ordered maintenance?
Several points, if not court ordered you could pretty much just go over his head and get actual maintenance - including childcare taken directly from his wages BUT if he is as awful as he sounds (even just the "doesn't want his own child over night" is incredibly concerning) and he does any research he will find that he can pay NOTHING if he takes the child for slightly less than 50% of the time. Now whilst I personally wouldn't give a fig about losing the money I'd be horribly concerned on him taking the child for over nights 50% of the time - he doesn't seem like he wants the child therefore the chances of him looking after the child to an acceptable standard are low/non existent and the chances of neglect or abuse are actually quite high based on that particular scenario. Research on this issue reveals some horrible length parents (mainly dads not wanting to pay for mums "nails and fake tan or Starbucks" 🙄) have went to, to ensure they keep their cash.

With regards to the opinion you hold of him....he argues the pennies and pounds for a child's existence - your opinion on him is valid - I can guarantee he boasts to those around him about paying you and never mentions these disagreements or comments he makes. 🤡🗑

He won't even have his child over night.
He is pure trash.
His comment supports how severely warped his view of his place in this scenario is.

Fucking mind boggling isn't it🙄

Tell him he pays for childcare to enable him to do as little parenting as possible. If he wants the child to go swimming, let him organise and sort it. Does he have a contact schedule?

It amazes me how many women agree too.

He needs to pay half the childcare bill and half the child costs (including swimming lessons if you both agree in DC going)

I’d turn up Sunday night with ds and a bag and say sweetly I’ll ask the childcare to send you the bank details form, if you’re lucky I’ll contribute to support your going to work. And walk out.

i wouldn’t necessarily leave ds there, they depends on how crap a dad he is and what ds would think.

it's £7 a week through child maintenance and I'm not claiming that it pays for nothing. But I will never ask him for money ever again.

I can never understand why childcare costs don't have to be split as well as someone paying child maintenance. Why should women have to pay the full cost?

So that was job done, for him, wasn't it?

You should go through Child Support and get what you are owed. Nobody should get away without paying for their own child.

So the total amount he pays covers half of the childcare bill. The OP has to cover all the other expenses - you know for food, heating, clothes and toys for their shared child. And now some posters think she should also pay for swimming lessons by herself? On top of all the other expenses she is covering. You actually think she is being unreasonable.

So your ex lives with you?
Or have I got that wrong.

Also does he work too, I assume so, so nursery fees help you both work then. Because a lot of these types of men don't see it like that. They see it as the child/ren live with you. And that if you work it's your job to go to work and rush around dropping and collecting even if it is later because of work hours and childcare hours.
But they see it as their week is their own to get on with work and not their problem lol, this is one of a million of reasons why my ex is my ex too.

And you look after his child to enable him to work.

I think your initial post might have confused some posters. It sounded like he was paying maintenance and half of the childcare fees not that he topped up his maintenance to the equivalent of half the childcare costs.

To build on this you haven’t mentioned your ex financial situation. He’s already down to living off £50 / wk for all we know. Maybe between you there’s not enough for swimming lessons on top. Yes, I support you’ll think it’s a life skill and should be a priority.
But the first question is can we mutually afford it right now.
The second question is how the bill is split.
So I do you you’re presumptive just jumping to the second question and taking issue with the response.

You can ask but he only needs to pay what the cm calculator tells him to.

Seriously can't believe the responses here. Detail all the costs that are needed to cover your DS and ask him for half. Fuck this shit. I don't see why women continually feel like they should be grateful to men who don't even cover half the costs to raise their children. We as a society need to be much more brutal with this crap.

So you pay:-

To house ds
To feed ds
To clothe ds
Every other thing that ds needs or wants at all times
Half the childcare

He pays:-
Half the childcare