Was MIL being unreasonable to phone me at work

so she can send messages on her kindle but not receive them?

Saying your MIL hasn't got a mobile phone so your daughter couldn't possibly text her is a bit daft if she's got a device she can message and facebook on, it's the same thing.

You daughter was ignoring her, but that's okay in itself as she was busy, but she could have just messaged her to tell her she'd talk to her later.. if she's got time to come home and get in the bath she would have had 20 seconds to do that.

Would have saved all the drama with MIL getting upset and worried and ringing you at work, then you messaging DD, then DD messaging you back, then you ringing MIL back, it all seems to have been escalated quite a lot over what is a very simple issue.

You could have just messaged MIL back to say DD was busy packing and she'd catch up with her later.

She shouldn't have hassled you at work.

But maybe it's time your DH realised how difficult life is for her. Caring for someone with dementia is hard. It's isolating and it's 24/7.

I appreciate she annoyed you today, but perhaps cut her some slack. When you're in the depths of caring for someone you love, the smallest issue (ie granddaughter not answering phone) can be blown out of proportion.

I imagine the tears were not to be manipulative, perhaps they were tears of frustration at her life, not being able to chat with her granddaughter, knowing that she was being a nuisance to you.

Quite right. Best to nip this sort of nonsense in the bud before it becomes a habit. I hope your husband doesn't moan about it, as well. Don't tolerate it if he does. If you read my post history, I'm very far from an 'all men suck' poster, and in fact I frequently call out the misandry on this site, but one thing that does annoy me no end is husbands expecting wives to deal with inlaws. Too many men seem to expect this and it isn't on.

That wasn’t an emergency. She shouldn’t have phoned you at work.

What does your mother in law usually do when she phones you/your husband/your daughter and they don’t answer? Is this the first time this has ever happened?

You said she left you voicemails, sent two messages and send a facebook message? How did she send the messages and facebook message without a mobile phone?

Well you’ve given her exactly what she wanted by rewarding her histrionics by making your daughter ring her. Your daughter sounds like she has better boundaries- don’t erode these by making her think women always have to be polite and dance to others’ tune.
Next time don’t answer your MIL at work. If you’ve worried, get your DH to contact her. That will stop her nonsense- not pandering to it.

If this is the first time I would not mention anything again to her, perhaps she had a bad morning and things escalated in her mind, who knows, she certainly sounds very stressed out so treat her with a bit of grace.
If it happens again then talk to your DH about how to approach this.

YADNBU. MIL sounds like a drama queen, I would have been very pissed off with her. I don't see how FIL's dementia is really relevant. Anyway, it should be on your husband to deal with her, not you. Next time, don't pick up when she calls.

Did she think something had happened to your DD? If she normally answers her phone but was completely ignoring her then I can see why she could have worked herself up into a state, MIL sound's like she very stressed anyway so it may have just tipped her over the edge not being able to get hold of her, then not being able to get hold of you.

I think calling you at work is fine personally, you can either answer or not, no need to get annoyed with her about it, you chose to ring her back after you got an answer from your DD, you should have asked DD to contact her instead if you were unable to use your phone at work.

I think your DD was unreasonable to just ignore her, she could have sent her a quick text to say she'd ring her later.

You’re at work and can’t talk, yet you have answered?

I would ignore her. If it’s an emergency, she’ll ring her son. Can he pick up the phone at work?

We aren’t allowed phones on at work-that solves all this drama!

If she’s messaged and left voice mails I would of messaged back and told her you can’t speak now your at work
killing 2 birds with one stone you dealt with it and also let her know you can’t ring her at work

just tell her not to bother ringing you at work again as you can’t have your phone with you it was luck u saw it as you had to get something out of your locker

I don’t understand the almighty drama old people get very insular and think the world revolves round them and everyone operates in the same time scale as them

Why is it annoying? Can't you just go oh 10 missed calls and 5 voicemails. Listen to one then ring her back

How's your MIL generally? If this was my MIL I'd be letting my DH know she didn't seem to be coping well and he needs to figure out how to support her. I don't think her behaviour is completely rational but I also think you seem to be quite wound up about it.

You seem to perceive her crying as being manipulative, done “deliberately.”

What if she is upset and overwhelmed? Caring for someone with dementia when you are also elderly can leave you with a short emotional fuse, and very anxious. Just because the situation wouldn’t overwhelm you, it doesn’t mean it isn’t overwhelming her.

You sound absolutely heartless to be honest OP, “waterworks” turning the tears on” and “getting upset” she sounds completely overwhelmed.

Also you were on your break when you replied to her calls, she’s hardly interrupting your working day!

What wrong with calling you at work?

I call dh at work probably once a day. My relatives are regularly on whatsapp during work hours. Obviously with some jobs you can't take call. But then you don’t answer, ring back later or text. No drama. I'm in one of those jobs. I can't see what the big problem is with her trying to call you during the working day.

Also if dd had time for a bath, she had time to ring her grandma. And 20-year olds don't spend all day packing for themselves to go on holiday.

Sounds like all involved were not particularly sympathic.

Could your mil also be showing signs of dementia? My grandma used to call my mum all the time, over the simplest things because she got so anxious.

Shes struggling emotionally with FIL.
you did right thing by saying ringing at work, unless absolute emergency, is not acceptable. I think a talk with her about getting outside support with FIL is prob best bet...she makes need a little respite or support, you cant do it all. Is FIL under any care?

That’s bonkers. She couldn’t get hold of her granddaughter straight away so she escalated to calling you at work. It wasn’t an emergency. That’s not normal behaviour.