Fall out with Grandson

Maybe it depends on where you are parenting wise. If you have an aggressive teenage boy yourself you see it one way. Those of us with gentle teen girls see it quite another.

There's a third way of seeing it through the eyes of someone who has specificly worked with teens.ive worked with teens for over 35 years and I know when we get violent teens to our service, the same pattern of behaviour from their parents has been repeated over and over again.
I'm other words, do I blame the parents? I'd pretty much every single time to be honest.
I also believe things can be turned round both the child's behaviour and parenting skills but by the time a young person is a teen a lot of work needs to be done.

I HAVE been in this situation many times and i take care of many venerable children who have experienced violence.

Well, this nearly 15-year-old is the perpetrator of violence. He's not the victim. The OP is the victim, like those children you take care of. Do you chastise them too when they tell you they hit back after being punched? Or does only age matter here? You can't be an attacker until you are over 18, and you can't be a victim if you're a grandmother.

I'm not raising sons!! What makes you think that i am?

The concern is because you seem utterly unconcerned about a violent teenage thug attacking an older woman without provocation. Punching her in the stomach!

Instead your response is to chastise the grandmother and ignore the violence leading to her frankly justifiable reaction.
Yes, it’s scary that someone with your views could be raising sons .

@Bellaboo01

I HAVE been in this situation many times and i take care of many venerable children who have experienced violence.

That's even more concerning tbh.

@Bellaboo01

You are concerned because i wouldn't be violent or allow someone to be violent against any child in my care?

I'm concerned about people who believe an act of automatic, reflexive self defence is the same as an attack.

I'm also concerned about people who respond to an upset grandmother who has been assaulted implying she is unsafe around children.

Because those people, perhaps without realising, are apologists for male violence against girls and women.

Have you seen what the average 14 year old boy looks like now? Size and strength wise? Versus a grandmother? To position him and her both as aggressors is bizarre.

I DO have an idea and I HAVE been in this situation many times and i take care of many venerable children who have experienced violence.

Not sure i even understand what you are saying!? You are speaking rubbish!

You are concerned because i wouldn't be violent or allow someone to be violent against any child in my care?

BUT, i can absolutely guarantee 100% you that i would never, ever have slapped him round the face.

@Bellaboo01

You have no idea how you would react when surprised with a punch to the stomach unexpectedly.

It's bizarre to say you know 100% that you wouldn't do something that is often an automatic response of our body, as self preservation when attacked. No anger, no thought, no premeditation is required. It's a reflex, just as an animal under attack will bite back as a reflex.

Your posts to a woman who has been assaulted are disgraceful.

@Bellaboo01

It terrifies me that people with your stance on violence against an older woman (not that it would be better at any age really) punched in the stomach, could be raising boys. Or raising girls who will statistically be likely to be in a relationship with boys at some point.

It's so unsettling.

I don't know the child/ any of his behaviour issues etc etc so i can't say how i would have reacted in that situation. What might work for one, might not work for another but, responding and disciplining violence with violence clearly isnt the correct way.

BUT, i can absolutely guarantee 100% you that i would never, ever have slapped him round the face.

@Bellaboo01 how do you personally think she should have responded out of interest?

If it was a 'knee- jerk reaction' then it was done lightly!

Bloody ridiculous some of them who work with teens and are all, oh it’s not his fault. Poor love.

This thread is a classic example of what seems to be the new-fangled 'parenting' ideology on MN. The move is now towards never saying No! because you will lose them, never discipline them because they will hate you for life. Always apologise to the child even when they swear and scream & physically attack you instead practice 'love bombing', love messages and presents will cure this. Absolutely never have a confrontation.

While there are elements of all these that all work in particular cases, in most cases these they all send the wrong kind of message. The message 'that i can do what i want and if they don't, there will be hell to pay'. So the parents are held over a barrel gun. Be rest assured, It does no one any good, everybody loses out in the end. Whilst the dc may elude any form of discipline for now, I am confident on the streets, the police and prison beckons.

He’s a rude teenager who verbally abused her and punched her in the stomach. I’m sure OP’s gut reaction to this was just a knee jerk one and not done lightly.

@Bellaboo01

they haven’t said anything

You slapped your Grandson round the face?

You are an adult and he is a child!!

What have his parents said to you?

And op has not come back...

Those posts blaming the OP and defending that behaviour with one claiming to work with troubled teens were appalling. I honestly have never read anything as bad on this site. I wonder if it was their grandmother who got punched would they be so quick to defend the attacker?
OP this is really nasty and the child's parents really need to get some sort of intervention urgently for this kid or hes headed for serious trouble.
I wouldn't buy him anything especially in the absence of an apology. He has to realise there are consequences to his actions and at his age he knows the difference between right and wrong.
Ultimately you won't be helping him by giving gifts. I hope you're ok awful thing to have happened to you

Even the law says that after 10 they can be prosecuted for their violence. Most 7 or 8 year olds know right from wrong, many have a very well developed sense of right and wrong from an even earlier age.

Exactly.

I now take every thread on Mumsnet as hypothetical.

So, whilst this scenario appears to be fake, it is actually happening in many households so is worth debating, and noting that there are some genuine replies which explain why there are little shits knocking about thinking they can be aggressive to anyone, family or not, and dear mummy will defend them.

Maybe it depends on where you are parenting wise. If you have an aggressive teenage boy yourself you see it one way. Those of us with gentle teen girls see it quite another.

Agree there has been a shift in society. In my day as a 90s teen a letter home was feared even by the roughest kid as then you were in trouble at home as well as school. Now parents back their kids against the school and weigh in personally against the teacher. This has been observed by teacher family members who have between them taught from 1970 to present day.

This 100%.

Awful for you OP. You have a problem with the boy's parents as much as with him. That they did not insist on him apologising to you is appalling. Can you speak clearly and firmly to whichever of them is your DC? Also speak to the little sod himself. I hope his younger brother did not witness what happened, or see the aftermath with his brother and parents. What a terrible life lesson! No birthday present - which would reward unacceptable behaviour.