To ask how you got confident?

Fake it. Invent a new persona (I did this when I changed jobs). Suddenly I WAS confident.

https://www.awesomebooks.com/book/9780704334205/a-woman-in-your-own-right-assertiveness-and-you/used was a useful book

Getting confident isn't something that just happens. It takes a time and work. For me it took a year of therapy. I also made myself do things that were outside my comfort zone. I joined groups and did a couple of courses. Having that feeling of I achieved something just for myself really helped.

Do you have much of a friend circle? My friends and I always celebrate each other and that helps a lot, you could meet people through a shared activity for example. If you don't have close friends yet, be your own best friend and regularly remind yourself of why you are great. If that's a struggle, could be worth trying a different therapist.
Practice making eye contact, smiling and saying hello, prepare a few things you can ask in any situation (eg Is anyone else watching X TV show? Has anyone tried this new restaurant in our town? This is my first time at pilates, I'm a bit nervous) It will soon become habit and you will give off a friendly aura.
When I was a painfully, painfully shy teenager I began just setting myself goals, starting with saying hello to the people I sat next to in my lessons - it really was that bad that this was a big deal! Over time I developed the skill and now actively enjoy going to new things and meeting people. I'm still not a loud person but I'm friendly and confident in myself.

Lots of good advice on here. Only thing I'd add is that most people are less confident than you might think, so don't put too much pressure on yourself to change. And no one gets confident and then does something. It only really comes from doing things and builds as you go, and as you realise that nothing bad happened when you put yourself out there, or even if it did, it's not the end of the world. Start small, do something that scares you - speak in a meeting or brave the small talk (ask questions about them, be interested, think about making them at ease not about how you're feeling) - and step by step, it'll build your confidence. The gym etc is good too, but for health and for good energy, not to feed into the idea that aesthetics are what makes you confident. Some of the fittest, greatest looking people are still hugely insecure. Focus on doing things and then the confidence will gradually come. Good luck with it.

Something that has really helped me is a thing called rapid tapping.

If you Google Poppy Delbridge, She has an app with a free trial but I would recommend first having a look at her interview on Fearne Cotton's happy place podcast.

Moved around the world leaving friends and family behind so had no choice
Got older
Realised nobody is thinking about you.

OP you sound fantastic and like you're on fire with a mission to take control of your life and live all your days to the absolutely full. I am in awe of you and your strength and ability to do that after all you've been through.

I'd say walk your walk - get out there and push your heart to the sky (that'll tuck your bum under!) Breathe in confidence with every step and bounce along full of beans. See the world all around you and how wonderful it can be. Listen to the birdsong or but your headphones on and rock around your block.

Then buy a new top or a good book, do your favourite hobby or dance to your best music. Surround yourself only with positive, supportive, good people. Do things you love - you deserve it and it will raise you up.

I built my confidence by gently, every day, pushing myself out of my comfort zone a little. I'd strike up conversation with the person on my table at lunchtime, I'd go for a swim in the sea pool even though I felt fat (the sky didn't fall in and I LOVED it.)

There's a brilliant quote which helped me. I think it's Kevin McCloud of all people!
"I started off worrying that everyone was thinking about me. Then I stopped caring what they thought. Then I realised that they weren't even thinking about me in the first place."

Be you! You are enough. Live life to the full.

Keep coming back on here - lots of us have been or are going through the process you are (in our own ways) and we can share your triumphs and questions with you.

First of all, show up for yourself (eg exercise goals, daily habits etc) and develop confidence from keeping your own promises.

Second, show up for general classes, eg art classes, book club, even when you don’t want to, and each week just put yourself out there a tiny bit more, gradual step by gradual step!

Third, try initiating a coffee meet up with one or two nice people from group, once you have got up know them a little. Don’t take any rejection personally as people are busy. And try and keep “them” in your head rather than “you”! Imagine that they may be nervous too! Try not to be self-conscious ie conscious of yourself but conscious of others and focus all of your thoughts on their responses, and ask follow up questions! People love to talk about themselves!

That’s a start anyway!

That is so sad :(

Have a look at this article on Core Beliefs to help you understand why you think the way you do and how you can change those thought patterns;

https://www.betterup.com/blog/core-beliefs

Ugh schoolboys just copy what each other say. Your mum and sisters have not been what they should have been so their opinion doesn’t count. People walk in all sorts of ways. Can you film yourself and see what your posture is like? That’ll give you a starting point.

Is it bum out, shoulders forward? Maybe posture is something to work on. Stand tall, shoulders back, nose ahead. Hard to stick your bum out then. If it helps, earphones with your favourite confidence boosting music might help. Walk tall, you’ve nothing to hide.

Put it this way the most famous models in the world made thier names by not walking like anyone else and having thier own walk. So take what you want from that.

Try waking in the mirror and try doing it slightly different to see what makes you feel more confident. If the walk you have is a comfort thing and you want to break that then try the above. If you feel that even though it's a comfort walk but it does feel the best for you then stick to it just do it with my ooomph, more purpose and just go for it. You are strong you know this, now show the world

Keep pushing like you are. Remember every second of a conversation you have you are pushing through and that's a mini win

Right down why you are great and stick it on your mirror or carry is around with you in your bag and read it's every morning and every night OUT LOUD! you will feel stupid at first but gradually you will feel less silly and soon enough it will be easy for you and then you can start believing it

Controversial opinion but doll yourself up. Get your hair done, get nice make up and clothes and perfume. If you look good you will feel good and gives you one less thing to worry about when in conversations or meetings.

Walk with purpose. Wherever you are walking don't just walk slowly if walk faster than usual and with good posture this will make you feel powerful

Where the colour red. It it's a fiery colour it can give you some added oooommmph!

Drink water keep that brain hydrated

Practice introductions and conversations in your head to you know what to say it will help you not be so stressed before a meeting etc

Laugh at yourself or just try randomly laughing. Again you may feel silly at first but just do it - Dane with singing

Get excercise in whenever you can especially things like yoga and Pilates.

Practicing deep breathing and breathing techniques. Have a look on YouTube

And get your self some nice Pajamas, lavender room sprays etc to keep you relaxed before bed so you wake up feeling good to start with - oh and plenty of sleep

My therapist trained in humanistic and integrative psychotherapy. I pay for her, but it’s been one of the best investments I’ve ever made. If you can afford it by cutting back somewhere else, I really recommend it. (I’m not in the UK. It’s €60 per session.) You may need to shop around a bit to find a therapist whom you gel with. Check they’re accredited with the BACP.

Invisibility isnt making you happy though if you asking for confidence.
Value yourself more than anything. 🫂

I missed your later posts, therapy is a good suggestion.
You are worthy despite your family treating you otherwise. Sod them.

@NeedAChang - I'm sorry you have such similar experiences, it's a shit hand to be dealt in life.

I had nightmare years where I hated myself, took massive risks, slept around, did silly stuff. But then I woke up one day after a bender and there was a really beautiful song playing and it was a nice day. I thought, 'I want more'. So I worked my socks off, got an entry level job in my field, worked bloody hard and got promoted, volunteered for any opportunity going. Then met now DH, and he helped me see my worth.

I feel best about myself when I have my 'power outfit' on, hair sorted, nails nicely shaped, and I'm on my way to a meeting when I know I am the most knowledgeable in the room. Of course I have a nagging inner monologue who says I'm faking it all, but I've learned to silence my inner pessimist, and focus on success.

My main character flaw now, is that if I'm not moving forward/have a project, I get very stressy, I need to feel like I'm working towards something all the time - but that's not a bad thing. I dearly hope my experience can be helpful, but loving yourself, is the absolute core of happiness

I stopped caring about what other people thought. I know I'm amazing and if they can't see it, then balls to them.

I wear clothes that make me feel good, put on that make up and perfume and rock it.

Everyone is struggling with one issue or another, no one is floating through life on an easy cloud.

Faking it can help, big smile, sunglasses on, tits up and crack on.

That all sounds very familiar, OP, except I never told my parents about the SA (I was 9) because they wouldn’t have wanted to ‘make a fuss’. Nice girls don’t complain. Nice women don’t challenge authority and make other people uncomfortable. Nice women never say ‘no’ to men.

Except that’s nonsense. If shyness and not making eye contact were a recipe for happiness and popularity, you’d be on top of the world now. My mother is a friendless 80 year old seething with unconscious resentment that, as she sees it, she’s played by the rules all her life, and no one has rewarded it. If I ever needed an example of why shyness doesn’t work as a path to being liked, I have it in front of me. To this day she’s baffled that her non-shrinking violet daughters say ‘no’ to people all the time, and have good friendships.

If I can move past my childhood teaching you can too. You’ve taken the first step in recognising it’s not working for you.

Oh gosh op I’m so sorry. Good luck and well done for taking the first steps.