Fall out with Grandson

Please tell me you are being ironic 🙄

Some of these people are on another planet !! He punched his grandmother in the stomach and she's to talk to him calmly ??!! Away to feck!??
That's outrageous and and needs high high level addressing in the family.
No bloody presents for a start and his parents need to deal with this strongly.
Jesus, you poor woman . I hope you are ok. I'd keep my distance or never be alone with him until this was resolved.

Fuck me some of these comments leave me completely lost for words!
having a 14 year old son who is the size of some men, I can honestly see how utterly terrifying it must have been to have him punch you in the stomach op.
You reacted involuntarily and I’m sure it’s eating you up but you cannot change it.
He would not be getting a present, he would be getting arrested for assault.

I do wonder where some people think abusive men come from. They don't just wake up at 25 and decide they'll start hitting women.

The OP knows that slapping him wasn't great - she acknowledged and apologised for it. It wasn't a thought through action, but an instinctive reaction to being physically assaulted by someone likely of a similar or larger size and likely stronger.

What have the parents said since this happened? As you can see from posters on here, there will be some "nobody hits my child and gets away with it". Which I have sympathy for. But had my 14 year old (6 foot tall and 10 stone) punched my MIL (5 foot 4 and 7 1/2 stone) her slapping him would not be what I was angry about.

I don't know what I would advise you to do now as it feels such a bonkers situation. It does feel like the kind of thing that could be the start of a complete relationship breakdown. Which I am sure you want to avoid. However I would not be buying gifts for someone who punched me, showed no remorse and said he hated me. Do you have any other adult children or a partner who can speak to your son/daughter to try and understand their perspective? How was your relationship previously as you have mentioned the 14 year old being difficult?

I feel like I need to reply to this again. You do know that it's ok to not put up with violence against you don't you? Even if it is a family member. OP would have every right to never see him again if she so wished.

You haven’t at one point addressed his behaviour-he is 14 not 8
Of course no one should slap a teenagers face but it can be a reaction to fear
The op obviously feels bad and upset about the situation with her grandson and wants to make amends and yet you have just put the boot in further

Didn't you read the bit where HE punched her in the stomach first!!!

Well said.

'I think give a gift but at some stage sit him down alone and explain that punching people and shouting and swearing is not good, ask for an apology and then give a big hug when he does apologise and then let that be an end to it.'

Were he 2, this would be the answer.

You really need to ask that? Uh maybe he would learn that people won't put up with his violent behaviour family or not. I can't believe that needs to be said.

Also, it's not up to the OP to sort him out. His parents need to do their job. It looks like they're too late though, this needs serious intervention but they clearly can't be arsed seeing as he's already snubbed OP and he'll likely have his hands out now looking for presents. Absolutely outrageous behavious.

When the young man said he hates his grandma, that is likely to mean love. Love and hate are closely connected.

I suppose a punch in the stomach is the same as a hug then?

You were violently attacked in your own home in front of an impressionable small child.

I don't think gift giving would be top of my priority.

I think I would have contacted the parents and demand they collect their children because you're considering taking the incident to the police.

And the smack? You were in shock and defending yourself.

This.

When I was hurt at work, the perpetrator proceeded to punch the two men who came to my assistance. He was having fun.

(He later claimed that he was a victim.)

And people like you are the reason that male violence continues.

We teach children from when they are tiny that they shouldn't hit others. If a 14-year-old doesn't know that he shouldn't punch his grandmother, then something has gone very wrong in his upbringing.

His violence has already escalated.

It wouldn’t be sending money for punching me, it would be acknowledging his birthday despite him punching me and also pointing out that his behaviour was shocking and could get him in trouble with the police. Perhaps she could also say if it ever occurs again she will not hit him but will report the assault. Btw , if my teenaged grandson punched me I think I would be seriously injured.I’m over 70 and he’s much stronger than me.

Bollocks.

@Anonymouseposter

What do you think he would learn from the grandmother not acknowledging his birthday and continuing to ignore him.

What would he learn? That if you assault someone and don't apologise, the are unlikely to buy you a present.

It's a natural consequence and those are vital to children's development.

I guess he would just shrug his shoulders but if she points out that his behaviour was shocking yet she still cares about him he may feel some appropriate sense of shame.

She doesn't need to buy him a gift to show him she still cares about him. He doesn't need to be taught that people show their love through gifts only.

She apologised for slapping him, despite it being an instant, visceral reaction to being assaulted. He did not apologise for assaulting her.

She said hello and asked him how he was. He ignored her and said to another family member he hates her.

Do you honestly think that her buying a gift is appropriate considering the above?

It's setting a dangerous precedent to any teenage boy (or girl). Even if you assault someone, and don't say sorry, and ignore them, they should buy you a present if they really love you.

She had no way of knowing that.

The 14/15 yr old who punched me in the stomach went on to punch the two male teachers who came to my assistance. They had not laid hands on him.

Did i read that correctly, OP should give her grandson who punched her in the stomach 'a gift' to appease him? Honestly, this is a big part of why there is so much vile behaviour in schools. Parents do not know how to parent anymore, discipline has become a by word.

It all starts with 'it is normal for toddlers to have tantrums', 'it is normal for teenagers to be stroppy' and 'you can't smack to discipline'. So glad I never listened to this nonsense.

What do you think he would learn from the grandmother not acknowledging his birthday and continuing to ignore him. I guess he would just shrug his shoulders but if she points out that his behaviour was shocking yet she still cares about him he may feel some appropriate sense of shame. As a grandparent she’s slightly removed from managing this. His parents have a difficult task trying to get him off a very negative trajectory

That's what he'll tell his girlfriend too when he knocks lumps out of her. I did it because I love you. Fuck off.

'This young man needs unconditional love, very difficult stage of life. I am not condoning what he did but the behaviour issues need to be addressed in the longer term by his parents. And yes, you do need to buy him a birthday present!'

And another one of - well, I don't know what to call these smothering idiots.

'I love you darling, even though you punched me in the stomach - here's a nice present for you...'

We have all been 14. My brothers were 14.

Difficult little buggers! But to lay hands on me, or another woman, never, well not since we were 7, and that was usually me doing the hitting, and them doing the fending off.