Fall out with Grandson

I'm sorry...I didn't mean to take over here, but I think it's important for people to understand.
You are not taking over.

Thank you. That's very kind of you.

I'm sorry...I didn't mean to take over here, but I think it's important for people to understand.

Don't apologise. You are not taking over.

It is so important to understand that this is never ok and for you to know that you aren’t alone 💐

To those people who are saying that the OP was wrong to slap her grandson, I would ask them to explain what she should have done. Suppose she hadn't slapped him and he'd kept hitting her - how was she supposed to stop the assault?

No, it's fine. I've spoken about this before on Mumsnet on some of the teaching threads.

I'm finding the responses of the apologists hard to take, but at least I've been able to discuss this with people on here without being made to feel that I'm insane.

I recall tidying up my filing cabinet at work and coming across my account of the assault. I could not remember what I detailed in there.

I have blanks to this day. I clearly remember trying to protect my stomach. I only know that I was punched because I've read my own statement and other people have told me that I was assaulted. (I know that I sound crazy.)

I remember the teenage victim running into my room. I remember trying to keep out of the way. I remember seeing a fifth year boy looking in my room. I remember seeing the other two teachers in the room - one was standing in front of the teenage victim to protect him.

I remember seeing the Home Link Officer. This is the truly insane bit - I remember wondering why the fifth year had told my colleagues that I was being beaten up.

There was a period of time when I thought that only the men had been hit. I don't know how to explain this...I must have been aware because I described being punched in my statement, but I then blanked it all out.

I still can't remember the punch, even though I know it happened I clearly remember the miscarriage at work the next day.

I'm sorry...I didn't mean to take over here, but I think it's important for people to understand.

In my case, the perpetrator painted himself as the victim, and it seems to me that this is what always happens.

After my husband died, I went back to teaching (on supply) because - quite simply - I have little else in my life.

I had to attend an online inset day for my LA. It was all about trauma response...That is, it framed all bad behaviour (no matter how violent) from pupils as a response to their trauma. No one is thinking about the victims.

We now have children who are school refusers because they know that very little will happen to perpetrators of violence if they are under 16.

There was a case in Scotland a few years ago where a woman teacher was stabbed in the neck by a 15 yr old boy. This was a mainstream school. The culprit used a pencil. The woman survived.

On social media, I saw posts blaming the teacher, claiming that she had caused her own assault. I'm sick of it all. I'm glad to see so many women on here saying that we've had enough of male violence.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-45940788.amp

I'd be very interested to see a response to this.

Weary, I'm sorry, too.
It must bring back painful memories. Would you rather we stoped this thread?

Thank you.

ArcaneWireles,
I can fully understand the freeze. Shock. I can understand the visceral fight back, when running would be the better option. We don't always think it through.
I am lucky, I have never been hit within a relationship. (Been mugged, and abducted, but that's a whole other story).
That I should call the norm lucky, isn't that dreadful?
You are so right - it's not a loss of control, or they would end up being beaten by someone bigger, or smacking their bosses. They go for the easier option.

I’ve got 5 young adult GCs. 4 here, and 1 in America.

If anyone of them had punched me, I would have lamped them.

The only “safe space” they would have found was when they landed with my foot up their arse.🙄

See for me garden, the first time he hit me was a slap. I was too surprised to react.

The second time? When he punched me I reacted. And I did react even though I wasn’t a match. Not one bit. And I kept reacting until I just couldn’t any more. Anyone with sense would think why? Why did you try even though it was hopeless? It came from somewhere deeper than consciousness because I knew I was in trouble from the second that first wallop landed.

It never fails to surprise me that those with that kind of rage never take it out on anyone else who might be able to fight fairly. A pal. A bloke in the street. A colleague. They always choose their victim carefully. I don’t buy a loss of control.

There is always a choice and they always make the right one for them.

It really bothers me that the lad chose to punch his grandma instead of the brother who needled him. And trust me, that would have been bloody awful too.

But he chose to punch her. Not shove. Not slap. Not strop. Not swear more and flounce away.

Punch.

I don't think we will get any answers to our questions from these women.

They can come out with the condemnation, but not answers. Shame they are not so 'gentle' and ' understanding' when posting to the victim.
Shock! Horror! Woman stands up to her aggressor. (Even though she apologised later...)
'I would never...'
Chances are they have never needed to fend off an attacker, or we would have the benefit of their superior advice and knowledge.

My main question to you @Bellaboo01 is, with your blanket 'it's wrong to meet violence with violence' stance, at what point is it acceptable to hit back in order to attempt to stop an attack?

You say you wouldn't do so and instead would get safe and call the police. Surely you are aware that isn't always an option. If someone attacks you and you can't diffuse / walk away because they are bigger, stronger and the aggressor, at what point does 'meeting violence with violence' in fact become self defence?

Or do you believe self defence is wrong if it could potentially harm the aggressor? I'm just really struggling to understand your logic on this.

I really hope @Bellaboo01 isn't a social worker or something similar. Imagine seeking help after being attacked by a family member, only to be told that you're at least equally at fault just because you instinctively defended yourself.

@Bellaboo01 I'm curious, if this had been a 25 year old adult punching an elderly lady in the stomach, would you still criticise her? Is your view of the situation purely due to the age of the attacker? In which case, perhaps consider where violent offenders come from and how a lack of consequences can feed into cycles of abuse.

Surely you can see how your reasoning is absurd if applied to other situations. Imagine a married couple. The man has been physically and verbally abusive for years. One day the woman hits back out of desperation. Is she now equally at fault???

@whatsitcalledwhen

Hear Hear with the way you succinctly put across a very valid insightful good points then,

Let's hear it from the @Bellaboo01 the male violence down player apologist recent spokesperson on here then
in regards of the interesting points you've made on here,@whatsitcalledwhen

👏👏👏

@Bellaboo01
Knowing that one punch can have potential to kill some one anyone if they stumble and crack their heads on the pavements or fire place at home or anywhere at home in the kitchen ect,

Do you know the world famous escapist artist and magician's Houndi was killed by a guy punching several times in the stomach rupturing perforated his stomach,

When are you allowed to fight back from someone who attacks you then ?

Is it one or few or several assaults /attacks then?

Are you even allowed in your skewed optics world way of thinking even allowed to use martial self defense to protect yourself from any male aggressiveness then ??

So essentially in your world way of 🤔 thinking mindset you have to be like someone with the hands tied behind their backs then,
another words,??

So essentially you are like a lamb to the 🦁 lion kind of situation

Yes i am all for thinking to a certain extant degree in a Holistic way such as ulitizing dire mental health service support and secondary school well being support whatever that is too,

looking at supporting family issues in Holistic ways with mental health services,

There obviously needs to be more youth clubs with enough variety of activities and good and better enough male role models too

How 🤔 do you think preventive work in regards of troubled teenagers males and one's at risk of joining gangs or being violent should be then?
What measures should be implemented then?

@WearyAuldWumman

so am I 💐

@Bellaboo01 I'm confused. Do you think the slap cancelled out the punch by the teenager? If the OP hadn't slapped him, would the outcome be different? Because I don't see how it makes what he did any better. I don't see how it changes that is a violent person. I don't see why the OP isn't still owed an apology. I don't see how it changes whether he deserves a present from the OP or not.

FYI -- The law actually doesn't allow you to 'reserve the right to hit back harder'!
I can assure you that in no way am i an enabler of male (or female) violence...quite the opposite.

But you are an apologist for violence against women. It's there in your own words.
The law allows for self-defence.

I really don’t phrase things beautifully when I’ve seen my arse so I understand. I know what you meant but I ran with it a bit. Sorry 🌺

FYI -- The law actually doesn't allow you to 'reserve the right to hit back harder'!

At the time of attack, it does. It does not allow me to call on him later and do him over.
This is because it is a 14 year old thug, not a naughty 4 year old.

Policewoman looks up at 14 year male:
' What was going on when Granny slapped you?'
' I had just shouted at her, swore at her and thumped her in the stomach...'

I completely agree, bad phrasing on my part. I guess I meant acting so unpredictably and frighteningly?

I would say that if her grandson was acting with such a loss of control that he punched his own grandmother in the stomach, she would have been sensible not to assume he would land one blow and then just stop.

I do agree.

But I don’t think he lost all control. He chose to pop his Nan instead of his brother.

Quite .