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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

People commenting on my 6 YO DD weight?

341 replies

mumspiration1997 · 29/05/2024 20:09

I've had 3 different family members commenting on my daughters weight this week. "She's really filled out" "you should watch what she's eating" etc etc . Possibly from a place of concern as they wouldn't be people to be obviously nasty. For context she's 4 stone and average height. Is this a problem? She's a great appetite and an active girl who definitely loves a wee treat but big deal. I'm 9 stone and very active myself so it's not like I'm purposely just laying around setting bad examples. Perhaps maybe I should be making her eat healthier but I mean she eats fruit and ham sandwiches and chicken nuggets and mash and veg and the takeout with the whole family om a sat McDonald's etc. Big deal??!!! She's 6 I was just grateful she has a good appetite. Aibu???? Or r they???

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CelesteCunningham · 30/05/2024 09:52

Otherstories2002 · 30/05/2024 09:38

the calculation you’re using is based on the average child, the fatter kids get the higher the threshold is. Don’t kid yourself that he’s going to “correct” that 67th centile. Reality is he’s in the heavier group and most kids his age and height weight less than him. That will catch up with him.

The only comments that are inappropriate are those normalising obesity and suggesting the dentist is the solution.

The PP's child is in the healthy range. And it's called a healthy range rather than a healthy weight for a reason - there isn't just one number that's ok.

Your comments here aren't coming across in a balanced way at all. If you have issues around weight it might be best to step away for your own sake.

CelesteCunningham · 30/05/2024 09:50

Otherstories2002 · 30/05/2024 09:39

how about MUM is the authority figure and taking responsibility for their child’s diet?

But in the real world, children listen to authority figures. If you've had a child this age you'll know that.

"It's important to eat healthy food" and "It's important to eat healthy food - remember what the dentist said about keeping your teeth healthy" - one of those will work better on most 6yos than the other.

It won't change the food that OP is offering, but it might reduce the whining somewhat.

SoTiredNeedHoliday · 30/05/2024 09:48

Otherstories2002 · 30/05/2024 09:39

how about MUM is the authority figure and taking responsibility for their child’s diet?

I think using the dentist as a reason to reassess the dietary choices is a really good idea. It means that choices can be adjusted without having to talk about weight or appearances to a child and I think that is best avoided.

It is not blaming the dentist it's seeking advice from a professional and then following the advice of the professional. That is a lot safer than discussing weight and appearance with a child, which can affect their confidence and their self-esteem not to mention that eating disorders are rife and starting younger and younger

Also, the OP is not a professional she is a mum trying to do the best for her children so it is very reasonable that she use this route to help her DD

brogueish · 30/05/2024 09:46

Just wanted to say thank you to all the helpful and non judgey posters on this thread. Really helpful and has made me think. Thanks OP for starting the thread.

Otherstories2002 · 30/05/2024 09:45

CerealPonderer · 30/05/2024 09:41

young children should not weight half that of a fully grown adult

Don't be so ridiculous @Otherstories2002. Totally standard and normal for a child to weigh half an adult's weight.

My 7 year old is 5 stone 4 and a healthy weight for his height.

His dad is 6 foot 2 and his teenage brothers are 6'4 and 6' at ages 16 and 14. I think it's safe to say he was never going to be a borrower. Shall I maybe ask him to stop growing?

Just to blow your mind a little more - did you know that children usually reach half their adult height by their second birthday? 2 year olds being half the height of a full grown adult, the cheek right? 😂

Oh he’s not. You keep telling yourself that though.

height and weight are completely different. But again, tell yourself they aren’t.

Seagrassbasket · 30/05/2024 09:43

I haven’t read the whole thread so sorry if this has been mentioned, but you are better off with whole fat yogurt - I keep seeing PP’s mentioning low sugar yoghurt. Just get whole fat Greek yoghurt and give her berries with it. More nutritional value.

Concentrate on whole unprocessed foods as much as possible and yes reduce the sugar as much as you can.

It must be really hard at the moment so also be kind to yourself! Take one step at a time. Good luck!

CerealPonderer · 30/05/2024 09:41

young children should not weight half that of a fully grown adult

Don't be so ridiculous @Otherstories2002. Totally standard and normal for a child to weigh half an adult's weight.

My 7 year old is 5 stone 4 and a healthy weight for his height.

His dad is 6 foot 2 and his teenage brothers are 6'4 and 6' at ages 16 and 14. I think it's safe to say he was never going to be a borrower. Shall I maybe ask him to stop growing?

Just to blow your mind a little more - did you know that children usually reach half their adult height by their second birthday? 2 year olds being half the height of a full grown adult, the cheek right? 😂

Hemakesmesmile2 · 30/05/2024 09:40

Hemakesmesmile2 · 30/05/2024 09:26

My 11 year old son is 5 stone.

I meant 6 stone sorry! 🙈 I have two sons who love to eat (eldest definitely eating more recently as he’s going through puberty)but I’ve always been quite aware of them eating healthy (often berated for it when they were much younger, incredibly 🙄) I have a rule of no sweets during the week and I have a limit on the crap food I allow-after that it’s fruit and veg. Luckily both my kids love fruit and veg (starting them young helped hugely) they’ve only had McDonald’s twice this year (one was with extended family) and they are pretty active too which helps. Youngest is slender and tall for his age, 11 yo has gone from skinny to average which I think means he’s going to have yet another growth spurt soon!) I’ve found not buying as much junk food and not having it in the house helps. Also I agree with others about how bad UPF is (not criticising at all, we still eat it, I just try to drown it out with the healthy stuff instead). Regarding your 9mo twins-please know that you’re not being cruel just giving them water instead of juice. I was constantly told this 🙄 my sons both love water whereas many friends will only drink juice (because they’ve had it from being a baby/toddler).

Otherstories2002 · 30/05/2024 09:39

CelesteCunningham · 30/05/2024 09:30

The dentist is a great idea. Unless they're utterly clueless, when OP pointedly says "and are sweets and juice good for our teeth?" the dentist will do the needful and agree with mum that those things are bad for teeth and should be eaten rarely. Then when OP is getting the message across at home she has an authority figure to reinforce the message - we all know that 6yos believe everything their teacher says and nothing their parents say!

how about MUM is the authority figure and taking responsibility for their child’s diet?

Otherstories2002 · 30/05/2024 09:38

Mchill79 · 30/05/2024 09:31

I’m not ignoring the OP. She is aware and said she will make changes. It’s the random other comments based on nothing that I think are pointless. 67th isn’t on the way to over 90. Don’t be ridiculous

the calculation you’re using is based on the average child, the fatter kids get the higher the threshold is. Don’t kid yourself that he’s going to “correct” that 67th centile. Reality is he’s in the heavier group and most kids his age and height weight less than him. That will catch up with him.

The only comments that are inappropriate are those normalising obesity and suggesting the dentist is the solution.

FluffyDiplodocus · 30/05/2024 09:33

Yeah it sounds like it needs to be a more balanced diet. Croissants or pancakes for breakfast should be a special occasion type thing IMO, and after school snacks should be less sugary - and supper isn’t needed!

I have an 8yo and a 6yo, most days in term time they have:

Breakfast - cereal with milk
Lunch - sandwich, some veg, some fruit, little soreen bar
Snack - 3x crackers
Dinner - Something like pasta with sausages and veg or veggie burgers, chips and salad
Pudding - fruit or a treat like an ice cream depending on the day and what they’ve already had, if we had an afternoon at the park and went for an ice cream it will just be fruit on the menu!

We do McDonalds around once a school holiday as a treat. I try to give my reasoning when I say no to foods, eg this morning we’re doing some jobs in town and the kids have already suggested Costa. I’ve said “ooh yes you can share a panini from there for lunch, but I’ll be saying no to a cake because we’re going to make cupcakes this afternoon for our guests tomorrow and obviously you’ll want one when they’re done - and two cakes in one day is a bit much isn’t it?” I realise this is quite a sugary example of a day, school holidays are always a bit off piste! It’s easier being in the school routine.

Mchill79 · 30/05/2024 09:31

Otherstories2002 · 30/05/2024 09:29

He’s on the 67th centile - he’s getting there and whilst your post might be intended to educate you’re ignoring that the OPs child is on the cusp of obese. It’s totally inappropriate to water that down.

I’m not ignoring the OP. She is aware and said she will make changes. It’s the random other comments based on nothing that I think are pointless. 67th isn’t on the way to over 90. Don’t be ridiculous

CelesteCunningham · 30/05/2024 09:30

notacooldad · 30/05/2024 09:07

I absolutely won't and im going to use the dentist as an excuse
Dont blame the dentist and use that as an excuse.
Just reduce your intake and if any questions are asked you can talk about health then. Don't blame someone else.

The dentist is a great idea. Unless they're utterly clueless, when OP pointedly says "and are sweets and juice good for our teeth?" the dentist will do the needful and agree with mum that those things are bad for teeth and should be eaten rarely. Then when OP is getting the message across at home she has an authority figure to reinforce the message - we all know that 6yos believe everything their teacher says and nothing their parents say!

Cantdoitallperfectly · 30/05/2024 09:30

My DD was 125cm and 3s 9lb aged 6 + 4 months. (I’ve kept a log!)
She has had times where she has looked a bit more heavy then had a growth spurt and it levelled out.
unfortunately recently, due to going out with friends etc, she’s gained quite a bit of weight and she seems to have stopped growing, she is now 12 and is what I would describe as “stocky”. I don’t want to say anything as I know how these things affect young girls but at the same time I worry about the junk food eaten when I’m not around to monitor.

we have had numerous conversations about making the healthier choice, managing sugar for dental health but she continues to buy the sausage rolls, pizza slice, cream bun.

As parents we can only do so much once they reach a certain age but I would say that you’re the one in control right now and it’s a good chance to educate your DD about making healthy choices.

Otherstories2002 · 30/05/2024 09:29

Mchill79 · 30/05/2024 09:22

He isn’t overweight at all. He is very tall and well within the healthy weight range. This post is meant to help educate so saying rubbish like this isn’t helping.

He’s on the 67th centile - he’s getting there and whilst your post might be intended to educate you’re ignoring that the OPs child is on the cusp of obese. It’s totally inappropriate to water that down.

Niceplaces · 30/05/2024 09:28

MaryMaryVeryContrary · 29/05/2024 20:26

Exercise has very little impact on weight. Diet is the key factor. ‘Running around all day’ won’t work if they’re eating too much or the wrong food.

Well, yes you can still overeat if you are active sure, but active people do still need to eat more than inactive people.
You would need to eat more food to gain weight if you were active, than you would to gain weight if you were inactive.

Upping activity levels is a good way to lose weight alongside reducing food intake, and being active has a whole range of other health benefits, mentally and physically, than reducing food intake does.

ilovesushi · 30/05/2024 09:28

Good you are planning to take action already. An girl in DD's class was a little bit plump at that age and just steadily put on more and more weight through childhood. She is now an obese teenager. I don't think it i easy to shift weight if you have been carrying it all your life.

Mchill79 · 30/05/2024 09:27

Hemakesmesmile2 · 30/05/2024 09:26

My 11 year old son is 5 stone.

Yes but how tall is he. Height is always relevant. Just throwing out numbers is helping anyone!

Hemakesmesmile2 · 30/05/2024 09:26

My 11 year old son is 5 stone.

Lingfield01 · 30/05/2024 09:26

Talk to your GP if you are genuinely concerned, there are an awful lot of ‘superior’ mums here.

Mchill79 · 30/05/2024 09:22

Otherstories2002 · 30/05/2024 09:19

Your 7 year old is also overweight.

You can say it’s not relevant but young children should not weight half that of a fully grown adult.

He isn’t overweight at all. He is very tall and well within the healthy weight range. This post is meant to help educate so saying rubbish like this isn’t helping.

People commenting on my 6 YO DD weight?
Otherstories2002 · 30/05/2024 09:19

notacooldad · 30/05/2024 09:07

I absolutely won't and im going to use the dentist as an excuse
Dont blame the dentist and use that as an excuse.
Just reduce your intake and if any questions are asked you can talk about health then. Don't blame someone else.

This!

Otherstories2002 · 30/05/2024 09:19

Mchill79 · 30/05/2024 08:39

This is a very bizarre comment! My son is 7 and at 5 stone is well over half of your weight! That has no relevance at all.
No idea how tall are you but he is 100% more than half your height unless you are over 9 ft tall. That is about as relevant as your comment!

Your 7 year old is also overweight.

You can say it’s not relevant but young children should not weight half that of a fully grown adult.

user1492757084 · 30/05/2024 09:18

Your daughter sounds happy.
It's great that she has a good appetite.
The change I would make would be limiting take-aways to once per week and lollies to once a week.
The SOMETIMES FOOD should be limited to sometimes and the fresh, cook from scratch food is best to be indulged.
Fruit bowl, popcorn, wholemeal breads and low sugar/salt spreads available rather than chocolate bars.
Vegies with mince meat patties, tuna bake and sausages rather than chicken nuggets for most nights.
Water and milk rather than solf drinks and juice.
Lower sugar/salt breakfast cereals in the trolley rather than those saturated in sugar.
People have commented to you so take the time to be alerted to what she does seem to eat most weeks.

All kids eat treats and enjoy them sometimes.

notacooldad · 30/05/2024 09:07

I absolutely won't and im going to use the dentist as an excuse
Dont blame the dentist and use that as an excuse.
Just reduce your intake and if any questions are asked you can talk about health then. Don't blame someone else.