To ask how you got confident?

Getting older and more experienced. At work it’s because I am quite passionate about what I do so I’m bothered about doing it right and research things a lot. Socially having kids helped because I had to be confident for them. Oh and when out, a couple of drinks!

Bluntly, I recognised that my mother, who had taught her daughters that shyness is appealing and that the worst thing a girl or woman can be is confident, was wrong. Shyness may make you overlookable, pitiable, or actually irritating to people. It’s not a recipe for a successful work life or good friendships. Understandably, most people would prefer to socialise with and work with someone they don’t have to coax into conversation.

OP, behaviours are done for a reason. It sounds as if keeping your head down in a dysfunctional family kept you safe. Now that survival mechanism is having a negative impact on your adult life. I’d suggest more therapy, not CBT, in order for you to focus on yourself and your childhood scripts and adaptations.

@ExhaustedGoose 😃Well done.

Realised people walked allover me and took advantage. Confidence protects me as I will stick up for myself. Also I reached my 40’s and stopped caring so much about what people think of me.

Pretending. Acting confidently makes people think you are and treat you accordingly. Doing things that push your comfort zone. Keep reading and learning. Be interesting and interested. One step at a time though.

Lost loads of weight, learned how to be funny, took makeup tutorials, have my hair and nails maintained (natural looking), and spent time cultivating outfits that make me feel good. Now I go out knowing I present well, speak well and am generally likeable.

I've overcome severe trauma, sexual abuse and have made my life from nothing. So I'm confident in what I've built because I DID IT. Once you love yourselves, others love you too,

Sorry?

I wouldn't recommend my way of becoming confident to anyone. It involved overcoming a lot of traumatic situations.

In your case, though, it looks like you withdraw into your comfort zone too easily. You can start by setting yourself small challenges. Successfully dealing with those challenges will increase your confidence, in time.

You Can Heal Your Life 💖

My sympathies @Ohnodontwantthiscrush

Do you have any hobbies or skills/ talents. So say you’re a really good knitter or cyclist then join a group. You will meet like minded people, become an expert on something and so always have the confidence that brings and something to talk about.
How old are you? I’ve found I have got more confidence with age and life experience. Seeing others in certain superior positions in life and realising they’re not all that. 😂There’s an element of faking it til you make it. Try to take interest in others to deflect from you. Smile and ask them about themselves. People like people who are interested in them.

Maybe try a different therapist?

Years ago I read Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. I loved it and it set me on a path of self appreciation. I have been working on it ever since with books, courses etc.