Shamed for formula feeding

It is none of their business how you’re feeding your baby. I’m quite shocked that they are sending you articles and making comments. They are majorly overstepping.

A woman's place is in the wrong. We get judged for breastfeeding, we get judged for formula feeding
Why can't people just mind their own business?

They are being fucking rude! You are mum, you are feeding your baby and it's none of their business!! Ignore them or tell them in no uncertain terms to fuck off

What is actually wrong with these people, getting so het up over how a woman feeds her baby? It's literally none of their fucking business.

Get your husband to deal with MIL.

If she persists, personally I'd go nc. I'm not joking, this is incredibly disrespectful of her and could affect your mental health.

my mum and sister were the same. ignore them.

And if I lived in one of those countries both myself and my daughter would be dead so the lack of milk wouldn't register as a problem.

They're being very insensitive. I would say you've taken medical advice and you're not discussing it further.

They're awful. Fed is best. And I'm one of those lucky women who had buckets of the white stuff. I want to punch your in laws in the nose for doing that to you.

I never understand what’s actually wrong with women who do this. You see it on here quite a lot, proper fanatics, who fail to look holistically at rhe better or only option for both mother and child .

I formula fed, from choice, pure choice, I’ve a happy healthy young adult, as are the millions of other formula fed folks.

I had one shitty comment, and from a mid wife of all people who made the snarky comment that I was formula feeding as I “prob didn’t want my breasts to sag”. I just stared at her with utter disgust and she scuttled off like the putrid rodent she was.

i would either ignore it, or tell them to stop as it is upsetting you.

I'm angry on your behalf OP, not sure who these people think they are to be constantly giving you 'advice'

Lots of excellent advice from previous PP's, I do think there is a limit to how much you can take from people and a very loud 'fuck off' can sometimes do the trick.

People really should mind their business! Like you need the comments when you've already gone through it...

I combi fed - for a variety of reasons but primarily because I did produce milk, but slow flow and not enough - and I'd forever be getting advise on how to up the flow. I decided early on that I was happy combi feeding, that should be enough for others! But the comments kept coming until I hid the breastfeeding element and always said 'I am formula feeding only, that's what I want I will not be breastfeeding dont talk to me about it'

It shouldn't have had to be that way but I then always just fed in private to save any comments.

Fed is best :)

You’re doing absolutely the right thing and don’t let anyone else feel any different.
Any more comments say are you really bringing this up again? What’s your problem?

Give them one final chance by making it very very clear that this is not a topic you will be discussing with them.

'Hi MIL and whoever

As I have advised before, breastfeeding was not successful and is not an option. If you email me any more articles I will mark your email address as spam for all future communications. I will also not be discussing it further with you in person or by phone, so if the topic is raised I will walk away or end the call. It is not a productive conversation as breastfeeding is not a viable option and all you are doing at this point is making me feel bad.

I hope you understand.'

Then follow through. Also don't raise the topic of how much formula you are using or in any way engage in conversation about feeding with them.

I'd be bluntly telling them to fuck off because it's none of their business! Your partner should also tell them to back right off.

I have no words. I’m so desperately sorry for you.

I have IGT (insufficient glandular tissue) as a result of mammary hyperplasia, so basically my breasts didn’t develop properly. The lack of glandular tissue has been confirmed by ultrasound, and the amount of milk I was able to make was negligible.

My babies were born 3 years apart and both lost over 12% of their body weight after birth and started to show signs of dehydration. None of this was picked up of addressed by the hospital or community midwives and breastfeeding was still pushed as the only option - a fact that still makes me incredibly bitter and angry and I’ve struggled to let these feelings go.

Someone needs to advocate for you and in no uncertain terms tell the BF’ing mafia to back the fuck off, and have some empathy. Educating people that no, actually not all women can breast feed, is really high on my agenda as apparently us non-milk producers are like unicorns, we don’t really exist and therefore us and are babies are let down time and time again. Dont even get me started on the whole trans women breastfeeding thing…….. 😤

I hope you find a way to make peace with your feeding journey and get these arseholes to leave you alone. I know how isolating this situation is.

Wet nurses were used by both aristocrats and everyday people. The reasons were just mostly different. Historically it wasn't unheard of for families to keep goats (the best animal substitute for human milk). This practice is still used in some parts of the world today. The other possibility is the baby just died. If you read Tudor period death records there are a considerably number of infants who died due to being unable to breastfeed. Inability to breastfeed isn't a new or Western problem.

Have you had any difficulties with them before the baby, OP? If their antagonism is completely new maybe it does come from a place of worry and love. Have you tried to talk to them about it? "Listen, I actually really wanted to breastfeed, I tried, it just didn't work for me or the baby. I wasn't producing and milk at all. In the end I decided that bottle feeding is best for us."

I understand that parents don't have to justify their decisions or share all their private information. However, if given a short summary of your reasoning, your family members might become more of a support than a hindrance. A bit like at work, if your boss starts making lots of changes without any explanation, employers feel resentful and stressed. If the boss sits down and shares the reasoning for various decisions, everyone feels more reassured and cooperative.

Yanbu at all it's your right to choose and your family abu. However, did you ever actually put baby to the breast? Some people don't respond to a pump at all, it doesn't mean they don't make milk.

@Gemmy96 This really grinds my gears - how dare they? Being a new mum is hard enough without this kind of ignorant bullsh!t pressure. Fed is fed. Formula is giving your baby everything they need.

I was in exactly the same boat as you - didn't produce anything at all & my son was literally starving, so after 2 awful days in hospital, I begged the midwives to bring us a bottle - he downed the lot & finally slept. No going back after that - he would turn his head away & scream every time I tried to put him anywhere near my nipples!

Luckily, with the exception of a few judgy looks/comments from people I didn't give a sh!t about, I was supported by family & friends.

I would have to quite bluntly shut these people down, once & for all. Then don't give them any more headspace & enjoy your little one. X

You need to start flat out telling them to fuck off. Regardless of whether you cannot breast feed or choose not to its Noones business but urs. Ur baby is fed she loved and ur doing the right thing not torturing urself trying to desperately do something that isn’t working

... ^ no idea why my phone wrote ok before congratulations!! 🤪

I would just be blunt... sorry this is not a conversation I'm having with you, only my health visitor... and stop them in their tracks
Enjoy your baby, ck gratulations!

@amijustbeingsuspicious In other parts of the world babies are routinely feed by other nursing Women in the family or community if their own mother has difficulty with supply or amount of milk. A friend who lived in Southern Africa didn't produce enough milk for her DC so it was supplemented by a friend of hers who had oversupply.

Only in the developed world are we so squeamish about sharing breastmilk.

If they say anything at all ask them what they expected you to do, let your baby starve and cry or feed them. When they say feed them but breast is best hand baby over and tell them to crack on as they are probably producing as much milk as you are…

Perfect response!