Fall out with Grandson

The problem of course is that kids are untouchable these days. They have too much power and it’s not good for them. It’s dangerous actually.

We need an urgent reset and quick. A bit of discipline while they are still manageable would be a good start, but how do you discipline your own kids when you don’t know what discipline is yourself? This child-centred insanity has been going on since the 1990s.

I would not give him a gift. End of story.

Either he is still being punished by his parents, or was temporarily and holds you responsible for his actions.

Or they are brushing it under the carpet, as are you by visiting and saying hello, how are you.

Either way, this bodes very badly for any teen/child/near adult who is not being held accountable for their behaviour nor willingness to apologise profusely for such a lack of control.

I'd get him a card but no present. I'd explain that until you get an apology (and a proper one at that) and some respect then there'll be no more presents!

Oh look... another huge and controversial thread where an OP has dropped a bomb and then not returned
School holidays = bored kids

I said this earlier, Whether this paticular post is true or not,the scenario is very real. I am dealing with a case where the 12 year old lad squares up to his nan( who us his carer) and pushes her with his shoulder to get past her when she asks him to go to school. He has hit her and she walks on eggshells.
She is terrified of him. Social care say it's not their problem because there are no child safeguarding issues for him and his two younger brothers.
I know she lives in fear in her own house.

You could be right, but we have bigger problems here. The apologists. This is exactly right.

OP, I haven't read all the replies but quite a few and I'm glad most people are seeing sense. I really hope you are OK.
Boys this age are usually as tall as or taller than you probably are and it must have been quite a shock.
Please don't buy this boy any gifts for now. He needs to apologise before you can even think about that.
I work in secondary and have never experienced any physical assault from any of the boys there. Thankfully, most have a conscience and know wrong from right even if they do play up.
Do you know if the parents have reported it to anyone? They should be at least informing school as it's a safeguarding concern and he could do it to anyone else.
Your grandson needs help and it's not safe for you to be around him at present.

Male violence against an older female relative and female defends herself from his attack. That's what this is. To make any excuses for the teen boy is just defending male violence.

What the fuck a 14 year old boy punches his grandmother and people make excuses.
My 20year old cousin broke into my grandmother house 25 years ago...he still knows I will put him in a coma if I find him
If this lad were related to me he'd still be in crutches...there is no excuse

Finding these apologist responses really quite concerning.

And yet, during this 'very difficult stage of life', almost all teenagers can control their anger and frustrations enough not to punch people, let alone their own grandma.

So much this ^
Being a teenager is no excuse for anything. My brothers and sons, like most teen boys, managed to negotiate adolescence without unprovoked attacks on older women.
Such behaviour, whilst not unknown, is by no means common; nor is it ever justified. Where it does occur it must be dealt with harshly. No hugs, apologies from victims and certainly no fucking presents.

The reality is that once males start to gain adult strength, you can't treat them/parent them like little boys any more when it comes to this stuff.
Boys age 14/15 sometimes rape and kill. They're not safe little children any more.

And this post demonstrates just why there are so many feral 'children' on the streets, no-one should tackle them, they have 'rights'. The brat physically assaulted another person, gender, age, relationship are irrelevant, and he got hit in return, End of story.

It's also where you should learn decent behaviour but also that if you misbehave there will be consequences. When I was teaching there were a few girls who thought they could slap a boy 'for a laugh' but then whined like hell when they were slapped back!

excellent advice right there. So sorry you had to deal with this.

May I just add this?

I still do a bit of supply. I was in my permanent teaching post until I was 58.

In my working life I've encountered many instances of boys of 14/15 who have been violent towards women staff members (and occasionally towards smaller and/or older men).

Spookily, they never seem to punch the male members of staff who are built like brick shithouses. They'll stomp their feet and sometimes cry/swear in rage but they don't seem to risk hitting them. Funny that, eh?

The time that I was punched, the two male teachers who were also hit were shorter than the boy and one was on the point of retiring. Our home link officer was an ex-policeman in his 50s. All he had to do was whisper in the boy's ear and he stopped cold.

The day that he retired from his school post, the HL Officer told me what he'd said: "Try that with me, and I'll put you through that effing wall."

He obviously has no remorse and thinks he has not done anything wrong because if he did he would have said sorry. His parents need to treat this seriously if gets away with doing it once he might continue. I know a boy who hit his mum at 14 and despite the school policeman's advice to have him arrested she didn't. He continued and it escalated he made his parents lives a misery being violent and breaking things in the house. He was jailed for domestic violence on his first girlfriend his parents always regretted not pressing charges. I would not get a present he does not deserve one if he cannot tell you he is sorry for what he has done.

If my 11 year old lad punched me it would hurt, so a boy 3 years older who is quite likely the size of an adult if not far off would be very painful. I hope you are OK @LadySmurf

I would be angry at my kid (the parent) too to be honest. Disgusting behavior.

Thank you very much.

I've told the story elsewhere on Mumsnet. I hesitate to talk about it in RL because it seems so unbelievable.

It's ridiculous: I'm 64 now and I find myself looking at threads where women ask about lines on pregnancy tests because that's pretty much what happened to me. I couldn't tell for certain whether or not the test was positive, so was waiting a week or so before I retested. (I was in my 40s, you see, so menopause was another option.)

The one good thing that came out of it was that I became very protective of female staff in my department.

I admit that some of the replies on here today are making me both upset and angry.

@justasking111
What a stupid throw away comment 🙄 you've just made,

Just cause @LadySmurf hasn't never posted before it does not mean this mumsnet thread post is fake at all,

She could have had to play down home life issues such as shouting swearing 🤬 volatile envoriment,
that have lead to this punching 👊 incident with her grandson cause of idea of playing happy families charade keeping up appearances etc,

and the reason why this mumsnet thread has acctracted so much interest ,
is exactly cause of the issue of male violence in our society and how to address this in preventive ways before as we all know how prevelant and toxic males influence is in our society,

Violent men were teenagers one time,

Violent men are child men arrested development stuck at that stage,

We live unfortunately of course in pandering toxic men child ego centric world 🌎 too,
and suffer the consequences of this batshit dysfunctional skewed optics every day all over the world,

Their violent behaviour and attitudes don't come from nowhere from a vacuum for Christ's sake,

This mumsnet thread has been insightful in more ways than one,
especially in regards of the reaction to @LadySmurf @plums

, the pandering to heaven sent beholders of plums meat and two veg genalitia is wild off,
the charts madness,
the apologist are out of full force to pander to her teenage grandson hurty feelings in regards of him not having an x box system to play with etc,

What the heck, what are his parents doing about this seriously damaged child of theirs? I’d be terrified if I was his parent, it’s hard to imagine him being rehabilitated into a normal decent man if he’s that far gone – I’ve never heard of a fourteen year old male punching his grandmother. It’s the sort of thing you wouldn’t even imagine.

justasking111 · Today 22:00
Sapphire387 · Today 21:45

Oh look... another huge and controversial thread where an OP has dropped a bomb and then not returned.
School holidays = bored kids

You could be right, but we have bigger problems here. The apologists.

'Some of the apologists on here terrify me'.

Me too. So how did these apologist happen? Are they men pretending to be women? From another planet? I have never heard anything like it!
The women (and men) that I know would be outraged by this behaviour, and dealing with it. Not exposing their weird and contraversial views on here.
I have to go to bed now, I'll fight the aliens in the morning.

I'm sorry you were punched, but a 14 year old who is hitting, clearly is experiencing some heightened emotions which he cannot regulate.

But he can regulate himself.
It was the comment from his 8y sibling that was the catalyst.
He regulated himself enough to not punch the 8y.
Instead he 'regulated himself' enough to turn round and punch the older women instead.

I'm so sorry for what you went through @WearyAuldWumman I could cry for you. Bloody hell

@Despair1

exactly, op doesn’t need to anything for this boy ever again.

School holidays = bored kids