Fall out with Grandson

It’s all very well and good for PP to say you should remain calm but it’s not a choice.

If someone punches you in the stomach, potentially winding you, fight and flight will kick in. 14 year old lads can be big and strong too, it’s not the same as a toddler lashing out. OP also had an 8 year old to keep safe and no idea if it was a single punch or the start of an attack.

OP I would be speaking to his parents and asking them what’s been done to address his behaviour. Buying him a gift sends the signal it’s resolved/accepted and it shouldn’t be if he’s going around saying he hates you. He should be falling over himself to apologise, there is no excuse for punching you like that and it’s really worrying he’s using physical intimidation against family members.

When in my 20s I was mugged by two boys who were 13 and 14. I kicked one of them as hard as I could and I hit one of them in the face. Then I called the police.

I definitely do not regret ‘reacting with violence’. They were two teenagers, both taller than me, who had attacked me. I’m not a passive martyr. They still got away with the £20 I had in my pocket but I’m glad they learnt that there are consequences if you attack someone.

About a year later I discovered they were part of group of kids who were arrested and sent to a young offenders institution for a number of years for some much more serious crimes than the one against me. I hope they did well in custody and got whatever support they needed and turned their lives around one way or another and are now adults living a decent happy life away from whatever awful influences/abuses drove them to behave like that in the first place. But I don’t remotely regret clouting them.

I don't think there is any point in his parents making him apologise , at his age it needs to come from him and he needs to actually be sorry . I wouldn't withdraw his card and present either at this stage , he is obviously troubled ,but I wouldn't be making a lot of effort .

One of my boys punched me once. I was so shocked I didn’t punch him back. I absolutely bellowed at him to get out of the house. In my view it’s domestic violence and I wanted to report it to the police. DH talked me down and I didn’t but I made it very very clear that if there was ever a repeat I would press charges for assault and made it clear that he would then go on the dv register and that this would impact his choice of partner in the future. He’d have a criminal record and any partner worth their salt would not date anyone on the dv register.

There are very few places where I’m prepared to tolerate feeling unsafe and my home is definitely not one of them.

I cannot begin to contemplate the punishment I would dish out to my 14 year old for punching his granny.

In my sons, very slight, defence he is autistic (which is no exemption from criminal responsibility)

I don’t think that’s true or fair. I was a victim of dv and worse for over a decade. I’m timid and definitely scarred for life mentally and non violent. I would have slapped the male who did that to me, not from angry but from being utterly terrified and trying to defend myself without hurting the other person.

He’s a 14-year-old who punches women in the stomach when he’s told off for talking to her like dirt, not a toddler having a tantrum. Stop infantilising him.

He’s well over the age of criminal responsibility. What do you think would happen if he punched any other woman like that? He is not the victim here.

If I had a verbal altercation with a teenager in the street, and they punched me in the stomach, I would absolutely be defending myself physically.

A "child"? My DF was working at 14. If a 14 year old had punched me in the stomach he would have got a slap from me, and it would be a hard one. As for "she slapped because she was angry" - why did her GS punch her in the stomach, was that to defend himself?

There are some seriously disturbing responses on this thread. It's appalling how many are condoning violence and thinking that thuggish behaviour is acceptable. Some of you are not fit to raise children.

He punched her in the stomach?! It was automatic reaction to slap him back as self defense.

The parents are utterly disgusting to have not addressed it there and then, that would unforgivable to me. If either of my boys did that to my mum or mil they would bloody live to regret it.

Are you off your tits?

That’s truly an awful post, one of the worst ever on mn.

He punched his granny in the stomach fgs.

Omg he punched his granny in the stomach. That’s terrible, I hope you were not in too much pain.

If my son had ever done that to my mum, or any female, I would have hit the roof, he’d have been grounded for a year and the blasted games console that caused it would have been put in the bin. I lived with domestic violence for years so very timid and I would have also slapped him. Well actually if a male hit me anywhere I think I’d react appalling after my past as I have a lot of issues still.

How have the parents punished him and addressed this? Not the case for all I know but many years later from grandparents I discovered my violent ex had also been uncontrollable and violent towards them as a teen. I had no idea but it explained a lot as he had never been taught you can’t do that to others however you are feeling.

Also sorry this could cause a rift as you certainly were not the one doing anything wrong. I’d let him know you love him, obviously, as it’s possible he’s feeling ashamed afterwards and doesn’t know the feeling and what to do. I’d give him a nice card and some money and tell him you love him, this is for his parents to address before he properly hurts someone else or hits the wrong person and he’s hurt himself.

I difficult to comprehend isn't it. Are there parents out there who think that the rest of the world will carry on enabling their children to avoid consequences for bad behaviour. Failure to address violent behaviour actually endangers their children. Or perhaps they are totally OK with weekly prison visits.

My 4 grandchildren are all young adults.

3 boys and 1 girl.

They have never even sworn at me, let alone raised a hand to me.

If one of them punched me, I would lamp them straight back.

I’ve never allowed a man to raise his hand to me - no way would I allow a grandson to.

Mind you, if they had ever assaulted me, my DD and SIL would have gone nuts as well.

The OP was quite justified in what she did - and I certainly wouldn’t be buying him gifts or cards, at the moment.🙄

He needs to understand the gravity of what he did, and take the consequences.

Reading some of these posts, it’s easy to see why we seem to have so many aggressive, self entitled teenagers about.🙄

One punch can and does sometimes kill people.

Regarding a present, I would use his birthday money as a donation to Womens Aid and let him and the familiy know why. His behaviour really needs addressing and op has done nothing wrong. I do wonder if he beats up on the 8 year old.

Seriously?? Did you miss the part where he punched her in the stomach??

There is something wrong with the world when kids are allowed to behave however they like, including physical violence, and people like you think this is okay.

You can't be serious - the kid punched his gran in the stomach. What a horrible post for you to write. You come across as having serious issues yourself.

I agree.
Both of my sons are married with daughters of their own.
If I thought for one minute that either of them had raised their hands to their wives, daughters or any other females, it would be me calling the police and having them locked up.

What's wrong with children nowadays is parents like

@Cicciabella and @ByPeachSeal

That's what's wrong.

He get more than a slap if he was my son. And you apologised? I would be phoning the police!!
This behaviour needs nipping in the bud ASAP. What's wrong with children nowadays?
I have several sons and yes they could be lippy and fight amongst themselves but punch their grandmother? Never in a million years

Sadly it would appear that @ByPeachSeal only has daughters, from a previous post she states she would've been disappointed to have boys.

But just imagine what she's teaching her daughters, accept male violence, no need to defend yourself from a punch, it's only an issue if it's a sustained attack.

Honestly, this is why some women blame themselves for the fact their partners hit them and stay in violent relationships.

Can you imagine the utter despair at saying to your mother when you are 14 that your boyfriend punched you in the stomach and her saying you shouldn't have defended yourself, there was no need to. In that moment you've taught your daughter to accept violence.

Shocking

This thread certainly shows us the evolution of violent men. They start out as violent teenagers and have parents like some of the posters here who'd rather soothe the aggressive little fuckers than make them face up to the consequences of violent behaviour.

OP did the boy a favour by slapping him (no doubt instinctively) after he punched her. He’s the kind of child that will one day take his anger out on the wrong person, someone who could really hurt him or even kill him, so better he learns now that if he’s violent people can and indeed will hit back.

As to how to move forward, it’s difficult. His parents should really be dealing with this and it seems they haven’t or won’t.

I am utterly shocked that people are defending this 14 year olds vile actions....lets hope he does it to someone else who gives him a bloody good hiding....thats all that will stop this vile thug.

His behaviour was awful. I really hope that his parents have apologised properly to you.

I would ask them if they would like you to give him a gift in the circumstances. It could be that there are explanations for his behaviour that, while not excusing it, would cast it in a slightly different light. If he is being badly bullied and hates himself, I think you would want him to know that you still care.

Are you on glue?

He punched her and she reacted in self defence and yet she is the one in the wrong and needs to apologise to him?

Further to this, if he spirals into self harm and suicide then it’s her fault?

Wild. Absolutely wild.