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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this friend just not a friend?

85 replies

Friendornot · 29/05/2024 15:56

Things she has said:

If I had a pantry in my house like you it would be much tidier than yours. (When visiting)

hmm I wouldn’t have decorated like that

shall we tidy up? (I had just tidied up and cleaned before she got here)

says shes popping in for a coffee and turns up with a load of kids she’s babysitting (I don’t know them) one breaks my kids stuff and the others laugh about special needs kids- she doesn’t say anything to kid

also gets really odd and off with me when I spend time with any other friends

I’ve known her less than a year.

also frequently explains things to me in a patronising way

we have things in common I just feel a bit baffled by her comments

OP posts:
hopscotcher · 02/06/2024 20:10

I'd put up with some of this from a long-standing friend, but for a new friend she doesn't sound great. Bringing badly-behaved children to your house and not controlling them suggests that she doesn't really care about your boundaries. What do you like about her that could outweigh her being patronising and critical?

Pres11 · 02/06/2024 20:04

An ex friend of mine was like this with me!

I moved into a new home and she said this house we cost more if it was in the area i live! As though where she lived was much more superior which it really wasnt!

she would ask when are you changing those disgusting floor tiles! Which i liked!!

she was always trying to out-do her friends and chatting about them behind their back, and it occurred to me one day she would be the same to them about me!!

then one day my own young children asked ‘why are you friends with her mummy, shes nothing like you!’ And i realised how right they were!

Justdontdoit · 02/06/2024 18:36

FeetupTvon · 29/05/2024 16:00

Get rid.

My thought exactly!

Eskimalita · 02/06/2024 14:42

I’m guessing you are more successful than she is, or have a nicer/bigger house.
she’s jealous and thinks she’s entitled to bring round hoards of kids.
I’m guessing you probably have skills she doesn’t have (so she feels inadequate even though you don’t do anything to make her feel this way) but she does think she’s good at cleaning so she tries to use this against you to make herself feel better

Baba197 · 02/06/2024 11:17

I’d distance myself, I’ve had friends like this and it never ends well

nj32 · 02/06/2024 09:20

I have had this too, get rid. A mom friend I met through toddler group. News items about my husbands work place making redundancies and a little laugh after it. Will he have a job. Comments about about my 4 year old child. The size of my house when pregnant with second. Got a part time job after children laughed, comments about the school of course she had chosen better. No longer in contact!

Goinggreymammy · 01/06/2024 23:44

You know the answer to this.
As I explain to my child ..... If someone says mean things and upsets you regularly they are not your friend and you are under no obligation to spend time with them.

MiniPumpkin · 01/06/2024 23:19

Turning up with a load of kids without warning ? That’s enough for me .. see ya

cerisepanther73 · 01/06/2024 23:02

@LookOverHere

Exactly 💯 whole heartily agree with your good emotionally intelligent advice 👌 post👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

LookOverHere · 01/06/2024 22:07

Trust your gut on this. If her plausibly deniable digs make you uncomfortable or annoyed or upset it’s not right. A friend is someone you can feel relaxed and safe around.

ohthejoys21 · 01/06/2024 21:57

Agreed but unless I was sure it was malicious I’d give her the benefit of the doubt.

Nanny0gg · 01/06/2024 21:29

ohthejoys21 · 01/06/2024 20:23

Hmm I don't know.. I often think people who've gained a bit look better and tell them.. maybe she genuinely wanted you to know she thought you looked better?

Show quote history

Who wants to know that someone (friend?) thinks they looked shit in their wedding photos??

ThisHazelBee · 01/06/2024 21:18

Am I the only person who thinks she could possibly be autistic?

SeismicSalad · 01/06/2024 21:15

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 01/06/2024 20:49

I did wonder that. Scandis and Dutch people can be very ‘direct’ which often comes across as plain rude to Brits.

Show quote history

They’ve got nothing on my Serbian friend 😆

Wantitalltogoaway · 01/06/2024 21:04

ohthejoys21 · 01/06/2024 20:23

Hmm I don't know.. I often think people who've gained a bit look better and tell them.. maybe she genuinely wanted you to know she thought you looked better?

Show quote history

Er, no. No one wants to hear this. It’s basically saying a) you thought she looked bad at the time and b) now she is fatter.

Examine your motives for that one and please stop saying it!

Wantitalltogoaway · 01/06/2024 21:01

Aquamarine1029 · 30/05/2024 00:55

Reading that I assume you have no standards whatsoever, and I genuinely wonder if you realise you don't have to spend your time with people who are utter shit. You actually can choose who you allow to be in your life.

Ah, I knew the “Why is your bar so low” brigade would come out for this one 😂

OneHandInPocket · 01/06/2024 20:53

@VeryHappyBunny I don’t remember reading this at the time, but now it is so apt!

OP every thing you have said about this person is a red flag, similar to red flags which in hindsight I wish I had taken heed of. She will eventually give you a massive sting!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 01/06/2024 20:49

SeismicSalad · 01/06/2024 19:33

Is she British? Cultural differences could explain some of it. Does sound annoying though.

I did wonder that. Scandis and Dutch people can be very ‘direct’ which often comes across as plain rude to Brits.

cerisepanther73 · 01/06/2024 20:35

@Friendornot

She sounds quite dense needy insecure immature and bit envious,

hence the bitchy 🙄 passive aggressive so 🤷 called helpful remarks.

Ditch her for good
Consign this so called friendship to the waste 🗑 bin,

She has such nerve 😤 audacity just turning up with her children she is susposed to be babysitting,
then one of them breaks your child's toy and she doesn't even offer to replace it or say sorry
not even be embarrassed

I really think 🤔 she only comes to see you cause its bit easier than being on her own and cause she gets fed up on her own doing this at times too,
and bored out of her mind in her own house place
Hence she is a bit of User too

ohthejoys21 · 01/06/2024 20:23

Crispsandcola · 30/05/2024 00:48

Yeah....drop her. I had a 'frenemy' like this and she'll only get worse. One example of her f*ckery: She looked through my wedding photos and said "oh, you were much too thin back then - you looked like a lollipop ha ha. You look so much better carrying a few extra pounds" - she knew I was insecure about my weight at the time.

Edited

Hmm I don't know.. I often think people who've gained a bit look better and tell them.. maybe she genuinely wanted you to know she thought you looked better?

Hotttchoc · 01/06/2024 20:21

Why do you even need to ask?

cerisepanther73 · 01/06/2024 20:19

@Turtletumy

Whats jelly fish friend then?

Just out of curiosity

Goldiefinch · 01/06/2024 19:47

Get rid OP! Even if you have things in common you don’t have the same values. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable - she sounds really judgemental and disrespectful.

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 01/06/2024 19:38

A passive-aggressive competitor with a nasty tongue. Put this baggage out with the rest of the rubbish.

SeismicSalad · 01/06/2024 19:33

Is she British? Cultural differences could explain some of it. Does sound annoying though.

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