To think my view of him is forever changed after this comment?

Collecting nothing from him suggests that you are resigned to the fact that you will never get anything and it is not worth it. At least if you go through CMS it will be reviewed each year so if his circumstances change your children may benefit. Regardless, don't let him off the hook.

Ignore the menz trolls that are drawn to such threads like moths to a flame...

Buy she is paying the housing costs for herself too, the date as her ex is paying hus own housing costs.
So the ex should be paying half the childcare plus half of a 2 Yr olds food an clothing bill which in all honesty won't be much.So half childcare and a little bit might be right depending on how much the 'little bit' is and how much the dad has him.Also do you get the child benefit and any tax credits/UC?

The system is fucked. They pay a %, the mum pays everything else, regardless of the actual cost. It's a biased, sexist system.

You were right OP, hold your ground. There is absolutely nothing wrong in your assumption that he should be paying for half of the actual costs of keeping your child reared satisfactorily. It's not like you're charging him a fee for your effort of doing it!

It is a lot though. I know if I lost £800 a month from my salary I'd notice it!! The OP needs to consider if she kicks back too much he is very much entitled to say he wants to go via CMS for a formal agreement and have money reduced. Don't cut your nose off to spite your face.

So his maintenance payments just about cover half the nursery fee- so that you can go to work. He seems to think going to work is a jolly for you, rather than something you have to do to support your child. Who does he think is going to support the child if you don’t work?

You think £7 a week for 4 kids would "piss someone off" no he finds it hilarious he gets away paying so little! Most men would be laughing if they only had to pay £7 a week. He is earning cash in hand so he is not missing £7

It’s not a lot. It’s not even touching the sides of what the OP has to spend to raise their child, without even considering the mental load that he’s just waltzed away from. What she’s getting is simply less shit than what you’re getting. It’s still shit.

If you handed over your DC to their father for six months, and then told him that you wouldn’t be paying for swimming lessons as you were already doing your bit (as you handed over their £350) so he needn’t think you were paying for him to sit in the pub all afternoon with his mates, he’d be furious. Why are mums expected to accept it and be grateful?

I think we have to move away from this idea that a man is providing for their child because they’re paying what the calculator suggests they should be paying. They’re not. It’s a token payment that lets them feel like they’re doing their bit, because God forbid that they should have to curb their social life or live on Smart Price food for a while so that their child can learn to swim.

And if he doesn’t want to pay for swimming lessons, then why the fuck isn’t he down the local swimming baths with her each week, teaching her to swim himself?

Have you looked into getting help with childcare costs @Henry888 ?
UC may cover some of it depending on your circumstances, this would free up some of the maintenance you get from him.
As for the original question, at least you now know what he thinks and feels. He thinks he's doing you a favour - thank god he's an ex

Yes fair enough. Don't ask directly but leave it to CMS to collect on your behalf. It would likely piss him off every month so that would be an added bonus.

That's not why men do it, men do it because legally they can. If cms had powers and actually used them men would stop getting away with it. £7 a week isn't holding someone accountable. They will laugh at you and how little they get away with.

Absolutely agree with this. Have no idea why this isn't the base level.
I guess because more men would kill their ex-partners/ex-wives and their children, rather than pay up?

This is partly why men do want they do, because women support them and won't even support women who try and get equality when it comes to the cost of raising a child.
So sad.

I didn't say it was I said I wouldn't ask him directly for money again after his comment (I know he is earning on the side which is why I asked) but my mental health is worth more than £7 so will let it go

Personally I'd go through CMS and take that £7 a week. That's not begging.

Yes to all this, PLUS the pension gender gap. Research in Ireland released this week illustrates that women would need to work an additional eight years to match men’s pension pot.

https://www.breakingnews.ie/ireland/women-must-work-eight-extra-years-to-achieve-same-pension-pot-as-men-report-1631657.html

Plus … this will only get worse. Does he not want his child to learn to swim, join clubs, go on school trips, get driving lessons, …?

How many more years of childcare do you need, and does the ex plan to scale back as your DD gets older?

This.

No need to lowest common denominator here. It’s piddling. When you do no overnights , and don’t pay half the costs, and think your child should do swimming but nothing about organising or paying for it is your responsibility, you’re shit.

He didn't pay half the nursery fees and half of all other costs, though, which is the minimum one would expect. Pretty piddling.

So he should get a gold star? Fuck that.

I can't read so many comments suggesting a mother just be grateful for an underwhelming, piddling bit of child support without offering an example of what a good dad looks like, in my ex.

her ex pays a fair sum towards nursery fees which is money she doesn't need to spend from her own income. It's not really a "piddling bit of child support", I'd reserve that term for parents who get nothing/£7pw from their exes.

1. i clearly said I wouldn’t necessarily leave him there overnight? Just because of these comments
2. children usually have their first overnight with dad much earlier than this in separated situations and don’t get traumatised. Leaving him for a night is not necessarily traumatising him, it’s normal life and he is his dad. It’s not ‘abandoned’ ffs, its ’in the range of the minimum contact any court would order with a father’

This made me laugh. Spot on!

Your son would be traumatised by this for life. To be abandoned with a dad he never spends a night with just so you can play "cool ex" on the internet? Don't believe a word of it - no one with their child's best interests at heart would do this.

The attitude to mothers from both men and women's is disappointing. Of course you are not unreasonable to be pissed off with his comments but as you can see here the reality is society thinks you are lucky he pays more then the CMS minimum. Rock the boat and he could pay less so I'd advise don't rock the boat. I have a similar ex pays more than the minimum but not half the cost of the child- everybody I know in real life thinks I'm ungrateful and money grabbing- I'm not even bringing it up but people think it's acceptable to ask single mothers if the dad pays maintenance if you say anything other than 'yes I'm so lucky he is so generous!' People judge. It's like society gaslighting you.