Fall out with Grandson

Perhaps it was "only" one punch because the op responded with a slap. Whose to say he would have stopped at one punch if she's stood there and said "now now that's not very nice, do you want a hot chocolate and a cuddle?"

Load of bullshit. He attacked her and she has the right to defend herself.

The fact the little shit hasn't apologised either - if he were my son and he attacked his grandmother like that he would never see his xbox again.

Bloody hell - we were all teenagers once, some of us is challenging households, and it was never ok to behave like that!!

If she just stood there and took it it’s quite likely he would have punched her again. Why wouldn’t he, if there was no immediate repercussion? Slapping him obviously made him stop - clearly self defence.

What sanctions did his parents impose on him for assaulting you, OP? Your post doesn't mention anything beyond them saying he would apologise.

If my DSS had punched his granny when he was a teen, he would have been grounded and not allowed any treats or privileges for months.

This. I am actually in shock. If I had done this to any relative as a child, my father would have marched me to the nearest police station. If my kids were to, I would be doing the same, and there would be no minimising of it. Their feet would not touch the floor.

@ByPeachSeal have you ever been a victim of assault? People react instinctively. Tell me, how was OP supposed to know the punch was the end of the assault? Honestly, you need to take a look at yourself and your posts on this thread, you're coming across as sanctimonious and quite frankly, stupid.

Absolutely this. My god. Don't write him letters and don't give gifts. Tell his parents to deal with him and his gaming issues.

It isn’t in question that, his behaviour was abhorrent, and I think ringing the police would be a good wake up call, but losing control and hitting a child is never okay.

The OP, an older woman, has been the victim of male violence. He probably really hurt her.
And you're wittering on about "a child".

This. What did his parents say? Why hasn't he apologised to you?

I would not give a gift.

Normal 14 year old boys do not go around punching women, this is horrendous and I'm so shocked as I imagine you were when you reacted with a slap. I have a 14yo and he's nearly 6ft. I don't think you owe him an apology and in fact I'd be demanding the parents get him to apologise to me.

There must be something more going on with him, what on earth are his parents doing allowing him to carry on like this? I have my 14yo son sat next to me right now all 6ft of him and he wouldn't dream of punching anyone, let alone his grandmother, he also doesn't swear at us even if he's a bit grumpy sometimes.

I would give him a present -as I’m sure DGM wants to get back to a good relationship as soon as possible - perhaps ask him what he wants,or ask his DM to ask him.
The relationship is prob more important to DGM than it is to him. Also he is prob embarrassed but won’t admit it so DGM should make the first move.

@Cicciabella

You are exactly the reason that this country is on its arse.

She didn't react because she was angry. If you are going to present yourself as the voice of reason in such a patronising, violent abuse excusing manner, at least stop being an idiot about it.

She reacted because it's an instinctual fear reaction to being attacked by a stronger assailant. Anger has nothing to do with it. It would actually be sheer terror.

You are an actual ghoul to be berating a victim of abuse like this from a position of utter idiocy.

I think my concern would be more for my adult child. Can you talk to the boy's parents on their own to find out what's going on? Are they struggling with their children? Can you help them find support-or at least just listen to their worries? It's not normal teenage behaviour to hit.

Have you ever been fearful or scared by male violence? As I've said, this is a 14 year old but 14 year olds are large and strong, yes a child in the brain but they are still big and you have no idea how you would react in response to being punched, and being aggressively screamed at.

I have been intimidated by male violence and I have reacted in the moment, usually cowering but sometimes instinctively lashing out to get them away from you.

OP I would not give a birthday gift.

You asked him to modify his behaviour, his brother provoked him and he punched you. You responded with a slap. I agree slapping him was not ideal but you have acknowledged that and apologised. He has yet to apologise to you and, in fact, he seems to hate you for whatever punishment his parents imposed on his for his violent behaviour. Far from being sorry he feels he's been wronged.There is pattern here where he does not take responsibility for his own actions. I think pandering to him by giving him a gift would only reinforce his belief that it's everyone else's fault.

At 14 he is old enough to know you do not hit people. I wonder if he would have punched you if you had been a well built man? I don't think so because he didn't even lash out at his brother who was the one who provoked him, not that that would have been acceptable, but he directed his anger at someone who had nothing to do with it. This in itself is concerning and reading some of the replies here I think we can see where some men get the idea that hitting women when they can't control their emotions is OK.

I would speak to his parents and ask them when an apology will be forthcoming. It maybe painful but I don't think you can do anything else to fix things until he accepts he was wrong and apologises.

I know he is your grandson but he is also a violent young man so please keep this in mind and prioritise your safety. You may think that's an overreaction but then a short while ago I doubt you would have thought he would punch you.

Your message is completely unfair and victim blaming. Yes he’s a child but he should know better. Absolving him of all responsibility is not doing him any favours.
The OP response wasn’t right but certainly understandable.

Are you for real

Oh dear? Are you joking. He punched his grandmother in the stomach. Her reaction was not wrong, it was a reaction to the violence being used against her. She's already apologised and she won't be the reason he gets depressed or goes on a downward spiral. The fact he thinks it's ok to swear at home and with relatives tells me there is something wrong with how he's being parented. The fact his parents haven't mentioned the violence used against his grandmother again tells me there is something very wrong with how he is being parented. No OP I would not buy him a gift. He doesn't deserve it.

What a horrible youngster . Who on earth punches their grandmother .

Whatever name you want to attach to it, it wasn’t okay.

It isn’t in question that, his behaviour was abhorrent, and I think ringing the police would be a good wake up call, but losing control and hitting a child is never okay.

If someone slaps me they should expect a consequence like a punch, it's because they expect to get away with it that they do it. Forget the brat's birthday too, another consequence of his behaviour.

It was a defensive slap to a 14 year old who is likely the size of a man. You are being ridiculous.

I too would never lay my hands on my child but to get a male teenager off you and to stop punching you, I have no idea how I would react as it would hopefully never happen.

Absolutely disgusting behaviour from your grandson, 14 is more than old enough to know right from wrong. I never would have sworn in the presence of my grandparents even.

I might be able to forgive pushing past me in a strop if a huge apology was offered but an actual punch, wtf? Especially since it was unprovoked! I would have nothing more to do with this lad for your own safety, you don't give any more context but please be reassured this is way beyond normal teenage behaviour (and I work with troubled teens).

And this is exactly how abusive men are enabled. No, he is 14 and likely the size of a man who physically assaulted his nan, it is NOT okay and I can't tell you how angry and disappointed I would be if my son did this. He would have apologised immediately and begged for forgiveness.