Would you leave your DH to go on these trips with kids ?

How can you love this man how can you find him attractive in any way a grown adult who refuses to do any washing it takes 2 minutes to put it In the machine, how is any of his actions loving and caring he wants you home to clean the house and be his safety net.

Oh OP I really feel for you. Have this two week holiday with your family and don't feel guilty. You need it, your family are paying, and it won't stop you going away with your DH later in the summer.

He'll cope on his own - one person doesn't generate much housework or washing, and he can buy ready meals if he really doesn't have time to cook.

I hope you can find more happiness and balance going forwards.

What the actual fuck am I reading here. He literally only has himself to look after and he can't even do that?

You would be vastly better off without him.

You’re staying with family right? Tell him single men have houses and eat food as well as jobs, and you aren’t leaving to come home until you’ve video called and he’s shown you the tidy house, as you’re not the cleaner and if you’ve taken the children away looking after himself is the BARE MINIMUM FOR AN ADULT.

By "struggling with housework" he means "not doing any housework", right?

A man whose family is away should be able to keep on top of the washing up, take the bins out and wash his own pants.

He's telling you that you will come home to a week's worth of his dirty laundry and a sink full of dishes.

What a prize wanker he is.

Yeah, definitely. My DH is a teacher and he’s taken the kids away in school holidays for trips, albeit shorter ones but the point still stands.

Do you have any say in the choices he makes about work? Could he work less or is he choosing to work the way he does?

Did he give a shit that you were signed off because you were burnt out?

He basically seems to have no respect for you or how hard you have been working for the family. The fact that he can't cope without you for two weeks, not because he will miss you and the kids but because the house will get messy (HIS MESS) and the laundry won't be done (HIS PANTS), is pathetic.

Go, and use this as time to re-evaluate this relationship, because it seems to be putting your mental health at risk.

YANBU, you should definitely go for the full 2 weeks, although I'd be tempted to make it longer!

What about if you arranged for the whole house to be deep cleaned the day after you leave, and again the day before you return home, so he doesn't need to stress about housework too much. WRT his laundry, surely a grown man can manage to wash enough pants, socks and shirts to see himself through a week or two?! Failing that, you could arrange for a laundry collection and ironing service to stop by a couple of times while you're away?

I don't think you should have to arrange anything, but given that he's making you feel guilty, it might be worthwhile putting a couple of things in place to negate his arguments against you going on this (much needed and well deserved) trip with your children.

I hope you do go, and have a wonderful time!

All the more reason for you to go away, but not for 2 weeks, go for bloody 4 weeks and leave your lazy, selfish, useless DH to get his arse in gear and manage his job and the house at the same time.

You absolutely deserve the break and he deserves to be taught a very strong lesson.

She wouldn’t have had to give up work - through complete burn out - if her DH had pulled his weight. They both worked full time, but on top of that she also did all the housework, childcare, life admin etc.

Maybe if he was left at home for a few weeks and had to juggle cooking, laundry and cleaning the house with his job, he may finally understand what his wife’s life has been like.

Genuinely op. How did you not laugh in his face?

This grown man has just told you he sees you as his maid. Is this not ridiculously embarrassing?

I know it's harsh and horrible for you to realise, but, he can't give a flying shit who it is, he just needs someone to do his laundry because he's incapable of it.

That is embarrassing. And it's even worse that he thinks it's fine to say it.

You need to set the wheels in motion to leave op. You cannot be modelling to your children that housework is women's work.

He should be focussing on his family and his struggling wife, but he’s not, so no one gives a rats arse what this selfish fucker thinks. Or his mum. Look in the mirror op and remind yourself - you are worth care, love and support. You deserve respect. You are your children’s everything and they need you healthy.

It's none of your mil business, she can go and look after her useless son while your away.

Go for the two weeks and have a really good think about what you're getting out of this marriage.

YOU need to take care of YOU.

This sounds really tricky OP. From what I can gather for a long time your H has focussed on work and left you to juggle work, kids, housework and all the mental load that goes with it. Quite understandably you burned out, and he did not step up to support your recovery, leaving you having to quit your job or go under.

By taking issue with having to take care of himself and the house whilst you're away he is clearly showing that he's not capable of juggling the things he expected of you when you were working. In fact given that the children will be with you it's even more pathetic.

I'm cautious about crying LTB, but please do prioritise your recovery and take care of yourself because if you do decide that your marriage isn't right you will be in a stronger position if you're well enough to work. ATM he's got a live in housekeeper, nanny and PA to help him focus on his career- he should be prepared to share those roles to make room for you to work when you are able to.

I'd hazard a guess that life would be a lot less stressful without him.

Go for it. I take my kids away in February half term with my family. DH stays at home and works as we don't have enough leave to cover all the school holidays otherwise. Then in the summer he takes the kids to his parents for a week and I'm home alone working. I've also thrown my husband to the wolves by jetting off for a week when the kids were 1&3. They all lived and my husband even managed to not burn the house down. Who knew they could parent and function?

How much housework does one grown man generate FFS?

And as to your MiL ... as the saying goes, who made her the boss of you?

Tell your MIL to mind her own bloody business.
What a shower.
You are being abused and controlled.
Get home to your parents for a couple of months. Take the rest.

Adult man isn't capable of taking care of himself? WTF!

No one cares because unfortunately this is what is expected of mothers and society continues to enforce this message.

I am hopeful my DD does not end up like it - but a really good starting point is to rebel against it even at an individual level, so please take the time you need and do not feel guilty - it is what I have started doing,

You are a person outside of being a housemaid and a mother and you deserve to look after yourself as well.

Is he really saying that as an adult man, he is unable to do his own laundry and cooking and clean up after himself for 2 weeks??? Honestly, he should be deeply embarrassed and ashamed of himself.

His priority is having his skivvy at home.
Please go and take every bit of support you can.
He is not supportive of you, does not help, gets more rest, despite you being post-partum. He is grumpy.
Your well being does not figure.
Go to your family and stay as long as you can.
He is not good man.
He is a selfish arse that has reduced you to an appliance for his convenience.
A good man would be delighted for you.
Tell your family the truth about is treatment of you.

Again. I’d be looking at my options. I think your ‘D’H has contributed to your burnout and is either a moron who can’t work a washing machine, or is abusive and sees you as a maid.