Shamed for formula feeding

They are totally overstepping. I formula fed both my children after running into severe breastfeeding problems straight away. This would have upset me back then. Breast feeding is amazing but formula does the job extremely well.
I would ask your husband to directly speak to mother in law and ask her to stop immediately.
Also, don't engage in any conversations about feeding with these relatives.

A new, first time mother whose hormones are through the roof can absolutely feel shame. Whether it be their fault, or in the OPs case, not..

I mean do they expect you to just starve your child instead?!

The reason for you not breastfeeding is actually irrelevant as its not anyone's business but the woman. I think I would have to say something to them. Or if its in-laws get your partner to tell them to back off.

Welcome to motherhood, where everyone you know (and a fair few people you don't know) think it's absolutely ok to give their opinions on every parenting choice.

It starts with milk, but there will be comments on sleep, behaviour, snacks, screen time, haircuts.

Perfect the art of "this is what works for us".

Some people think they are being helpful. Some love to be annoying.

Enjoy your baby.

"Shamed" is an interesting word here. Either you're feeling a misplaced sense of shame just because of social disapproval (like people who feel shame over being gay), or there is something here you know is wrong on some level that you are ashamed about (like people shamed on social media for their terrible parking). If you know in your heart that you are completely without blame in something, how can someone make you feel shame?

They sound like really horrible people to be doing that. Having said that I’ve seen the opposite where a friends mother though breast feeding was disgusting and made her go to her bedroom in her own house so as not to do it in front of her.

I’d also be speaking to my DH to tell them to back off

Ignore them all, you make the decision that is best for you and your baby in your circumstances, shut it down. You also have to protect your mental health.

I was told by a midwife that if my baby didn't start gaining weight then we'd have to go back into the hospital. I formula fed from then on and also got the comments etc. My mum spent a lot of money on a pump that did absolutely nothing in an effort to get me to breastfeed 🙄it felt like everyone thought i hadnt tried hard enough and was copping out. Now I just feel angry about it all and guilty that I didn't give him formula sooner. My poor baby must have been so hungry. Ignore them all op 💐

Ignore them or tell them "this is what works for me" and shut them down.

If it's any consolation op, women can't win. I combi fed my newborn for various reasons - it worked really well and I was happy. However I had to endure my mil refering to me as a "milking cow" and implying I was denying people chances to bond. I was also asked to bf my baby in a corner at a baby group because FF mum's would find it "triggering" and like I was "shaming" them despite me never ever talking about it.

Oh and another lady at a different baby group saw me bottle feeding and began telling me I should bf to reduce risk of sids.

For some reason people go mental about how mums feed their babies. It's really strange and I'll never really understand it.

Congratulations on your baby and keep making those memories - don't let the bastards get you down! Xx

Surely this is an inlaws issue, not a feeding issue?

FWIW my MIL and SIL were the opposite - judging me for breastfeeding. They also judged me for "too much cuddling" and "not putting that baby down".

Some people just think their way is the only way 🤷🏻‍♀️

I was adamant I wanted to breast feed but I was only pumping out not even a tablespoonful of milk, and that was one breast.
Just purely out of curiosity, is there a reason you were judging your breast milk output on pumping? Its not really a good well to tell. Its better to judge on wet nappies etc.

1 tbsp per breast is completely normal in the first few days. A newborn has a stomach the size of a marble.

Oh and agreed there should be far more awareness of how normal it is for a newborn to only have tiny volumes of colostrum for 3-5 days before milk fully comes in. My DC initially lost weight then my milk came in and he gained 1lb a week!! I was so grateful my midwife didn't panic at all and just encouraged me.

On the domperidone suggestion above, please check out this article of today that warns against the severe mental health side effects it can have. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/article/2024/may/30/the-darkest-period-of-my-life-i-struggled-to-breastfeed-then-a-drug-sent-me-spiralling

I'm in the same boat OP.

I was completely exhausting myself as I was adamant I wanted to breast feed but I was only pumping out not even a tablespoonful of milk, and that was one breast. I was getting nothing from the other. So I started to combo feed and just adding the small bit to one of his bottles. It just got to a bit I was mentally tearing myself apart for not being able to do it. I've seen the breast feeding nurse a few times and she felt terrible for me as I got so upset.

Now he is only formula fed. Going through a growth spurt at the moment and sometimes will drink 240mls instead of the normal 90-120! My midwife said this is totally normal and he will calm down again. As long as he's not vomiting as that's when you know he's had too much.

Ignore the people who have opinions on how to feed your baby. There is always going to be negative opinions on everything you do when you've had a baby. Mine range from using wet wipes instead of water to what I dress him in. I've found that personally, nobody really cares about the mum after you've had the baby and it's always about what is best for baby etc etc.

Hang in there... you are doing an amazing job mummy xxx

it is extremely rare for someone to actually not have any milk, as in the OP situation.

This. Did the doctors offer you anything? Domperidone?

Your family should not be sending you things/guilting you. But its extremely rare to produce no breastmilk. Its far more common to get nothing pumping - lots of women don't respond at all to a pump but feed a baby fine.

I exclusively formula feed my child.

This is a full sentence. No need to add the justification at the end. That is YOUR choice, for YOUR body and YOUR baby. It has naff all to do with anyone else.
FWIW I can produce breast milk but 2 babies later, I choose not to. I always knew even before conceiving that this would be the case. I don't and will never feel guilty or ashamed about that.

That's so out of order! Feed your baby how you like. I feel like you can't win either way. I breast fed my son and MIL was constantly telling me he needs formula. I don't know why people are so interested in how we feed our babies?

IMO we should all just be grateful that bottles and formula are so readily available here, for anyone who can’t BF, or who finds it too painful or difficult. Plenty of mothers elsewhere in the world aren’t so lucky.

Haven't read the whole thread, but tell me where they are op and I will fight them for you 😂

Formula / breast feeding shaming is the cuntiest thing. I've fed in a variety of ways and none of them are perfect. I found pumping (allegedly sooooo hard) way easier than breastfeeding as my babies were TT and I have a very fast let down. Nobody has any right to judge how you feed your baby unless you are either starving them or feeding them something completely inappropriate .

They would be blocked by me

People should respect the choices a mother makes on BF and keep their opinions to themselves.

And sometimes, babies themselves just refuse to breast feed, but will guzzle formula down quite happily. My youngest was like this. He had his first feed from the breast, latched perfectly - and then refused point blank to ever again. Had he been my first baby, I would have caved to the intimidation of the midwives on the post-delivery ward - yes; I had intended to breast feed (my oldest was breast fed for 3 weeks, until my mother decided she was switching her to formula, so that she could feed her - I was 19 and my mother was quite strident, shall we say?), but the baby was turning his nose up and actually getting upset about the prospect. What good does that do anyone? My son wouldn't even take expressed breast milk in a bottle - he only wanted formula on his menu!

Breast isn't best for everyone.

Your MIL needs to mind her own business, because frankly, this falls under the umbrella of "your body, your choice", IMO.

Incidentally, my son is 19, 6'5, smart as the proverbial whip, and healthier than a lot of his lifelong friends whose mothers boast about having breast fed their babies.

Stand your ground, @Gemmy96 - find a mantra and just keep repeating it until they get the hint. At least with formula, you know your baby is getting enough nourishment at these early stages... but none of this is anyone's business but yours and baby's really.

To clarify, I didn’t say not being able to bf is a myth.

i said normal bf behaviour like cluster feeding, frequent feeding, and waking in the night are the “myths” that mean you don’t have enough milk.

my family all Ff. all of them were extremely concerned I didn’t have enough milk and my baby was starving because she wasn’t going 3-4 hours between feeds, and wasn’t sleeping through the night at 6 weeks. They genuinely thought I didn’t have enough milk.

than I had other mums telling me the same, that’s they “couldn’t” bf because the baby was feeding two hourly so they didn’t have enough. Or they couldn’t pump so “no milk”

had I listened and not sought expert help I probably would have thought I didn’t have enough as well. As my experiences were pretty much the same.