Fall out with Grandson

I really hope @Cicciabella 's post was trolling and not genuine. Jesus I can't believe what I just read, victim blaming and shaming a Grandmother who's 14 year old grandson just punched her in the stomach?!

When I was 7 in the school playground a boy punched me in the guts really hard, it sodding HURT. So after I got up off the ground after he flattened me with the punch I got up and kicked him in the balls. Guess what? It was ME that was dragged off to the Head's office and told to ''just get over it'' while absolutely nothing was done about the abuser ''because he's just a little boy''.

I fully agree with you 100%.

I saw him yesterday when I visited their house. I said hello and asked how he was? He ignored me and told his brother he hates me.

Did his parents witness that? If so, what did they say?

I wanted to check to see if @Cicciabella was a MRA / troll before engaging so did an AS.

She works in a school. Words fail me, truly.

People with your approach to violence like this are the reason boys who are abusive grow into men who are abusive.

Terrifying you work in a school environment.

I don't know what's scarier, the idea of you having boys or the idea of you having girls.

Good luck when your 17 year old directs the violence you've previously enabled at you.

I absolutely would not give him as much as a card so OP YANBU

However, this is all very disturbing. A few words about confiscating an X box from little brother was enough to result in this 14 year old punching you in the stomach!!! I find it appalling and would not apologise again for what was no doubt a reflexive slap in the face of shock and pain.

In fact I wouldn't be mentioning the slap anymore as this nasty little shit has obviously decided what you did is what everyone must focus on - and is ignoring you as a manipulative tactic.

I cannot quite believe the parents reaction didn't have him at your door grovelling and telling you how wrong he was, instead he is allowed to ignore you and for the assault on you to not be taken seriously.

Shit parenting all around!

You poor thing, I'm sorry you're in this position.

It sounds like he is completely out of control and whilst I strongly disagree with hitting children, I also completely understand you're reaction. It's horrendous that he attacked you.

Ultimately, he is still a child. His parents need to intervene and get to the root cause of this anger.

You did the right thing by apologising as you are the adult but he should have said sorry too.

I can understand you not wanting to buy him a present. Could you put money in an account for him? That way he doesn't get it but also doesn't miss out as hopefully this issue with be resolved.

Disgusting comment. As are also all the violence against women apologists on thsi thread. Possibly the same person with different usernames. Yuk. A 14 year old assaulted his own grandmother. I have never heard of someone doing this! These parents had better be on to this one, before he starst punching his girlfriends around or punching the wrong guy who may break every bone in his body. He has anger management problems and it needs to be dealt with swiftly.

I guess punched grandmother isn't coming back then.

Did you wake up this morning thinking you'd chastise a granny for being an inadequate punchbag?

He punched her in the stomach, his own grandmother and you think she should write to him begging his forgiveness?
Seriously??
No wonder some men grow up to.think it's ok to assault women!

The more I reread @Cicciabella post as everyone quotes it, the more angry I'm getting. I seriously hope that poster is a deluded MRA on here to wind us all up (sadly it's working) but if not, what a terrible attitude to have with regard to violence, and won't do the lad any good at all long term.

He PUNCHED YOU IN THE GUTS?

If that's what this vile brat is like at 14 I dread to think what he'd be like at 28. He's a wife beater in the making.

You did right to hit him back. Don't apologize for being a victim, Don't ever buy him any gifts ever again. Avoid the vicious psycho as much as possible. He's already proving to be a danger to females.

What a load of utter codswallop !! A 14 year old boy punched his grandmother in the stomach and you think she should be the one to apologise to him for her surprised reaction ? He’s clearly not frightened of anything or anyone if he’s behaving like this and from what OP says they’re on the brink of a more serious problem as he gets older, if they don’t get control of this now.

You might work with teens at the sharp end of neglect but this is not that and you clearly don’t recognise the difference.

@Cicciabella so there's no comeback or consequences on a 14 year old lad who punched his grandmother first???

His was deliberate, hers was a reflex.

If he's allowed to do this at 14, what will he be doing at 18-20?

Surely this is a conversation you should be having with your son/daughter?
Ask them what happened when they got home, ask them why he feels it’s your fault rather than him taking any responsibility for his behaviour.
Ask them what they think you should do regarding the upcoming birthday?
And don’t ever have him stay over again… that level of violence shouldn’t be tolerated from a teenager ! He’s a violent threat to you!

This is peak mumsnet.

A 14 year old boy is incredibly strong and often as large as a woman.

He PUNCHED her in the stomach.

Her slapping him as a reaction is completely understandable and your suggestions will just show him that violence against women is okay.

He actually needed a serious intervention from his father and/or other men in the family.

Sorry in advance for what I'm going to say.
But if a 14 year old punched me he'd have a slap back.
What if he done this to someone else do you think they would just take it from him I think not.
I'd have words with the parents and he can get fuck all gifts.
He's supposed to a young man but choosing to hit women his own nan.
Im all out of fucks to give when it comes to idiots.

If he punches a girl at school, is she allowed to defend herself, or should she "calmly step away and diffuse"?

If, in later life, he punches his wife, is she allowed to defend herself, or should she "calmly step away and diffuse"?

As others have said, he's 14, not 4, and for him to use violence is utterly unacceptable, and he needs to start learning that, ASAP. I'm very anti-violence, but if you use violence against others, they have a right to defend themselves. Other people are not a punching bag that you can use to work through your emotions.

My 14-year-old son is 6 foot 2 and built and I dread to think of the damage he could do if he punched an elderly woman. Luckily he wouldn't because that is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR.

You need to speak to your daughter/son (whoever the parent of this GS is) about this, because a) he really does need to apologise to you and I am shocked that he hasn't and b) he clearly has serious behavioural issues which need addressing. It's not your responsibility to address them, but I'd make it clear that you won't be inviting him (in fact, either child) to your house again if there's the slightest risk of further violent behaviour.

I can only assume some PPs have not read the ages properly and have assumed toddlers/small children because I'm amazed you're being told you were wrong and even that you should get a gift!

A 14 year old, presumably not far off the size of a grown man has punched his own grandmother in the stomach? This is horrifying. Of course you shouldn't get him a gift or have to apologise.

Honestly what is wrong with his parents? They go to pick up their child and find out he punched his grandmother in the stomach who then apologises because she slapped him and they are not horrified? Their response is just that he would apologise the next day? Then they say nothing about it ever again and allow him to ignore you and say he hates you?

He sounds like he needs some serious professional help as I really don't think that's anywhere near normal teenage behaviour.

You did nothing wrong. He assaulted you, you gave a defensive slap. Youd be daft to allow it to continue. The parents should have dealt with it and made him apologise to you. They've left it undealt with, and now it's manifested into anger towards you. I'd take a step back and leave them to it. I would say there's a card when they visit. If they don't come for a month, then take the money out and spend it. I have a horrible feeling that teenage boy is going to end up with behavioural issues. It could have all been avoided if they disciplined him better.

What an absolutely disgusting boy. He should be very ashamed of himself and I would make it very clear that unless he grovels and addresses his vile behaviour where he punched an older lady in the stomach, he will never be welcome at your house again.
Those defending him, would you defend someone’s male partner doing this? It’s unforgivable and 14 is completely old enough to know right from wrong. I and virtually everyone I know managed to grow up without ever ever physically attacking out grandparents (or parents for that matter).

If one of my kids did this to my MIL I expect she would slap them! Or be devastated. No way would it go unpunished

Not sure why people are focusing on the apology. “It’s ok to hit women if you apologise afterwards” is hardly the lesson here (although it’s one that plenty of violent and abusive men seem to learn).

For a teenager to punch his granny in the stomach is so far outside what’s acceptable that it needs specialist intervention. The nice way is with a psychologist. The less nice way is with the police.

I wonder whether people focusing on who apologises to whom are approaching this as parents of much smaller children. I’m the mum of a teenage boy who’s 6’2”- if he punched an elderly lady in the stomach there’s a reasonable chance he’d kill her. It’s really important that the parents respond adequately to what’s happened and do not brush it under the carpet. I hate to say it but I also wonder whether there’s violence in the home more generally.