People commenting on my 6 YO DD weight?

Height and weight aren’t linear. My dd was an average sized baby. Between the ages of 2 and 3 she grew exponentially and became an above average child. She wasn’t overweight. Then at about 5/6 she put on weight and at one time was on the 99th centile for weight.

At this point, I didn’t talk to her about weight. However I reduced her carb intake and increased her protein. She was chocolate obsessed and breakfasts were things like a bowl of Greek yoghurt and a tiny bit of grated dark chocolate to make ‘sprinkles’ and a reduced carb high protein ‘muffin’. NB I batch cooked low sugar muffins made with 5 large eggs to get the liquid consistency correct (rather than 2 plus liquid to increase the protein). I used gluten free flour for me and substituted between 10 and 20% with a seed flour.

She wouldn’t eat school lunch and wasn’t into sandwiches so the rule was one carb in her packed lunch so either crisps or sometimes a sandwich wrap. The packed lunch wasn’t as healthy as it could be as she loved pepperami sausages or those little packs of chicken but she’d have one of these with some cheese, some sort of crisps, carrot / cucumber sticks and some sort of fruit. Fruit is also full of carbs but eating a decent amount of protein with a meal reduces the sugar spike.

Dh always was above average weight as a child despite eating healthily and being very sporty and active. He lost the weight at puberty. Once dd hit puberty, she also started losing the weight naturally. I was the same albeit I wasn’t overweight as a child but definitely not on the lower end weight wise. It isn’t surprising therefore that my dd followed the same trajectory as both of us.

Dd is now almost 16 and has developed an eating disorder. It’s trauma based so nothing to do with trying to lose weight. Dd was taught very healthy eating habits as a child. Apart from following both dh and my weight trajectory, her higher weight was possibly due to me being very ill when she was younger and struggling to even make food so she helped herself more than I would have liked. I got her to a childminder 2 times a week and used the extra rest to cooking a little more. Looking back now, I wish I hadn’t spent all that time worrying about dd because now I genuinely am just trying to keep her alive. I’m only mentioning this because of some of the comments on the thread.

@Ladyzfactor

As a mother with a child with a trauma based eating disorder, low body weight is extremely dangerous. My dd was a fit, active and very sporty 15 year old 6 months ago. People with eating disorders don’t just die of being extremely thin and malnourished and eventually due to their organs shutting down. They also die of heart failure. My dd is very thin now having lost 18 kilos in the last 14 months and most of it in the last 6 as before that it was natural weight loss. If she were to continue to lose weight at the current rate, she will not be here in another 4 months time, maybe less. Low body weight is far far more dangerous far far faster than overeating. A lot more children die of low rather than high body weight.

I am sorry to have highjacked your thread op and I really am not looking for any posts saying sorry that dd is poorly. I have support in threads on ED. It is just that I feel what I have to say is important for you to read so as not to feel too rubbish about your dd’s weight.

If people are commenting on her weight at her age then I think you’ve got an issue. Most 6 year olds weights are so unremarkable that they never get commented on, perhaps a visit to the GP is in order.

My eldest was only ever 3st 6 at 6 and he was 95th percentile for height.

4st sounds a lot.

For those suggestion "low-sugar yoghurts" - no no no. Artificial sweeteners are not going to get us anywhere. Just plain yogurt. Greek yoghurt is also fine because it will fill her up and is full of protein. It's good to get kids used to unsweetened things that are delicious without sugar (e.g. greek yoghurt).

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My daughter is 7.5 and weighs 4.1 stone ish (25.5kg). She is 131cm tall (she is tall for her age). She gets through stages of being an average weight then you can see her put on weight and then she will shoot up 2 or 3 cms in a month! She is in age 9-10 clothes for the length but I have to get adjustable waists as they are too big on her.

I have just done her bmi and she is 28th centile, I haven't done one before.

Are you sure she isn't in a growth spurt phase? She may shoot up in height soon.

Yea, you should be able to see their ribs and collar bones. Tbh I think we are more used to seeing overweight children now it’s skewed what we think is normal.

BMI is at a low point at this age between the toddler years and the onset of puberty. Seeing ribs is normal and healthy.

In a healthy mammal the ribs should be visible. Mine aren't, but when I was a teenager (yes, a long time ago) everyone's were except for the fat ones.

Just out of interest- you need to be able to see a child's ribs ? Otherwise they're overweight ? I thought seeing ribs was a sign they're a bit thin ?

I would try to ascertain her height. DD eats LOADS she’s probably about 120cm and 3 and a half stone but she also does something like 9 hours of organised sporty things a week and is often starving. I do have to watch her sugar intake but if she’s eating meat/veg/cheese/ milk we don’t restrict. DH is a lot more lax about food than me tbh so she does eat more junk than I would like.

I would absolutely not make a huge deal out of this, just make sure she’s eating home cooked meals and healthier snacks. She’s still growing so she still needs to eat nutritionally dense food. I tend to look at food in terms of nutrition rather than calories, are there vitmins/minerals/protein in the food etc. Thats how we talk about it as well, food that will help you become big and strong, we don’t talk about calories, fat etc.

She’s more likely to be able to regulate her eating if she is eating more unprocessed food. One of the best bits of advice I’ve seen is you decide what she eats and she decides how much of it she will eat.

I’m not judging you, DD can eat her own bodyweight in rubbish quite easily.

"Perhaps maybe I should be making her eat healthier but I mean she eats ham sandwiches and chicken nuggets and mash and the takeout with the whole family om a sat McDonald's etc. Big deal?"
Yes, big deal. McDonalds every week, and you're surprised that people are making adverse comments?

My daughter is 3.5st and about 123cm at 6 (and looks in proportion) so I would say yours is maybe a little over, and having seen the foods list you provided I think it’s just a case of getting in more fibre, protein, slow release carbs and fresh fruit and veg. I know how hard this can be (I had three under 4 and things went off the rails for a while there 🤣). I now cook big batches every Sunday afternoon. Giant bolognese with loads of veggies in, big butter chicken from scratch with chick peas, cheesy pasta with zucchini and broccoli and cauli, etc. Makes the mid-week scramble so much easier. And even if it has to be something quick on the fly I do homemade cheese and tomato toasties on whole meal with cut up carrots, cucumber and peppers etc with a dip (if she likes hummus) OR a quick jacket with tuna and sweet corn / cheese and low sugar beans, or a quick lean meat stirfry with a bag of stirfry mix and some egg noodles and sauce ( just honey, soy, sesame oil, garlic and ginger). Homemade nuggets are super quick to make and go down well here with wedges (thank you airfryer) and some garlicky green veg.

For snacks it’s only one processed item a day - so they can have a biscuit OR crisps OR a cereal bar (some actually are lower in sugar and higher in protein these days). Otherwise yoghurt is plain or with a drizzle of honey. Porridge in the mornings with cut fresh fruit in the side, or peanut butter (no salt/sugar) and sliced banana on whole meal toast etc. I make one batch of either flapjacks or banana bread (prep time 15 mins so very easy to fit in) a week for the lunch box treat generally to avoid all the over-processing of pre-bought baked goods. I do make homemade pancakes once a week (weekend brekkie) so it’s not like the kids get no treats but some foods just aren’t every day foods.

My husband also had to become more involved as I’m working full time so I can’t be solely responsible for all cooking and nutrition. Once you get into a routine it’s really just as easy as the quick crap I was doing before, just need to get in the rhythm. And stop buying the processed stuff - if it’s not there then it can’t be eaten.

My 10 year old boy is about 4/4 and a half stone. He’s about 135 cm. So I’d say that’s pretty heavy for a 6 ur old.
If others are commenting then I’d listen as I think it’s harder for us as parents to be objective about our kids weight.

Children do go through cycles of carrying a bit more body fat, I know I did. I guess you just need to keep an eye on it and make some small adjustments if necessary. The good thing is that she has a lot of growing to do and children do naturally lean out during the process, so it isn’t a matter of putting them on a diet as such.

I think it’s great that you have posted this and were concerned enough to get advice here OP.
There are some really great suggestions and you’ve had a lot of supportive answers.

I was a chubby child and I think it’s because my mum thought food was love, she only got a wake up call when people started to comment on my weight.

There is a lot of sugar in your daughters diet (which you are aware of) it’s not just about weight but teeth as well, my friends daughter is probably underweight but eats a lot of sugar and drinks tons of fruit juice and has had to have fillings on her baby teeth, the dentist might be a useful ally in helping your daughter eat more healthily.

Instead of a weekly takeaway could you make “fake aways” together as a fun activity? I know you have a lot on your plate (sorry for the pun!) but it encourages learning about food and nutrition and some cooking experience, I imagine it’d save money too. There are a lot of great recipes online and quick and easy to make.

An idea I’ve seen mentioned on mumsnet a few times is to have a snack box. You put a weekly quota of snacks in the box and your daughter has complete control, if she eats them all at once she learns to pace herself. At the same time have healthy snacks available like raisins, rice cakes, low fat yogurt, cottage cheese, alpen bars etc… I know some people have unlimited fruit but it’s not great for teeth if you have too much.
The boxes just have the unhealthy things like chocolate, pancakes, crisps etc..

I noticed kids prefer roasted vegetables to boiled, if you use spray oil and roast in the oven you can roast peppers, onions, carrots - even broccoli!

Your daughter is used to eating a lot and her stomach will have stretched, if you restrict food or cut it down rapidly she’ll just be hungry and crave sugar and become obsessed with food. It’s better to replace what she’s eating with healthier options.

I noticed a pp asking if she could be thirsty? Being thirsty can often be confused with hunger. Also check the calories and sugar content of drinks - they can often be responsible for weight gain and tooth decay. Fruit juice can seem a healthy option but I wish more people were aware of the effect it has on teeth.

One last thing (sorry for bombarding you) can you do any fun exercise at home? Trampoline? Wii fit (if they still exist?) bike riding? Hula hooping? Skipping? etc…

You have loads of time to turn this around and you sound like a fab, but tired and busy mum.
I hope you find some of this useful and don’t see it as criticism, I just wanted to offer some advice and support because I wish my mum had done the same when I was an overweight child.

My DD is 5.5 and 4 stone. She’s about 115cm tall too. I don’t think she’s overweight but definitely feel like she has some preschool chub, so a full stone more on her would feel pretty heavy I think. I’d maybe offer food less often, let her ask if she’s hungry. More fresh, less processed. Example for what DC ate today: oatmeal for breakfast, some fruit, snack at school which is usually some crackers or seaweed snacks and fruit. Homemade bean burrito, fruit and spinach for lunch. Snack afterschool peanut puffs, fruit. Dinner tonight was out at a nice restaurant, pasta and she had a scoop of ice cream. Last night was pork tacos with avocado, corn etc and similar rest of day.

@mumspiration1997 I just did a bit of googling, seems like DD is about a stone heavier than what the WHO calls average, whatever that means. Also whilst reading up discovered that my DS is in the same boat. But since he is healthy, happy and active I find myself unable to GAF.

I also imagine that the standard deviation on something like global weights of 6yos is massive and confidence intervals will be large. So even significantly heavier than average may still be quite unremarkable, statistically.

I agree. 4 stone seems too much at that age. But it's awful to comment on.

A lot more people have died of obesity than anorexia. No comments should be directed at the child by an adult but overweight children can be treated awful in school. There is no shame in installing healthy eating habits when young. It's much easier to correct bad habits in small children than older ones

Yes, if your child is very slim there will be idiots asking if you feed them 🙃 My 6yo is 3st and tall for her age, BMI under the 9th centile and the amount of “oh does she not have much of an appetite? She doesn’t eat much does she?” I hear, from family to friends to teachers, is insane. What do they want me to do, force feed her? She actually eats plenty. Of course diet and exercise are important, but genetics do play a role and my daughter clearly inherited my husband’s tall and slim body type.

The OP hasn't said her daughter was in earshot when these comments were said, and has told us they are coming from concerned family members.

The crazy thing to do would be to never to speak to these people again, who presumably are people she loves and considers her support network. Those comments have prompted the OP to come here and ask for help, find out her BMI and listen to advice from others on how to address her daughters weight.

I've no intention of looking up some tiktok trend but of course anorexia is real and a child's weight must be handled sensitively but there is no indication that the OP's family aren't capable of doing this. The sad fact is there is so much chronic illness and early death that is preventable, relating to the food we are eating and the weight we are collectively gaining, that this vastly over shadows problems caused by someone being told by their grandma that they've filled out a bit and should cut down on the chocolate biscuits. This is why the poster you are wanting an argument with is bringing the obesity epidemic into the conversation, it's a massive problem and it's affecting our children and impeding their ability to live long and healthy lives.

You're honestly mental if you don't realise the harm those comments can do. As someone who knows someone that died of anorexia I think you're completely stupid to speak on behalf of everyone to say they can handle these sort of comments. It doesn't take much.

Hi OP, it's great that you have looked into this and want to do something about it. There's so many big kids about and I think many don't realise or bury their heads about it.

My child was quite overweight, but now they are 'normal' according to their BMI. I couldn't really see what I was doing wrong but upon reading around processed foods and the Mediterranean diet I could see there was room for improvement.

The major changes I made were to remove as much highly processed food as possible and introduce more whole foods in their diet.

Cereals were cut out for a long time and now are just an occasional treat. Cordial/squash and fruit juices were cut out and water and milk became the default. Yoghurt offered became Greek yoghurt with berries mixed instead of sugary yoghurts. White carbs were replaced with wholegrain options. I even started making my own bread. Vegetable intake was increased so that pretty much every snack and meal included it. For meals I'd try to fill half their plate with veg. Processed meats like bacon and sausage were cut out. Fish fingers and waffles cut out. Instead I give just normal meat and fish, potatoes, wholegrain pasta, brown rice or couscous etc. I've introduced more lentils, beans, chickpeas and nuts. I don't give a pile of spuds with every meal. I try to treat potatoes like any other veg and give a smaller portion, and increase the amount of less starchy veg.

Once they get used to real foods they will be fuller for longer and not overeat processed stuff that's designed to be overeaten. They won't have blood sugar spikes and crashes without sugar and white carbs.

Snacks are fruit, nuts, crackers, toast, veg sticks, hummus, cheese, breadsticks. I find the least processed crackers and breadsticks I can find. There is a fruit bowl always topped up with apples, bananas, oranges and whatever else looks nice that week.

Breakfasts are more varied and not just a white carb and some fruit. I give homemade wholegrain bread with various healthy toppings, porridge, omelette, even homemade baked beans. Homemade granola with berries and Greek yoghurt goes down a storm.

If we go out I try to bring a packed lunch instead of relying on crap food devoid of nutrients that's sold as kids food in most venues.

Basically anything too processed is now an occasional treat whether that's shop bought croissants, processed meat, takeaway food or a bar of chocolate, and it seems to be doing the trick. My child has grown in to their weight and now has a normal BMI and looks so different to older photos of them where they were obviously overweight.

I would say don't be afraid of talking to your child about the nutrition value of food and how we should try to eat a healthy and varied diet. They cover this sort of thing in school so it shouldn't be a foreign concept to them. If you have any cookery books in the house you can get them out and look at the pictures, you might be surprised to find what she thinks looks good and would be prepared to try. If she doesn't already help you in the kitchen I would definitely suggest this, in my experience it helps kids become more familiar with new ingredients and more adventurous in what they are prepared to try a bit of. Best of luck to you both!

I personally think macdonalds once a week is quite a lot. It’s full of absolute crap. It will also depend what’s she’s having there if large portions that could be well over a child’s daily allowance in once meal alone.