How would you split holiday cost?

If it’s cost you £130 to add her then if you get £500 from your BiL then it does seem like you’re profiting from having her come… specifically by £370. Plus you presumably benefit from having an extra pair of hands to help with your son and also added company of your sis. I would keep it as a present from you - cos let’s face it for £130 it’s an amazing present and I’m sure your sis will be chuffed. Her husband can get her something else. It’s not for you to use this as an oppurtunity to help manage their finances to a fairer division especially because it sounds like that needs to go substantially deeper than £370.

Take her on holiday for her birthday because you love and respect her and use all the time you have there to help her see how controlling her husband is and how she needs to demand more.

The sister isn't paying for it, her husband is, as a gift and she's not been forced to spend anything. We've no reason to believe she won't like the gift either, it's such a strange rationale.

The question is a considerate one from the OP as she recognises the free child place benefits her too so she's happy to pay extra so her sister's husband pay a much reduced amount. I don't see how she can be told she's disingenuous for benefiting from a free child place, when OP's proposal of £500 reduces the cost of each of their holidays significantly.

I think £500 is fair.
Especially as the husband goes abroad without her.

How can money be tight, if her husband regularly goes on holiday without her?

Sounds like it's only the working class who can't afford to go on endless holidays paid for by the tax payer.

Because we're all too busy working to pay for the benefits scroungers to put their feet up and not contribute to society.

I would not ask for $500. I would ask what he plans to contribute and leave it at that. It will all balance out in the end.

OP can you afford to pay for it all? I think it would be a lovely present from you and your child if she has been wanting a holiday for a while and her husband regularly goes alone. You’ve planned and paid so take the credit and be the best sister ever if possible

We don't know if this is a holiday the sister would have chosen or if it's no more than an opportunity that came up because of the price structure . It's a price structure which gives the OP the chance to have another adult to have conversations with.

You don't know if the sister will give hands on childcare but even if she doesn't simply having another adult to talk to is going to make a big difference to OP.

Without that information we don't know if it's a real bargain at £500 or a really not my thing but I'll take a chance at a £130. Obviously I'm not OP's sister. I'd give it a go at £130. I wouldn't pay £500 for it.

She's not asking full adult price, she's asking a modest £500 for an AI holiday abroad that's worth double and again you don't know that her sister can or will help with her child.
The sister isn't paying also but her husband and sister seem to think she'd like to go enough for her DH to want to pay for her to go. You seem to think the OP should pay for his gift.

Also, please understand that spending £1700 on your abroad holiday does not mean £130 is nothing to them. Most people spend on holidays but have to keep tight budgets to do so... Going mid range AI suggests to me she's not rolling in it.

This is like going for a drink at happy hour and your friend expecting your free drink because you'd have spent the same regardless 🤦🏼‍♀️

£500 seems fair, certainly no less.

I’d probably split it by 2.5, so £500 sounds fine.

The OP had £1750 to spend on a holiday for her and her child. She now has, for the sake of £130 extra, an adult companion and someone else to help with the child.

If £130 is make or break for OP she probably shouldn't have been thinking of spending £1750.

"however I'm guessing the op wouldn't take her sister somewhere she wouldn't like"

That's quite an assumption. The OP has said to what extent sister even wanted to go on this holiday. I wouldn't choose this type of holiday.

If it were presented to me as "I'd really like your company to have another grown up to talk to and it only adds a £130 anyway" . I might consider going and offering to pay the £130.

If I were expected to pay the full adult price, there's not a snowball's chance in hell I'd go.

Asking for £130 is being petty? The majority of people in the UK don't have £130 to give away like it's nothing. There are sooo many assumptions here, none of us know all the answers however I'm guessing the op wouldn't take her sister somewhere she wouldn't like. Her sister is getting a great deal and the op is gaining company but also losing half the living space and everyone saying she will get extra childcare that won't be a break for her sister??? What??Where did she say this? Her sister is disabled and doesn't holiday with her husband so actually she may need support herself or may not be able to help with her nephew or she may want to without charge, I don't pay mine to babysit they want to do it. Regardless, the point is that no one knows the ins and outs.

What would you want to pay your sister if you were going on a holiday with her and her child whom the travel company classes as free? I'd want to pay full adult price personally and I'd be so touched if she insisted I pay only half but I wouldn't accept.

I completely agree with this. Anything more than £100 it feels like you are getting the benefit of your sisters birthday present. Tell her dh to give her £500 and she can treat herself on the holiday - maybe she will take you all for a day out or maybe she will spend it all on herself. £500 for a weeks all inclusive may be a good deal but her space is only costing £100 so im not sure why you would charge them £500.

I imagine he probably is expecting it to be a joint present. I think he thinks OP was offering to take sister on holiday as a gift and he said he would put to for her birthday.

I’d be interested to know what gift OP is giving her sister for her birthday. I thought it was taking her on holiday but as they are expecting the £130 cost fully reimbursed, plus £370 of her birthday money, then that is clearly not the gift.

If it was me, I’d just pay the £130 and have the gift of the holiday be just from me and then sister can still get a gift from her husband and he doesn’t get any credit for the holiday that OP arranged.

In your situation I wouldn't charge for my sister BUT I would take that £500 and use it for additional trips and treats so that her day is made really special. Massage on her bday if that's her kind of thing, boat trip, etc. So she is getting £500 worth of treats from her husband and the holiday from you. Sounds as though he does whatever he wants whenever he wants so this would be lovely for her

But he isn't choosing either. The OP chose a holiday for herself and her ds, and the dsis was added on afterwards.

For me, I think a lot depends on how it came about that the dsis would be joining the holiday. If it was the BIL's idea, I agree that he should be willing to cough up a fair amount. It would be unreasonable of him to want to claim credit for sending his dw on holiday if the OP was the one paying for it.

However, if it was the OP's suggestion that the dsis could join her, I don't think she s**hould expect the BIL to be financing her trip - he should pay the additional costs only, which the OP wouldn't have incurred had the dsis not been going.

Just tell him the total cost for 3 and let him decide how much to pay. No need to mention free child places as they aren't really free.

You shouldn’t take any money towards it. It’s costing you effectively the same amount now she’s going which is presumably why you added her.
her husband saying he will pay as a birthday gift is a bit crap because she was going anyway. Just let her have a gift from him. Cash. Whatever. Don’t take it as a contribution towards the trip that would have cost you the same amount anyway. That’s really shitty to do that.

The sister might not have wanted to go on this holiday. I don't think the OP is being generous. She said she was happy to go on her own with her child. That would be £130 cheaper than the holiday with her sister.

I think the OP has a nerve asking for anything more than £130. And asking for £130 is being petty.

Either way, show me an abroad AI holiday in a decent place for less than £500. She's not choosing because it's a surprise from her partner, if he chooses should he pay for the OP??

But perhaps she'd have chosen a different holiday if she was planning it herself!

It sounds like when your sister's husband wants something or to go somewhere, the money is there but nothing is "there" for your sister's wants.

If that IS the case, then he is a twat waffle.

I think 500 is still a great deal for an AI. Does that include the travel costs?

Considering that he said it afterwards I'd just see what he offered and be happy with anything. It wasn't his idea right? And you planned to pay it all?

I agree he should pay. Is he financially abusing your sister?

I'd probably actually put the 500 aside and find ways to treat my sister with it, or give it to her in vouchers for things for herself if he controls the purse strings. As long as she could not let him know and he wouldn't coerse her to handing it over.

If her sister wanted to go on the same all inclusive holiday without her sister and nephew then it'd cost the BIL £900 + single person supplementary fee. The OP is not disingenuous at all, she's actually really generous.

@Dinoswearunderpants I think splitting it 3 way and you paying 2 thirds is more than fair but if you can and want to, pay more? X