Fall out with Grandson

The future looks bleak for him sadly. His parents are doing him a great disservice if he is not heavily disciplined for this. Reality looms and people will be pressing charges if he behaves like this again. Which he will as I suspect the bad behaviour he's using is a very effective form of control.

Goodness OP, the way your Grandson treated you is upsetting to read. You need to stop apologising to him, he needs to learn that this sort of behaviour is completely unacceptable. He is 14 years old and not far from beginning to have relationships. If this behaviour is not stopped He will grow up believing this is an acceptable way to behave and could become a domestic abuser. My son is only a toddler but I am horrified at the thought he would go on to hit my mother or mother in law in the future. A slap in response was not ideal but I can't say I really blame you when a fourteen year old has punched you in the stomach so stop apologising to him.

Well granny hasn't come back to us, so I'm somewhat wary.

OP has vanished.

I think you need to really think what you want for the future. I think if u get him a present, then id make it an icebreaker. Boxing gloves and a punchbag? See if it gets conversation started

Its outrageous that he did this, but it's also really extreme behaviour that id be concerned FOR him as well as angry and upset.

I would expect that you're not the only one he has assaulted. Hes gone defensive, and his parents are not taking it as seriously as id expect.
I dont know if id want to burn bridges or not, but i think you probably need to look at all the other variables.
Sometimes violent teenage boys can turn a corner with support. I would definitely take a step back from them for safety

You are being very unreasonable in accepting this from your grandson. He punched you in the stomach. That's an assault and if he did it to someone else they'd contact the police. Which is a possibility for you but might blow your family apart, so I can see why you might not do it. But what next? He punches you on the jaw? Gives you a good slapping because he doesn't like something you've said? His parents are keeping him away from you - that's safeguarding for you. He's fourteen, he's physically adult in all but experience - some cultures, some times, would have seen him as a man. So adjust your thinking. You can't get your baby boy back. He's a violent, potentially dangerous young man. Perhaps he'll settle down, but even so I wouldn't trust him at all.

Honestly I think the gift/no gift thing is the least of the issue. From what his little brother said, it seems like its not the first time for this kind of behaviour and his parents aren't managing it well. Can I suggest that you talk to his parents about what is going on?....and yes I agree your reaction is completely understandable.

Tbh if my child punched my mother I would not be annoyed at my mother for giving a slap across the face, obviously unless they were very young. It was a quick reaction, more of a reflex really and not one I would blame you for. I would on the flip side be hugely mortified if my child did that to anyone let alone an older family member.

At his age he should know better and needs to learn that he can't go around being violent to people and not have any consequences. Perhaps his silence is out of guilt/damaged ego.

For those criticising the OP for slapping her GS back - it is normal to react like this in the shock of being assaulted. I have been on the receiving end of aggression like this and I can tell you, you don't know how you are going to react when it happens, you can't control you reaction and it is completely normal to lash out defensively.

It is so so inappropriate to 'blame the victim' here by criticising the OP; she has nothing to apologise for or to be ashamed of. Her GS and his parents on the other hand.....they are doing him no favours by indulging his behaviour like this.

Has OP been back? It is half term...

Oh, and - no present. To give him a present now just serves to continue to sweep this incident under the rug, something which should NEVER be done with physical attack. Had you received a sincere apology this would probably be behind you by now. But he hasn't, his parents haven't - you cannot reward this by pretending to be unaffected.

Are you for real??
I don't smack or hit my kids but if they punch anyone I expect them to get it back to be honest. Real time consequences there. No it's not great behaviour from either party but he assaulted his grandparent. Get a grip.

Did you miss the part where a teenage boy punched a (presumably) older person in the stomach, for the "crime" of asking him to stop swearing?!
Frankly, if all he got was a slap round the face, he got off lightly.

Your response is what is wrong with the world today.

How has it got to the point where a month has passed and you haven't had at least one, if not many serious conversations with your son or daughter (whichever is the GS's parent) about his behaviour and what is going on with him and what their plans are for helping him to grow into a decent human being.

If he lashes out like that now and doesn't change his ways, he will likely end up either beaten up or dead, in prison or as an adult abuser.

What have I just read?

He punched you in the stomach. Why are you and his parents minimising this assault? Because that's what it is, assault. A 14-year old boy already has considerable upper-body strength, more than an adult woman - and he used his strength to punch his grandmother.

In reaction, you slapped him. REACTION. REFLEX. I very much doubt you hurt him as much as his assault hurt you. Not ideal, but then real life when you're under attack rarely is.

What punishment did his parents levy for this assault? Any? Have they apologised on his behalf?

There is too much focus on you slapping him after he punched you, and not nearly enough on a teenaged boy feeling able to punch women with no consequences. It's really not in his best interests to go into adulthood thinking he can punch women (and girls?) with impunity.

He sounds like a brat, I wouldn’t give him a present, he doesn’t deserve one

This.

On balance, I think I would send a small gift, maybe a book.

They should ALL be begging you for your forgiveness.

14 year olds (boys), should not be punching their granny.

The consequences should be on them.

Disgraceful.

WTAF?

@ByPeachSeal - as other posters have said - how was @LadySmurf supposed to know that it was 'only one punch' and not the start of a sustained attack? Maybe, by slapping him, she shocked him enough to prevent him hitting her again.

How would you feel if one of your daughters was assaulted by their boyfriend, and you learned that the young man concerned had a history of assaulting people, including older relatives, and nothing had been done to stop him? Would you be telling your daughter that she was wrong to slap the man who had just punched her?

And even if it was just one punch, that one punch, from a 14 year old, could have done massive damage - even life threatening damage - and yet you think that the OP is wrong for how she reacted - words fail me.

I wouldn't even give a second thought to the smack, to be honest. If one of my children - never mind a grandchild!! - punched me (!!!), I would rain hell down upon them. You responded with very natural shock to defend yourself and have NOTHING to apologise for.

I would separate the punch and the gift.

He clearly has anger issues. He is expressing that he is not happy about something by being angry. That is childish behaviour that for some reason survived until this age. As is, unfortunately, the case with lots of adult men. I would try to get him and the family help and hopefully turn his life into better direction . /Any chance of him being ND? Any noticable reason why does he get angry this much? Any particular reason why he was angry on this occasion?/

I'd still give him a gift. Perhaps not a big or expensive one, but still one that shows that you, as an adult in his life, care.

Hahahahahah!

This is one of the worst things I've read on here. @LadySmurf has he grown up in an abusive home do you think? Have you been abused yourself? You seem to have taken it very calmly, whereas many people - me included - would have spoken to the police, and taken a very very strong line with his parents. And honestly, it's not too late to do so, even just to have it recorded with the police that he attacked you.

Have you spoken directly to your child about this? Punching your grandmother in the stomach at 14 is the action of a young man who is going to go on to hurt and possibly kill a future partner. I don't think anybody here can overstate what a dangerous sign this is. Either he is being abused at home, or there is something wrong with him, and whichever it is, it needs action.

This is not the time to be thinking about presents. You need to be thinking about the police. And certainly never being alone with the boy again.