Fall out with Grandson

Can you tell me why the OP should accept NOT getting an apology but she should apologise to him? Explain your thinking behind this. Are you a man?

So don't apologise then! If you're not sorry then don't apologise. Don't apologise and then when they don't accept then withhold a birthday gift.

It sounds like OP hasn't actually approached the parents or the child again and is just being passive aggressive. Say it to them instead.

Jeez that is terrible news. No wonder schools have such issues.

He is old enough to be charged with assault, old enough to know what he’s doing and that it’s not acceptable. There may be underlying issues that need addressing and he may need help and support to manage his emotions, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that what he did was wrong. He’s 4 years away from being an adult- what excuses would you make for him then?

Oh and "Mum said if you’re naughty they’ll take away your Xbox for a week”.

If that induced that reaction from my child, he wouldn't see the Xbox for a month minimum. I'd question 1) how addicted he is and 2) what he is playing on it to solicit such a violent response.

The number of parents who think playing shooting games for 3 hours every day is fine is absolutely nuts.

This is a truly shocking post. Please do not acknowledge his birthday but do have it out with his parents. What on earth possesses a 14 year old to punch his grandmother??

Any normal parent would be horrified if their child behaved in this way and would be questioning their parenting. Makes me wonder what is going on at home.

Violence shouldn't be met with violence though. That's how wars start and gangs develop.

Concern, support, and discussion of boundaries will work where rejection and anger never will. No parenting expert would suggest most of what posters are saying on here. Alienation leads to increased alienation and resentment.

What the hell have I just read. If this is real, and I really hope it's not, I'd not be getting him a gift, and I'd be telling his parents he needs to apologise in writing before we'd have contact again. He sounds like he's on his way to becoming an unhinged and violent man. He needs at least one person (you) to send the message to him that this behaviour is absolutely unacceptable.

A struggling teen needs to know that violence has consequences.

He is a troubled teen and OP is a grown woman. While I understand that in the shock of the moment, a slap back would be the first impluse, it really shouldn't have happened. I'm not saying I might not have done the same, but I would have deeply regretted it.

Regardless of his behaviour which should have resulted in sanctions applied by his parents, I feel it is very wrong to deprive him of a birthday present. He is still a child, still deserving of love and birthday presents should be unconditional, since they are an expression of love / care.

Prioritise relationship over behaviour. A struggling teen needs to know his family are still there for him.

WTAF. You're telling me that if you were punched you would not have reacted in any way?

Giving him a slap is not "family neglect" it is a consequence of punching someone without warning.

OP, you reacted as a lot of people would have done in the same circumstances and then apologised to your grandson for that reaction, you have done nothing wrong here.

I would let your grandson know that you love him but really dislike his behaviour.

He's currently sulking because he didn't think you would react the way that you did and on top of that he then got into trouble with his parents (Hopefully). What you have taught him is that actions have consequences.

It would probably kill me to do it, but I would now try to continue as normal and be the bigger person. Send him a birthday card and gift, treat him as you always would. He made a mistake and should not be punished indefinitely for it.

Slapping or hitting someone can be an instinctive self protection action to being PUNCHED

It's totally understandable that an unexpected punch yo the gut would illicit an immediate safety reaction.

He's nearly a man, and he PUNCHED an older woman - HIS NAN, in the stomach!!!

No more apologising for the slap. He bloody well deserved it, it was an instinctive defensive reaction to an act of violence that I imagine was probably painful as well as frightening, and he would have got a lot worse if he'd done it to another boy at school. You apologised once, rightly, but now it's his turn. Or rather, his parents' turn to kick his arse into gear.

I knew some right wasters and scallies when I was at school, but I can't think of anyone I know of who punched their nan.

Utter nonsense that you were told he would apologise the next day. Not that my children would have behaved like this but if they had they would have told to apologise then, send a card and use pocket money to send flowers.

Buy a gift but maybe not as much as you would normally spend if that sits better with you.

Absolutely this ^^

This is bonkers. The OP reacted to violence and while she should have been calmer, it is not her fault to protect herself against violence from a 14 year old male. She has apologised while the teen hasnt and has indulged in self-pity and blaming others. His behaviour is totally unacceptable.

He was out of order and I would be very concerned that he’s seen this violence against his mother in his own home! You reacted badly hitting him back but I can understand you reacted badly .
I would try to talk to him and apologize to him for hitting you , he won’t apologize to you probably but may in time .His parents should seek advice maybe on coping with violent behavior and get him some help before this escalates .

Exactly, he's already a vile child. At 14 no one is changing him. If his immediate reaction wasn't remorse and crying in shock with his reaction, then it's already too late for him.

Wow this must be a joke. Sending him money for punching you. No wonder teens today are earning the title of being vile. And these rotten children grow up becoming adults who think the world owes them something. You can have a chat with your GC without bribing him.

@ByPeachSeal You don’t seem to understand. She didn’t need to defend herself. She reacted because she was angry, not because she needed to defend herself.

And how was she supposed to KNOW it was only going to be one punch? How was she supposed to know he wasn't going to keep on hitting her more??

Have you ever been in a proper fight with a full grown male? Known the fear of someone taller and stronger than you starting to attack you? It's terrifying and I don't blame her at ALL for a visceral, instinctive slap to ward him off. Who knows, maybe if she hadn't done that, he WOULD have kept punching her!! You can't say he wouldn't!

I think he deserved that slap.
Rotten child to even think of punching his grandmother. But given the amount of apologists on here, no wonder so many children are so vile today.
Op don't go chasing after him.

Can't believe he wasn't made to apologise straight away by his parents.

I wouldn't be going to the house when he's there as I wouldn't feel safe.

Last time you saw him he ignored you & told his brother that he hates you.

I wouldn't be giving a gift.

I’m a gran and this is what I would do. I would send a card and a gift voucher for £25. I would put a separate letter in an envelope in the card. Dear Grandson. I am very sorry that we have fallen out. I should not have lost my temper and hit you. I reacted without time to think because I was so shocked that you had punched an older woman and sworn at me. You are a young man now and if you go around punching people who are not attacking you, you will soon be in serious trouble with the police. This is the last thing I want as I’m your Gran and I care about you. I hope we can put this behind us now and we can both learn from it. Have a happy birthday, Granny

This is terible advice. He's not far off an age where he might have a girlfriend, the message about using violence is absolutely vital and that message will not land with a gift voucher and grovelling from the older woman he has assaulted.

I'm sorry OP but I wouldn't be giving him a present either. He's 14 not 4, he completely crossed the line when he punched you and tbh, it feels like everyone is minimising this. Even the title of your post is misleading, you haven't fallen out with your grandson, he assaulted you. The fact that his parents have not made him apologise, and apparently not punished him either, speaks volumes. He may well be dealing with other issues - I would bet money on it - but punching you in the stomach is completely unacceptable and inexcusable.