Sitting around on bed during the day

Mostly, my living room is for when people are here. I relax in/on my bed.

I think there’s a tendency on Mumsnet to assume that any use of a phone for recreation is ‘mindless scrolling’.

But if I spend an hour or two on my phone, I might be having a chat with a friend or family member, reading a book, playing chess or Scrabble while I listen to a podcast, reading a newspaper, learning a language, paying a few bills, booking some appointments, watching a craft tutorial… the list is endless. I wouldn’t call any of that ‘dicking about’.

Could I just say how relieved I am to scroll through the replies and realise that other people also love to relax on the bed, in the daytime, with their clothes on! It's my favourite spot. The cat is usually there. Also, I'm an introvert and need a place to decompress when my family is too loud.

Sometimes I think I spend too much time on the bed, but fortunately my family is used to it and they know they can pop in to talk to me if they want to.

I agree with other posters that the real issue is whether you and your DH have equal amounts of leisure time. If he has more than you, that's not OK, regardless of whether he's spending it in bed or not.

I lay on my bed all the time, but perhaps it's because I'm in a flat so the rooms are more interchangeable. I agree about day clothes though and have a large throw over it which protects the duvet from pet hair as well.

Does he have any redeeming features other than being an un engaging bore?

He clearly has no interest in you or doing things together so set him free to go and lounge on his own bed whilst you go forth and do interesting things.

@bluetopazlove

im very sorry to hear that. I'd be a hot mess in that situation!

However, I still think your post was out of order, all of us are wasting time on line, why be horrible about a man you don't know?

I moved out with a vile excuse of a human when I was 18 and 7 months later got my own little 1 bed flat. I used to clean it top to bottom on a Friday when I finished work and then unless I had people over I just used to live in my room. It was glorious. I look back at the 12 months I lived alone fondly.

I practically live in my bed. If i didnt have a family a living roomwould probably be a waste of time.

Takes all sorts, OP!

What a weirdly intense response. No idea where you got the idea I was judging him. I was trying to work out what the actual situation was so I could decide whether I thought the OP was BU or not. Since that is what this thread is for and why she created it.

Yes, I have a job. Yes, I WFH. As you can see I posted at 5:41pm, so I had finished work for the day.

I think most posters would feel differently about his behaviour depending on whether he was unemployed and scrolling all day, or employed and scrolling in his breaktime (if he WFH) or scrolling when he gets back from work (if not). Not quite sure why that seems to have left you so frantically triggered.

I wouldn’t be keen on the retreating away from everyone and scrolling while I did all the chores aspect, but whether he’s sat on a bed or in a chair is not something I’d care about.

I love my bed days. but obv no outside clothes in the bedroom that would cause me to throw him out tbh

I don’t see a problem with him relaxing on the bed in the day. A bit of relaxation time is really healthy. My mother used to lie on the bed and read in the day sometimes. Now that I look back I think it was really healthy modelling, showing by her actions that she deserves a break sometimes. I know other women who are on their feet all day and I think it sets an example that women should never take time for themselves.

Me too. I'm here right now! I don't find our sofa comfy (actually I don't find any sofas particularly comfy!) and I like my bedroom, it's my safe place where I feel calm. I don't sit downstairs unless I'm sitting with DH in the evening or we have visitors (DCs are teens and in their rooms usually).

Omg I would absolutely hate to be told not to hang around my own bed!
That would make me want my own bedroom to be able to close you out of it sorry op

If it's generally not contributing to the house and family life though I would approach it from that angle

All these people who are fine with it? Have you read the op properly?

Her dh is scrolling for hours repeatedly and entire weekend afternoons …

I don't even agree with this. Absolutely anything you do is just passing time until death, anything. How can there be any kind of a scale of righteousness about the value of how you entertain yourself?

Same with people who watch sports or Netflix for hours.

This thread has made me make a brew and come and get in bed.

I do it. I find my bed lovely and comfortable and often have a snooze during the day. Bedroom is cool and calm and relaxing.

I had a sleep about 5.30 for half an hour before I made dinner. In my day clothes. Under the covers. Heaven.

Not weird at all. DH does it too, though in general he prefers the sofa.

I really don't get the issue with sitting/laying on the bed in itself. It's ridiculous that an adult is expected not to do this in their own home.
I'd usually get changed first but I do as soon as I get home anyway.

Being lazy and not doing their share of housework is an issue though.

I spend hours on my bed, sometimes dressed, sometimes in my pjs. I read, watch tv, do puzzles, life admin. It's so comfortable. Whole days can go by when I don't enter the living room. My ultimate plan is to downsize and live in a studio apartment.

What on earth is wrong with sitting or lying on your bed during the day? What do you mean 'It's not nice'? Honestly I am completely baffled by some of the things that many MNers seem to fret about. All this nonsense about doing things 'in one's day clothes' too. Otherwise known as just clothes.

I do this most days after work for a bit. I need to decompress before I interact with my adult/ near adult children! They know where to find me and ask which of us is cooking/ is there a plan for dinner. Helps me be a nicer person

I quite like sitting on my bed!

I have a perfectly good living room but sometimes, I just like to take myself away from everyone and everything and chill on my bed for a bit.

Well I wouldn’t be bothered about the location, surely a bed is a great lazy hangout place? The real problem to sort out seems to be that he’s avoiding responsibility in this way. If he starts pulling his weight around the house when necessary then I don’t see why wanting to relax on the bed in downtime needs to be a great issue.