Would you leave your DH to go on these trips with kids ?

@arethereanyleftatall you need to hit the report button on the inappropriate posts.

Or do you know what? He could just step up to the plate. Self employed or not (as many people are) they don't all just opt put of hone life and dump it on their partner.

Definitely go on the trips while you have the chance whilst not working. Indeed gonkn some solo trips leaving him to sort the kids and have time for yourself.

Brilliant post.

He seems to get time off at the weekend.

Seriously @holsquestions what are his good points as I am struggling to see them.

Please can you look at many of the comments on all threads by @Youcannotbeseriousreally

This is supposed to be a site to support mothers. And it usually is. But this poster comes along and attacks women at every chance. These women come here for support when they're really low, and often hone in on this particular poster's unsupportive (every time) comments, because they are low and start second guessing.

This op needed serious help before she burnt out, and her thread has been derailed and descended in to deletion messages once again due to one poster.

Honestly OP, what does he bring to the table apart from money to pay the bills?
You say you've mentioned it to him and he's being grumpy and saying it's a bit long. I'd hazard a guess that he's not thinking he'd miss you and the kids for that length of time, more he'll miss his cook, cleaner, dogsbody.
I'd go with the kids and quite possibly not come back to him. Stay with your family who will actually bother to support you.

I'm now catching up on the whole thread @holsquestions and I'm getting incensed on your behalf. PLEASE take absolutely no notice of the misogynistic bellend who pops up all the time to be a complete arsehole to awesome women who are understandably burnt out.

One thing that has popped up for me op, is you keep saying you're not supported at home. You should be. That would be the point of a marriage. He should be your biggest supporter. I would do some thinking on what value he is bringing to yours and your childrens lives.

OP:
He doesn't get much time off at all.

Also OP:
This is when I ask him not to just swan around the house all weekend, lying down in bed and resting / watching TV in a separate room from us and leaving me to always be the one to be with the children

The problem is not your senior job, or having kids - and it’s possibly not even your health issues. It’s him.

Get the housekeeper if you’re staying with him, but FGS please safeguard your own financial future by getting back to your job. I bet you’re great at it, and I bet you worked hard to achieve the role you did. Work wasn’t the reason for the “burn out” - he was. Yet you got rid of work and not him!

FWIW.. whn my kids were little, our summer holidays involved spending time with my family and going away with my kids on my own without my husband. Being alone 24/7 at home is challenging. New environments, new activities and someone else cooking and cleaning, was a huge part of our summer holidays..

But I do think you have bigger things to worry about in your marriage, if your husband is not willing to shoulder any responsibility for household tasks then he is better off fending for himself. He should share responsibility for his children and he should not expect that you provide all the support infrastructure for him as well as yourself and your children.

Do decide what support you need, nanny, personal assistant etc to make your life run smoothly and make this happen.. if he does not support the day to day needs at home he does not get to veto the things you need in place to support you.

And of course, he should help

This tells us everything we need to know. An adult man should 'help' to look after his dc and his house??

God. The 1750s called. They want you back, @Youcannotbeseriousreally

Absolutely and utterly go.

And ignore the 'you cannot be serious' or whatever poster. I've seen, presumably him, pop up on various threads to denigrate women, who must be subservient to their lord and master husband at all times.

We keep calling it a holiday - but it's not really, it's her normal, day to day life somewhere else with the kids, and with some family around to support/give her a break.

I would say that the break for him is that the kids aren't there, but then it seems like they don't actually affect his life anyway.

This is very much not a way to recover yourself, and get back to being able to cope with work.

Can you explain why you think a woman who has a husband should have to "cope" with a full time senior job, 100% of the care of two children under the age of 5 and 100% of the upkeep of the home that they both paid for and both live in, whilst also suffering from health problems, so that he doesn't have to "cope" with anything other than his job?

Because it sounds to me like he isn't really bringing anything other than money to this marriage, whereas the OP has contributed not only money but 100% of everything else as well.

And you begrudge her a holiday without him!

If you want to focus on your career to the exclusion of all else, don't get married and don't have kids.

He's not really saying much. Seems grumpy. Says it's a bit long.. so I'm guessing he's not so keen on us going.

OK, so if it was shorter, would he be spending time with the kids then once you were back? Is it a bit long because he'll miss you and the kids, and wants to be spending that time with you all rather than you being away?

Or is it a bit long, because you won't be there doing things for him in that time?

I’d go in a heartbeat. And if he was grumpy I’d tell him if he were a good husband and. A good dad he would support every opportunity there was for me to have some support and the kids some fun since he’s totally absent as a parent and I’ve given up my job to cope. Other men would adjust their work so they can deliver as a parent and other women would just divorce him, me! I would divorce him and say if you want to see your kids it’s when you’re parenting them and caring for them, I wasn’t put on this earth to facilitate a man’s job to the point of burnout. So he should be very grateful, and you should tell it to him straight - you’re going and if you hear a word you’re going without the kids and he can work it out for a few weeks and get some insights into why you had to quit, because you don’t have a partner.

or because she can’t cope? ; man th people people do cope in these circumstances ) Has he actually said it’s beneath him? It sounds a lot like the OP is so so so desperate to please him (her words in update) , she has forgotten her boundaries. And of course, he should help. But has she actually asked him to? Has he actually refused? Or has she been on a mission to try and do everything herself to prove a point? So many variable etc here. The holiday is the least of their worries. The set up sounds terrible.

OP, you should absolutely go away, for as long as you need or want to.

What does your husband really bring to your marriage, other than financially?

Do you really want to stay with him if this is going to be your life?

Sounds like a brilliant idea.

I'm a teacher and in the holidays my DH leaves me to do pretty much everything so I often take the kids to my parents house for 10 days as then it's 3 adults and 3 kids and lots of help!

The only unreasonable thing about your proposed trip is that it should be longer. It's normal and healthy for couples to not spend all their time together.

Maybe your DH will realise how much he's taking you and your solicitude for his well-being for granted and buck his ideas up. Or maybe you'll both find you're happier apart. You need a break to rest and reset.

You cannot, indeed, be serious.

The OP has had to give up her well paid job and make herself financially dependent on him because he thinks childcare and housework are beneath him.

Have you actually talked to him about going away? It’s not clear from your posts if he has said he doesn’t want you to go?