Do you believe couples are of similar attractiveness?

What about these two

See, I think Norman Mailer actually looks very attractive in that photo. In a nerdy way. Its not inconceivable that Marilynn would too.

I feel mean towards Tony Robinson now. But my point stands.

Women are also less likely to agree with each other on what "attractive" is. I know there are men who will prefer brunettes to blondes or vice versa or not understand why Bryan likes Angelina Jolie etc etc. Broadly though there is consensus (and even if there isn't frankly younger men in particular are more easily swayed by their friends opinion. Hence the "I find X hot but she isn't pretty" phenomenon. But there are men that some of my friends find attractive that I just think.... WHY???? And it isn't that they see past their looks to their personalities/sense of humour/wallet. They genuinely find e.g. Tony Robinson the absolute pinnacle of male beauty. On the other hand women are more picky - hence the "there are less attractive men than attractive women" comments because most women only find a minority of men attractive. Just different men to each other.

But when you are looking at a couple together you are looking at two people who likely come from a similar background, are at a similar socio-economic level (because they are a couple). similar priorities and also possibly look similar to each other because everyone male and female are subconsciously attracted to that.

My hubby's punching and he knows it ha

Couples are generally similar levels of "appeal". That includes physical, personality, financial, and each can make up for lack in another area.

To be fair, some of these comments from men could also be put down to "negging", or triangulation or just trying to be mean. I wouldn't automatically take comments about "you are weirdly attractive but not pretty and that's a problem for most men" at face value.

I think so, it's generally true. My husband's probably more physically attractive than I am these days, but I'm funnier and easier company.

As someone said above, I think people always date someone they subconsciously find around as attractive as they are, but of course attractiveness is actually the cumulative sum of lots of aspects:

• emotional
• financial
• intellectual
• social
• physical
• spiritual

Well I think it’s all a question of attractive to who? Society or each other?

if it to society then usually no, there tend to be that thing where one person will be seen as more attractive by most than the other. Wealth also tend to impact how attractive society perceive someone (which I think is something women do more actually as men tend to be a bit or even a lot more threatened by women who earn more than them while it seems to give brownie points to men if they are high-earners.)

I am gay so don’t fit within the heterosexual parameters of relationship dynamics, so probably not the kind of testimonies you are looking for, either. BUT I am currently in a relationship (with another woman) and if I put things through an objective lense (and I know she would agree with me) I would say that:
on top of being the higher earner (I earn several times her salary), I am also likely the most skilled/educated and, on a superficial societal standard, likely the most attractive of the two. BUT she has the prettiest eyes of the two, she is, by far, the better cook of the two (and one of the best cook I know actually), she is the funniest of the two and also the most social, and is equally artistic as me and, very importantly, she is absolutely the MOST attractive person to ME right now.

I couldn’t give a flying fuck that some people down the street might look at us both and wonder why I am with her based on their opinion of certain physical criteria or wealth disparity. I know why I am with her, I also know she isn’t with me because I have more money, or because of my physical appearance (though no doubt us being attracted to each other is a big part of how we ended up with each other), what she gives me (in terms of who she is as a person or a partner and the way she makes me feel) far outweighs what I could ever get dating someone whose main quality is being drop dead gorgeous or high-earning & I know she feels similarly and that it’s why we are seeing each other.

I think if I dated men it would be really hard to meet a man that meets my need and is ambitious but yet not toxic about me being the higher earner and completely independent, and yet attractive in different kind of ways.

I think most attractive men are likely to want to play that alpha role and therefore would likely go for a lower earner so they can be the higher earner and have the power over a likely, equally attractive partner.

in all cases I am happy to date women, I think certain dynamics are just a little bit healthier overall between two women than in heterosexual settings due to our societal background.

I've seen couples where man or woman were partnered up with less physically attractive partners who were more confident / better educated than them. Confidence plays massive role and makes up for beauty deficit.

I think this can get jumbled in with the impact of money/time as you age.

I've really noticed in late 30s that some of our friends who are very attractive couples, its because one of them (usually the guy) has a lot of money, and so:

• often the wife works very part time and they have a schedule that has built on plenty of child free time for her to exercise a lot and remain slim
• she has a budget for a lot of personal grooming - regular haircuts & highlights, nails etc
• they both buy expensive & flattering clothing
• there's often an expensive effort to eat a particular diet. Typically its high in fish which is relatively expensive.

They look good but its at a price

Marilyn Monroe and Norman Mailer classic example.

I'm better looking than DP.

Higher earning potential, better educated etc.

It's creates an unusual dynamic in our relationship.

I don't think I'd have wanted an alpha male though.

Yes it's definitely true. That's why I'm single because all the men I'm attracted to don't even notice me 😂

As proven it's not all about looks, though the younger generation are very looks biased, saying that my eldest DD and her DH actually make me double take, incredibly good looking couple, who both think they're lucky
I think it's true that everyone ages differently and we all have our own talents and good qualities.

I love that song. Thank you for reminding me.

Yes, I agree OP. We are naturally attracted to 'those in our own league'. I don't fancy conventionally attractive men and I think it's because I'm not either! I also prefer a dad bod than lots of muscle. I used to be to be slim but not so much now!

Fabulously summed up by Joe Jackson- Is She Really Going Out With Him?

Pretty women out walking with gorillas down my street
From my window I'm staring while my coffee goes cold
Look over there (where?)
There, there's a lady that I used to know
She's married now, or engaged, or something, so I am told
Is she really going out with him?
Is she really gonna take him home tonight?
Is she really going out with him?
'Cause if my eyes don't deceive me
There's something going wrong around here

round here it’s usually more attractive women with less attractive men 😆 I generally don’t see men with less attractive women and most men I know usually wouldn’t entertain doing this in dating, which is sad as women are expected to overlook ‘attractiveness’ in place of security etc.

Yes equally attractive but not necessarily equally physically attractive. DH is definitely better looking than me, but I am nicer. Well not nicer exactly but more sociable and easier to talk to.
Very few ugly, poor, old nasty men attractive beautiful, rich, young kind women or vice versa. But being super rich or handsome or kind can make up for other deficits.

Yes, but not necessarily all physically. See ugly rich men with attractive wives. There's "something" that makes them attractive. Less obviously, there's the well presented wife of a moderately successful professional or someone with a lovely personality "punching".

I think this is spot on.

I did have a friend at college who kept her boyfriend secret because he wasn’t in the popular gang 🤷🏻‍♀️