Would you leave your DH to go on these trips with kids ?

I’d go on holiday without any concern at all. My DH would do the same were the roles reversed.

I agree with the PP that you need a long term plan. Obviously you cannot work full time in a senior role and do all the childcare + household and have a serious health condition, all whilst he just works. He needs to do more and work less, or you need to get in extra help as you’ve suggested. Do you actually have time for a decent relationship whilst he works all the time and you do everything?

Given that you don’t seem that happy in the relationship I wouldn’t be dropping to part time, I’d consider protecting your income and getting things aligned in case you do split up in the future. Not that you should or would, but useful to think ahead just in case.

I literally spend my entire life trying to give him a break and time to himself tbh. He's very grumpy so I always let him have lie ins, look for ways to make him happy constantly, in the hopes that he'll be happier around us. I find his moods difficult to deal with, which is why I pick up all the slack- let him have all the lie ins and also often just take the kids out by myself to give him time to himself - all, to make him happier.

He’s a shitty bully.
No doubt a big contributor to your mental health issues.
As a family, you’ve been able to afford (with his income and your savings) for you to take a long period off work.
So… you could have afforded for him not to only have one week off a year and zero time outside of that.

Go on the holiday. But don’t think it’s going to change anything for you.
Get a housekeeper 3 hours a day, and sure you’ll have less laundry. But you’ll still be married to an arsehole.

I suspect you’re more than capable of your senior position (you made it there!) and children. What tips the balance into despair is a man treating you like shit.

Every single mother I know says the same thing: mentally it’s easier to do the same amount of child things when you’re not feeling resentful that it’s on you. Getting in from a hard day and having to make dinner for two kids is a pain in the arse sometimes! But when that portion size is extended to a man too (no more actual work) and that man is either sat on the fucking sofa or “out working” - entirely through choice - then that’s when the mental health declines.

So fuck him, go on the holiday, but take the time there to think about your future. A housekeeper won’t stop him being an arsehole.

The real world alone?? What do you think two kids under 5 in another country is? He's self employed. He's chosen to work his business such that this is his lifestyle. Where's his consideration to his wife having kids he isn't around physically for? Not being able to help with anything domestic whilst they BOTH work full time, high pressure jobs?

She's taking the kids to see her family for two weeks, something he'd be able to join in with if he'd made different choices

What's the long term plan OP, is this period where he can't do anything around the house to help (I presume he works very long hours 7 days a week) likely to go on for another year? Two? Just wondering what the plan for him rejoining family life is. Has something happened with the business that has pushed plans back?
So sorry you are having to deal with everything.

...and you can't "makehim happier" by setting yourself on fire op. Please look after yourself and ask yourself why he gets all the consideration to the point you burnt yourself out?

I'd go for the whole summer. He should ho with what is right for you and the children and you need support right now. He can come to see you in the middle week. He is an adult and should be able to cope for a few weeks.

The difference is that she's taking the kids. How hard can it be for a grown adult to look after himself for a couple of weeks? It's what single adults do while working full-time all the time. He cant go on holiday anyway, do he'll still not have a break. He'll probably have an easier time.
OP I've just read your update. Leave him to it and take a prolonged holiday with your children and family. He doesn't soundclike he is giving you much consideration at all.

Why are you with this man? Seriously, what is he adding to your life? Why does he think he gets to work this ridiculous job at the expense of everyone else? Does he think his kids will grow up and completely understand and be ok with the fact he picked work over them?

I'm beginning to think you need to make your time away with the kids permanent.

Hmm your last update is even more worrying OP. You are supposed to be his partner not his slave. Why is he taking his moods out on you? He is responsible for his own mental wellbeing.

Oh this is really sad 😞 I can’t relate to this at all but life doesn’t need to be like this, treading on eggshells and putting his moods and choices above your own.

Nonsense. Op was working full-time, doing all the childcare in-between and cooking / cleaning / washing for two kids and two adults.

He's working full time, getting his meals cooked and his house cleaned and his washing done, and occasionally spends a bit of time with the kids as he sees fit.
For two weeks he'll have to buy his own take out whilst op still does all the childcare albeit somewhere else, then no doubt has to come home and clean the house and do all his washing.

Yeah, some of us gathered that already my love, by the fact you have shouldered everything for years. Look after yourself please, no one else will.

Ignore the offensive poster OP and think about what some of the more supportive replies are saying. With your dh in this role, with these hours , life is always going to be really hard for you -single mum.with an absent father. Your husband is currently married to his job first, you and the kids second. Is this really the best arrangement all round? Did you go into this with your eyes open or has it crept up on you? And why is your life so lonely?

I guess because you don't see dh and he is never available to give you space to build your own social life and connections, and your work / parenting was taking up your energy if not your time.

You need to start socialising with other adults even if it's just meeting other families in the park. And you need exercise for your mental health. As you sound like there is some money there, if dh cannot have the kids in the evening buy in babysitting so you get an evening a week to swim/run/ do yoga/ sing in a choir/ whatever.

And yes, obviously go to see your family. It's worrying that this is even a question.

The thread would go exactly the same as this one IF it read 'I'm a husband who, after years of working in a senior role alongside doing everything child and house related, I faced serious burn out and took some time out before having a breakdown'. As you well know. There would be supportive comments and someone like you determined to be a dick. I mean it wouldn't be you on that thread because it's women doing something for themselves you hate. Swings and roundabouts innit.

Go away OP and enjoy it.

Go.

You can't hope to be in a position to look after anyone else if you don't look after yourself first.

Reads exactly the same whether it's husband or wife taking time off.

OP isn't a wife from the 50's. She doesn't need to stay at home to make sure dinner is on the table when DH gets home. Unless he's literally working 16 hour days 7 days a week he can look after himself for a few weeks.

Swan off on holiday OP and have a fab time.

Wowsers, some of these replies.

I would go if my husband was on board with it. Not because I need his say-so but because we are a team. When the chips are down it's more important than ever that you pull together.

In return, at some point in the future I'd put myself out to give him a break, at whatever point that becomes feasible.

I hope you feel better soon.

Yes , just ignore everyone that doesn’t agree! Typical MN!

I would ignore that poster if I were you. They don't understand your situation and aren't adding anything. Other people have made more helpful responses. Don't waste your time on the negative, unhelpful ones.

My problem is how rude the OP has become when it hasn’t all gone her way. This is AIBU.

Read the room, @Youcannotbeseriousreally - you are literally the only poster who thinks like this. Everyone else is supporting the op.

You have been ruder than she has. She's been pretty restrained 🤷‍♂️

I'd suggest ignoring @Youcannotbeseriousreally
They seem to be set to be deliberately confrontational & aiming to upset the op & derailing

You should go, AND your husband is being ridiculous. Of course he should do half the jobs all the time. He needs to step up, what's his excuse?

I used to feel sorry for DP missing out because he was working, and couldn't make time for the kids. But then I was also working and doing everything in the house like you OP (I just couldn't choose when I worked, I had to do it around school runs, and mealtimes - early in the morning and late at night to get my hours in).

But then I realised that I felt more sorry for the kids, missing out on stuff because their dad wouldn't make time for them (he had time to go out after work with colleagues though). So I started taking them on those trips alone, and it was wonderful - even having to make up the work at night was less stressful than bored kids during the day while I tried to also work.

Just as you are looking for ways that you could get back to work, whilst not burning yourself out on the second shift with the kids, your DP could too. And it's not fair on the kids to miss out purely because a grown adult is choosing to live his life as he does.