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AIBU?

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Was MIL being unreasonable to phone me at work

115 replies

Candy155320 · 29/05/2024 20:38

My DD20 is going holiday Tom and was very busy today with appointments/packing. Had quite a few missed calls today from MIL (can’t have phone at work on me only on my break) saying that DD wasn’t getting phone and had she done anything to her. I explained to her that she was just busy with appointments/packing to which MIL replied to me she was very upset. I again explained to her the situation and then said to me I hope you don’t mind me phoning you at work about this. I then messaged my DD and she said she was busy and couldn’t get the phone but she was going to contact her late afternoon. MIL after I explained this to her proceeded to turn on the waterworks crying to me saying how upset she is & how she had the confidence telling me this. This made me feel very upset as it made me panic thinking ot was emergency and also the fact that she created drama while I was at my work over this. DH said to me she’s got a lot on her mind with caring for FIL who has Dementia but I feel that although this is the case it’s not fair of her to contact me at work over this. So AIBU thinking this or was MIL being unreasonable here

OP posts:
HoHoHoliday · 29/05/2024 20:58

Your DD was able to reply to you when you asked what she was doing but couldn't take a couple of minutes to answer the phone to her grandma?
Don't speak to your MIL about this, just leave it now. She's obviously struggling, it's stressful caring for someone with dementia, and she's probably lonely as well.

WelshNerd · 29/05/2024 20:58

This just sounds like nonsense. If she's having a difficult time due to caring responsibilities then she has to express that outside of your working hours and preferably to her son. I would certainly make clear that she can't contact you at work.

Candy155320 · 29/05/2024 20:57

AFmammaG · 29/05/2024 20:54

Don’t understand the comment about her having the confidence to tell you she was upset? Either way it was clearly important to her to wish your child well. Did your DD really not have 5 minutes to take one of her calls?

No cos when MIL phoned her she was driving the car & then she phoned her again while she was having a bath so that’s why DD couldn’t take her call.

OP posts:
parietal · 29/05/2024 20:57

it sounds to me like your MIL may be really struggling with FIL and dementia and is feeling overwhelmed. so maybe she was trying to reach out for support but was clumsy about it. she shouldn't have called at work, but maybe things at her home are worse than you think.

get your DH to talk to her properly and maybe visit at the weekend to support her etc.

Chirawehaha · 29/05/2024 20:57

Candy155320 · 29/05/2024 20:55

My DD is going holiday Tom but as she couldn’t get the phone she thinks that my DD didn’t want to speak to her which is very untrue

So you said DD was busy. What’s the problem? Why does this escalate to her ringing you at work?

Chirawehaha · 29/05/2024 20:55

Candy155320 · 29/05/2024 20:50

I have no idea but when I asked her she said to me I wanted to tell you

And you didn’t ask her why she wanted to tell you?

This whole thing is a bit strange. What was she even ringing your DD for? What is she claiming to be so hurt about?

Candy155320 · 29/05/2024 20:55

mnahmnah · 29/05/2024 20:53

I’m confused. Why was she so desperate to speak to your daughter? What was the problem in not being able to get hold of her?

My DD is going holiday Tom but as she couldn’t get the phone she thinks that my DD didn’t want to speak to her which is very untrue

OP posts:
AFmammaG · 29/05/2024 20:54

Don’t understand the comment about her having the confidence to tell you she was upset? Either way it was clearly important to her to wish your child well. Did your DD really not have 5 minutes to take one of her calls?

ZekeZeke · 29/05/2024 20:53

Candy155320 · 29/05/2024 20:51

Should I speak to MIL again or leave it

No need to.
If she is struggling with FIL, get your DH to call her/drop into her on a regular basis, or as much as he can. Let him be the main point of contact

mnahmnah · 29/05/2024 20:53

I’m confused. Why was she so desperate to speak to your daughter? What was the problem in not being able to get hold of her?

Candy155320 · 29/05/2024 20:51

Should I speak to MIL again or leave it

OP posts:
Candy155320 · 29/05/2024 20:50

Nouvellenovel · 29/05/2024 20:45

Why didn’t she ring your dh?
Is your job less important?

I have no idea but when I asked her she said to me I wanted to tell you

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 29/05/2024 20:50

Nouvellenovel · 29/05/2024 20:45

Why didn’t she ring your dh?
Is your job less important?

100% this.
Get your DH to check in/phone/visit PIL . The first call MIL should be making is to your DH, not to you!

Nouvellenovel · 29/05/2024 20:45

Why didn’t she ring your dh?
Is your job less important?

Chrysanthemum5 · 29/05/2024 20:41

Your MIL is clearly unreasonable in this situation but I guess she's not coping with looking after her husband so is maybe sensitive.

I have similar with my FIL who kept calling me at work when I couldn't get hold of someone. I had to be very firm with him and be clear that I couldn't answer at work all the time so if I didn't answer he should accept that and not call again.