Fall out with Grandson

Hmm

I'd think there is a lot more going on than is seen here.

I mean, I'm reasonably tough, and my ds isn't particularly strong for his age, but if he'd punched me in the stomach at 14yo then I wouldn't have been up to slapping him for a good few minutes -and I doubt he'd have stayed around for me to do it.

Then we've got that his reaction was to the younger boy rather than granny. So you'd expect him to have been the victim not her.

I think he needs someone from outside the family to hear him out and untangle his thoughts and finding out what is really going on with him. He may be a nasty little thug as many are saying, but equally well he could be a scared miserable child whose experience is meaning he isn't reacting in an age appropriate way.

A gift? For punching her in the stomach? She should've called the police!

You're joking right? Yes she should not have hit him but I totally understand her shock reaction to being punched in the stomach so no that is not the issue here. He is not just behaving because she hit him back, he was already misbehaving but somehow you are trying to minimize his behavior and make it all about OP.

The fact his parents didn't react more strongly to him hitting his grandmother says a lot to me and the fact they haven't really done anything about it makes me wonder what goes on behind close doors in their home.

Write him a letter saying you made a bad mistake. When he us ready lay the future open for possible contact

This is ridiculous advice and serious pandering and you are telling your grandson that he has done nothing wrong. Yes she needs to address hitting him but that has to come with him directly acknowledging they he should never ever hit anyone not to talk or a women then not to talk or his own grandmother. You don't start OP writing about how she made a bad mistake, seriously? And we wonder why he is turning out to be so feral?

@LadySmurf I would probably give him a birthday card to leave the door open but his parents need to be more proactive and in resolving this not taking the easy way out and pretending nothing is going on.

A 14 year old boy punching his grandmother in the stomach is not a fall out OP, or a child being 'naughty'. This is a young male, who if he isn't already, will in a short time be a physically formidable and dangerous force. Yet somehow has not yet leaned to control his anger and violent impulses and attacks his own grandmother. Do not apologise for defending yourself. Do not make this your responsibility to sort as the adult. His parents need to address this with urgency before another violent and abusive man is out there hurting women.

So much victim blaming.

This is appalling!

Why are you blaming the OP - AND laying any future issues at her door?

I can imagine what my reflexes would do if I were punched.

This is NOT family neglect unless there is much more to it from his actual parentts

He sounds a monster. But teenage boys can be at times. You absolutely shouldn't apologise. He should be apologising to you more like. Ignore him. I agree with shame on his parents. Accepting this appalling behaviour.

The fact his parents haven't punished your grandson or forced him to honour the promised apology smacks of shit parenting. I would be utterly horrified if my son thought it was acceptable to punch his grandmother in the stomach. What a nasty, violent little thug.
Have you brought this up with them since? Do they still bring your younger grandson round? This is a situation that needs to be properly addressed by everyone.

Re the present: he absolutely should not receive one. You'd be doing a disservice if you gave him one, essentially rewarding his awful behaviour.

Where I grew up, a teenage boy who punched his grandmother would receive a severe beating from male family members.

I'm not saying this is a workable approach in modern UK (although possibly you'd have less antisocial little shits tormenting society), but neither is a grovelling apology from the assault victim for daring to react to said assault in the heat of the moment.
Or are we actually WANTING to have a society full of violent, entitled thugs?

If it were that easy, there would be a care home on every street.

OP, I'm not sure which of the parents is your own child but they are bringing up a thug. I can't imagine that they would listen to what you've told them and not immediately take steps to make their child apologise - and also punish him appropriately.

I wouldn't buy him a present, nor a card, and I would speak to his parents again to say that I was disappointed in my own response but more so his outright aggression to a grandparent. Unacceptable and they should hear that. Their other child is welcome to visit at any time.

I'm not generally in favour of distancing from family but what family is this? I couldn't be passive about it as I wouldn't feel comfortable with eldest grandson having his violence parent-sanctioned.

I'm really sorry for you, this is absolutely shocking and you didn't deserve any of it.

I agree and I'd have called the police for good measure. He knows full well what he did. Buying him presents after he's punched an elderly women in the stomach, yeah right. He's a spoilt brat and a thug who needs serious consequences.

What's wrong with people like this? Is this the parents of men who grow up to batter fuck out of their partners?

JFC.

Are you for real?

14 year olds can be huge, my brother was tiny at that age but my cousin is 6ft tall. A lot of posters are hanging on the fact he's 14 but it could have been like taking a punch from a full grown man! In any case it was so far over the line I don't think anyone should be blaming OP for slapping him. There is mention of behavioural issues, I wonder what this entails exactly? I think it could be an important detail to determine the next course of action.

If a 14yo boy punched me I’d call the police, not buy him a gift.

Do you agree that a 14 year old knows the difference between right and wrong?

Even if you gave him he benefit of the doubt and accept he lashed out in a moment of fury you would surely expect him to realise later that what he had done was wrong and apologise. Far from apologising he has ignored the person he violently assaulted and asked his younger siblings to relay the message that he hates his grandmother. His behaviour is appalling and you are suggesting its up the assaulted person to build bridges.

WTF is wrong with you? It's domestic violence and there are no excuses.

You should report this assault to the police. This little psycho will get to know the police quite well in the years to come.

What a horrible situation and completely understand your reaction. It's definitely not ok.

My advice would be to send a card and token present- maybe some chocolate or something small. In the card I would say you will always love him even though his recent actions really shocked and upset you. Hopefully that puts the ball in his court for an apology.

I remember my mum saying I won't always like you but I will always love you and I think that's what you need to get across to him.

Do you know what, if any, punishment his parents imposed? I think his continuing refusal to talk to you is probably because he's blaming you for that. I don't think he'll be traumatised by you slapping him. He was completely wrong in how he behaved, although your reaction was also wrong. I wouldn't want to give him a birthday present while he won't even talk to you about what happened.

So far as I'm concerned, being punched in the stomach on next to no provocation would make things irreparable. I'd expect his parents to get rid of the xBox altogether, since that's clearly so important to him he'll hit someone at the suggestion of going without it for a week, I'd want an apology and after that I'd want never to set eyes on the little shit again.

Not a chance he would be getting a present. I’d be reluctant to have him in my home.

He’s a horrible little thug.

@DoreenonTill8 No I quoted the wrong post 🤦🏻‍♀️ I did apologise a bit further up this thread. I meant to quote Cicciabella's post.

He’d be on the street then.

I’m trying to imagine what my dad would have done if my brother had punched my nan. I think he would have crippled him. I wouldn’t have blamed him either.