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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this friend just not a friend?

85 replies

Friendornot · 29/05/2024 15:56

Things she has said:

If I had a pantry in my house like you it would be much tidier than yours. (When visiting)

hmm I wouldn’t have decorated like that

shall we tidy up? (I had just tidied up and cleaned before she got here)

says shes popping in for a coffee and turns up with a load of kids she’s babysitting (I don’t know them) one breaks my kids stuff and the others laugh about special needs kids- she doesn’t say anything to kid

also gets really odd and off with me when I spend time with any other friends

I’ve known her less than a year.

also frequently explains things to me in a patronising way

we have things in common I just feel a bit baffled by her comments

OP posts:
Ilovecleaning · 01/06/2024 19:30

SplendidUtterly · 01/06/2024 17:49

Jellyfish.

I need to Google jellyfish!

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 01/06/2024 19:09

Common or Garden cowbag.

VeryHappyBunny · 01/06/2024 18:19

loupiots · 01/06/2024 18:05

@VeryHappyBunny It's from Bridget Jones' Diary. “Humph. Rebecca is not “great”; she is a Jellyfisher. Talking to her is like swimming in a lovely warm sea, then suddenly something stings you and next thing everything is back to normal except a bit of you really hurts.”

It's someone who makes mean comments and put downs, but is pretending on the surface to be perfectly nice and normal.

Thanks, I've never seen Bridget Jones' Diary so didn't get the reference. Honestly this whole mumsnet is a revelation. I think I must have lived a very sheltered life.

CherryShirt · 01/06/2024 18:08

Is she a similar age to you, or older? I ask because I had a friend many years back who behaved like this - she was about ten years older than me and I think she genuinely thought she was giving me the benefit of her experience.

When I was buying my first house, she actually went and peered through the window to get a nosey, before phoning me and advising me not to buy it. (I did anyway.) When she came around and I’d just had my new fridge freezer delivered, she said, “Ooh, it’s a dinky little freezer, isn’t it? I always think it’s better to have a big freezer - that way you can stock up”. Very useful advice after I’d bought it. She then offered to help me redecorate, which was of course very nice of her, but she couldn’t just help - she had to advise. Even the most basic of things, she’d have to get involved and tell me why I was wrong.

People like that tend to believe their way is best to an extreme level, to the point that they can’t see a different way might be just as valid. They don’t think they’re doing anything wrong because they’re “only trying to help”. In my case we drifted because of house moves rather than falling out, but I think it would have taken its toll on the friendship in the end.

loupiots · 01/06/2024 18:05

@VeryHappyBunny It's from Bridget Jones' Diary. “Humph. Rebecca is not “great”; she is a Jellyfisher. Talking to her is like swimming in a lovely warm sea, then suddenly something stings you and next thing everything is back to normal except a bit of you really hurts.”

It's someone who makes mean comments and put downs, but is pretending on the surface to be perfectly nice and normal.

VeryHappyBunny · 01/06/2024 17:54

SplendidUtterly · 01/06/2024 17:49

Jellyfish.

What do you mean by Jellyfish? It's not a term I've heard before except for in the undersea variety. Also coincidentally, I am watching Hobbymaker on tv at the moment and the products on at the moment are sea based - including a jellyfish!

SplendidUtterly · 01/06/2024 17:49

Jellyfish.

PissOffJeffrey · 01/06/2024 17:35

She sounds like my sisters. Both of them.

SharpB · 01/06/2024 17:26

Definitely very far removed from a friend.

Frenemy. Jellyfish.

Massive number of red flags there.

People like this are baffling - not sure what they are trying to achieve, and why on earth they would think anyone would enjoy their company enough to spend time with them again.

Mugaloaf · 01/06/2024 17:16

Get rid. I had a 'friend' like this. It was a few years(!) before I started to wonder if she actually liked me...then she ghosted me, so...

WigglyVonWaggly · 01/06/2024 16:57

She’s a competitor. A very rude, mean one. Get rid.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 01/06/2024 16:50

If this is real, I think you already know the answer.

Easipeelerie · 01/06/2024 15:51

Distance yourself now. No drama- just never available.

MrsAlexKarev · 01/06/2024 15:49

Sounds like you are friends with my mum!!!

Branwells77 · 01/06/2024 15:43

I get the feeling your not going to get rid of her easily first stop her coming to your home
so if she messages asking to come for a coffee etc just say I am taking my DCs to the park can meet you there providing you have one locally of course I think you will have to gradually pull away from her she seems the sort that even if your straight to the point she will likely get worse and potentially start turning up at your door without messaging/calling first.

Harara · 01/06/2024 15:39

I have a couple of friends a bit like this (not the turning up with loads of kids though). But making comments that I personally consider rude and unkind and would never say to a friend. It’s tricky if they have other qualities you really like, not necessarily as black and white are making out here. Have you had a chance to observe how she is with other friends of hers? Is she just a bit rude to people in general, or is she specifically being rude to you?

I would maybe go with the MN classic ‘did you mean to be so rude?’ in response to her comments, while you’re figuring out whether you actually want to end the friendship or not.

Pillowface1 · 01/06/2024 15:32

She is a user and certainly not a friend.
Stop replying and NEVER allow her into your home again.

Turtletumy · 01/06/2024 15:29

That’s a jellyfish friend.
Get rid

Didyeaye · 01/06/2024 15:21

Came here to comment but @KreedKafer has it covered I think!

WinterTreacle · 01/06/2024 15:17

As this is a few days old, I’m hoping you have binned her!

Ilovecleaning · 30/05/2024 02:15

I have reread my post (above) and it looks unintentionally sarcastic. I should have added ‘No, you wouldn’t, so stop being friends with this woman.’

Fraaahnces · 30/05/2024 02:14

I would tell her to push off if she shows up with herds of strange kids. (I imagine you were expected to feed them). She sounds like she has boundary issues.

Ilovecleaning · 30/05/2024 02:12

If you had a friend who slapped your face every time you saw her would you carry on the relationship?

ALongHardWinter · 30/05/2024 00:57

Sounds ghastly.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/05/2024 00:55

Reading that I assume you have no standards whatsoever, and I genuinely wonder if you realise you don't have to spend your time with people who are utter shit. You actually can choose who you allow to be in your life.

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